campus safety

Parents Forum
21

I signed both my daughters (and myself) up for Krav Maga self-defense classes.

Boy, that opened their eyes. I can’t recommend it enough.

Then sign them up for Crossfit classes so not only do they know how to destroy people with their pinky fingers with KM, their pinky fingers become insanely strong.

I’ve lived in dangerous parts of the world and have come into contact with dangerous people. Most of them will not want to deal with a woman who will fight, and fight viciously. The rest-just give them your stuff. You can always get more stuff.

That being said, there are a few colleges that are not on our list because we know the areas and it’s just not worth the risk.

22

Re: self defense

Also, it can help to be able to run fast. Someone who can run faster than an attacker (who does not have a gun) merely has to get out of reach, and then run away. Someone who is slower does not have that option and must fight to defeat the attacker.

However, it is likely that the highest risk situations involve alcohol. Freshwomen are often vulnerable to rapists because the may not know their limits and find out by passing out at a party. Rapists may also add date rape drugs to others’ drinks, and mixed drinks may be hard to tell the alcohol content of.

23

I have brought up self defense classes in previous conversations with D and husband. It was met with resistance. My family tells me that I repeat things too much. Funny thing is, I don’t think I have drilled safety strategies and how to handle alcohol enough. So many scenarios run through my mind.

24

Have her watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi-Zxda8q6I

I was met with resistance, too. The girls thought I was being silly. Being the mom, I said, too bad, we’re going. By the end of it they said 'thank you, mom. I had no idea."

25

Better to just not drink too much…stay away from the flavored vodka.

26

stay out of frat houses, away from jocks and artsy guys who want to show you their off campus design studio/apartment, and anyone with the middle name fred. (last one is a joke)

27

LOL, well that would eliminate most of the male population at many colleges…but seriously there needs to be a modicum of common sense when it comes to alcohol consumption. Hopefully sooner than later it will be “uncool” to pre-game or pre-party and show up at a party loaded or get loaded. It was uncool in my generation of college kids to be the “drunk” and it’s still “uncool” only these days you can get in a whole parcel of trouble with drunk and disorderly or minor in possession being the least of your worries.

28

Lots of good advice here already, especially the warnings about drinking. My D uses “Safetrek” app on her phone. I don’t think I can provide a link here but you can look it up.

29

This. Plus scream.

I screaming girl will attract attention. I personally have seen this work, not as the potential victim, but as a responder. By moving toward a girl clearly in distress, the perp simply left. Yes, I put myself at a little bit of risk, but a little bit of life experience helps you stay out of any real harm.

30

Someone who has passed out because her drink was tampered with can’t run (fast or slow); use Krav Maga; scream, or any of these things. The typical college assault isn’t a bad man from “outside” attacking a young woman on a city street as she’s walking home from the library. The typical assault is at a social gathering (or afterwards) with an acquaintance who doesn’t “look” scary.

31

@blossom I was just having that conversation with D last night. Everyone here has given such wonderful advice. It also helps to see the maturity in my D. Meaning, she’s actually not rolling her eyes at me when having this conversation. The reality of going away to college is setting in.

32

Something else I told my daughter, in part because I knew she was going to drink, and she was going to put herself into some dangerous situations – she sort of liked dangerous situations, although she also liked controlling them:

Maybe you’ll make a mistake, and maybe you won’t make a mistake but you’ll have terrible luck anyway. You can wind up in a situation you can’t control and can’t fix. The goal then is to live through it, and not to let it define you more than it has to. No matter what you do, you don’t deserve to be the victim of a sexual assault, but if you are the victim of a sexual assault, you can deal with it. You should go to a counselor, you should do what you need to do, but you don’t need to let victimhood take over your life. Your mom was raped by an ex-boyfriend in college, and it hurt her and made her angry and distrustful for a while, but it didn’t make her doubt herself or ever stop her from doing anything she really cared about doing. After a year or so it was just a bad memory of something unpleasant a jerk had done to her that had no real importance in her life. I hope you are never in that situation, but if you get in that situation I hope that’s how you can make it come out.

33

“The typical assault is at a social gathering (or afterwards) with an acquaintance who doesn’t “look” scary.”

Yep. I wouldn’t suggest to my daughter that she have one male friend walk her home if she’d had too much to drink, for exactly that reason. My recollection of leaving long-ago college parties is that we left in big mixed-gender clumps of people.

34

Screaming isn’t reliable, because as I discovered once, when I am truly terrified, my voice turns into a teeeeny tiny little squeak. I have a very clear memory of trying to scream (in this case it was a wall of water coming at me instead of a bad guy when I was in my 20s), and I couldn’t make noise. Darndest thing. I’m pretty loud normally.

35

“Stranger danger” and “date rape” are two very different scenarios and ideally students should have some training in dealing with both. It will stand them in good stead their whole life.

When I went to college, back in the dark ages, I went to a women’s self defense presentation given by a policewoman. Some things I learned were how to walk purposefully and briskly, noticing everything and everyone around you, and how to use common objects for self defense.

Carrying a closed umbrella? Carry it pointing upward, ready to poke into an assailant if necessary. Carrying car keys? Hold them in your hand so that you have one single key clutched facing forward, ready to poke into assailant’s eye or under side of their chin. I don’t think I would have realized the vulnerability of the underside of the chin without that class.

At that time one of the suggestions was carrying a whistle or alarm. I guess some car remotes do that but if the student drives an economy model like mine, they don’t have a noisemaker.

All of this, rather than making me fearful, or emboldening me in a foolish way, helped me in situations where I sometimes found myself. Being at that time still young and stupid, the class did not stop me from getting into situations that were better avoided, but did help me stay safe. Sometimes, regardless of your best intentions, you end up on a bus alone at night, or have to walk through a certain neighborhood later than planned, when it is deserted.

I thought Krav Maga looks very interesting but not sure we’ll have access to classes where we live. I’m thinking in my old age, I’m ready for a refresher course. It was very empowering.

On the date rape scene, I have emphasized to my D the importance of staying sober, or at least having one sober companion, not going into frat houses, never letting her drink out of her sight, and going right to the police if she’s been assaulted. I understand that colleges, I think by law, have to do their own investigation, but it essentially a police matter. Also, immediately request assistance from whatever Rape Victim assistance is available.

36

One of my daughters lived in the freshman village of dorms. Many freshman have similar schedules so then could walk to classes or the dining hall together, and home from the library together. She happened to live with teammates so they got to early practice (5:30 am) together. When they wanted her to move to an apartment just off campus that is mostly upperclassmen (roommate mix up problem) I said no way. She now lives in an upperclassmen dorm and often walks alone to places like her boyfriend’s apartment just off campus. A year of maturity helps a lot (both of us).