Can anybody rate and improve my SAT Essay?

Test Preparation
1

<p>The e-rater score (software on College Board's online prep course): 4 out of 6.
Can anybody rate it? How can I improve it? (I was falling asleep, so it may contain frequent errors.)</p>

<p>"Bond, James Bond", says a stylish man with a characteristic British accent. The adventures of 007 is one the most enduring movie series in the world. Yet, one of the most powerful tools of the MI6 agent's arsenal to gathers moviegoers is not the all-mighty gadgetry and action sequences, but his wardrobe and sports cars. This cultural phenomena illustrates current societal values: style has become more important than substance. </p>

<p>It is hard to resist to dive into the cinematic world of power, affluence, and "coolness" - a well-known fact, used by the entertaiment industry. We try to simulate the heroes of blockbusters, which leads to an obsession with style and grooming. A great example of this outragious behaviour is the above-mentioned movie series: the peacoat Daniel Craig wore in Skyfall has been sold out in a matter of days after the initial release of the movie. Style is obviously dominating substance to the extent, when people are obsessed with their idols and try to copy them everywhere. </p>

<p>Moreover, recent psycological experiments done by the Stanford University researchers prove that the looks of a person subconciously determines the approval of his peers more than his/her personal qualities. Humans, in the absence of other informational queus, solely rely on the visual interpretation of one's status - their clothes choice, hairstyle, gadgets, etc. </p>

<p>Humans naturally rely on the visual appearence to judge others. However, the modern society has developed this to the extreme: people have to religously follow style trends and copy movie protagonists. Today we depend on style more than on substance.</p>

<p>Thanks in advance.</p>

2

<p>I am guessing this is the prompt?</p>

<p>Prompt: When people form opinions about someone or something, what affects them most is not substance but style. In other words, the way something appears or is presented is more important than what it actually is. This principle affects how people look at their leaders and their lives, the books they read, the products they buy, and even the subjects they take at school.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is style more important than substance?</p>

<p>I think it is probably a 4. You have two examples, both kind of ‘pop’. I dont think you ever address the ‘substance’ part of the argument- remember you werent supposed to demonstrate that style was just important- it had to be “more important” than substance. Action sequences and gadgets arent substance- they are just more style. “Style” as the CB uses it here doesnt not mean clothes fashion. </p>

<p>You could have improved this maybe by contrasting Skyfall with one of less successfully Bonds like George Lazenby or Timothy Daltons uninspired run. Or compare to a duller but more cerebral and realistic movie like “The Constant Gardener”. </p>

<p>And you really should add a school work source as a third example. “Pride and Prejudice” would work well on either side of the prompt.</p>