CAN Anyone critique my essay ?~

[toystory]

<p>I've written500 words michi hardship thingyi essay.
Can anyone please read it and give me some feedback?</p>

[yosup]

<p>I can help, PM me the essay :)</p>

[blindtrombonist]

<p>I’ll help if you like. PM me.</p>

[motion12345]

<p>I’ll read…I’m a '14er but I already submitted my app</p>

[hotfuturengineer]

<p>ill read it… i already got accepted PM me</p>