Can anyone grade my essay

<p>An ostensible success can entail a failure. In the literary work ‘the Great Gatsby’, the protagonist, Gatsby, fulfilled his desire to meet the woman of his dreams, only to recognize that he will never be able to win her back. In the world of soccer, Michael Owen, once a promising soccer player, was transferred to a bigger club, but his limited opportunity failed him. In American history, Stephen Douglass lost his presidential candidacy to Abraham Lincoln because his initial victory as mayor revealed that his stance on slavery was controversial. </p>

<p>When one achieves an objective that one was entirely obsessed to fulfil from the very beginning, one can lose his/her purpose in his/her life. In the Great Gatsby, Daisy was the woman Gatsby loved and he became rich solely to be reunited with her again. Yet, when he sees her, he loses meaning in his life, as he realizes that she has become a different person, and that he will never be able to have her. He has come to feel extremely dejected. But for his meeting her again, he would not have had this egregious disappointment. </p>

<p>Many athletes desired to perform for bigger teams at a more challenging level; however many of them fail,
as they usually get limited opportunities. Owen was touted as a future of Liverpool, but when he
transferred to Real Madrid, he failed to succeed. Many experts believe that, despite the initially positive reception, the transfer was a mistake. </p>

<p>Politicians can lose their support when they show equivocation. Prior to the Civil War, Stephen Douglass
and Abraham Lincoln contended to become mayor. Douglass lost because he was somewhat weakened by his pro-slavery stance. Later, his controversial view came back to haunt his presidential campaign and cost him histhe presidential candidacy. It proves that a
success can be disastrous. </p>

<p>In our lives, the natures of success and disaster are not so different, as one can turn out to be a
harbinger of the other. In the aforementioned examples above, Gatsby and Owen achieved their dream
only to be disappointed, and Douglass lost his more important opportunity due to his initial gain.
Therefore, success can be disastrous.</p>

<p>Can you also post the essay question? It would me more helpful in scoring your essay (I can’t tell how on topic you are right now).</p>

<p>sorry about that. The topic is the same as the very last sentence</p>

<p>Topic:Can success be disastrous?</p>

<p>8-9</p>

<ul>
<li>Beef up your introduction, and don’t introduce your examples in such depth in the first paragraph</li>
<li>Transition from example to example better</li>
<li>Literary examples are good, but avoid books that every high schooler has read (and therefore may use as an example)</li>
<li>Avoid any example about sports/pop culture/movies etc.</li>
<li>Historical examples are fine</li>
<li>Write a more substantial conclusion</li>
</ul>