Can anyone please read & give advice?

<p>I would appreciate it if someone could read my Personal essay for the Common App. I am confident but would like a second opinion. The prompt I chose is: "Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you." If anyone would be able to read it I will send you the essay via a personal message. Thanks so much!</p>

<p>i will 10char.</p>

<p>thanks so much drsarah!
i just sent you my essay in a personal message to you.
feel free to make your responsive critique right on this thread.
once again, thanks!</p>