OP: Please do not mistake honesty for harshness.
I think that you need to do further research as what daily life is like at the most elite prep boarding schools.
Many, probably most if not all, allow students to check into the infirmary for a day due to stress & exhaustion as a result of academic pressure & expectations. It is not uncommon for some students to develop stress related disorders.
If you are looking to “find yourself”, you need to look beyond schools that are geared toward finding the best, brightest, most hardworking & most competitive.
Please do not mistake a sweet tone & kindness for friendship or, especially, for wise advice. I have read of a few excuses for you proffered by other posters & excuses offered by you.
Life is, in large part, about choices. You can choose which advice to follow & which advice to ignore & act accordingly. Right now, the matter is still within your control with respect to how hard you work toward your goal.
If you find my words to be harsh or less than honest, then I question your suitability for ultra-competitive boarding schools such as Andover, Exeter, Groton, etc.
I get the impression that you think that schools such as St. Andrew’s School, Kent School, Mercersburg Academy, Blair Academy and any school of lesser prestige than Andover, Exeter, Choate, Lawrenceville are not worthy of your consideration. That just reveals how much you have to learn about the world of prep boarding schools.
Finally, I urge you to take a properly timed & administered SSAT practice test.