<p>Ok I'm not one to repost a question but no one answered me when I posted it on the College Essays thread. </p>
<p>I'm applying to Florida State for Fall 2015 and this is the essay prompt:</p>
<p>"Florida State University is more than just a world-class academic institution preparing you for a future career. We are a caring community of well-rounded individuals who embrace leadership, learning, service, and global awareness. With this in mind, which of these characteristics appeals most to you and why?"</p>
<p>I'm still writing my rough draft and this is all I have so far:</p>
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<p>I remember when I was a little girl, I was enthralled by the world of discovery that was my backyard in Pennsylvania. From the dainty flowers that, to me, seemed like an enchanted forest at the time to the frozen still life that fell onto the ground beside my snow angels during the winter, I was always passionately curious about and captivated by the beauty of life. Flash forward 10 years and I’m still that same girl, only my curiosities have evolved and diversified as I have grown a greater sense of awareness of the world around me.</p>
<h2>As a sophomore in high school, I had an intense drive to learn Calculus. My guidance counselor at the time refused to let me take the course even after I expressed a strong will and desire to learn the material because he thought I was not well-suited for it. So I decided that I would teach myself, and I did just that: I bought a Calculus textbook and taught myself Calculus I. Two years later, as a senior, I was finally able to take it as a class. I earned a grade of A.</h2>
<p>I feel like the first paragraph is okay, but the second is ...eh. It seems more like I'm telling a random story and not driving my point home. Throughout high school I had many interests that I pursued on my own. Like in the example above, I wanted to learn Calculus so I taught it to myself when the option of taking the class wasn't available to me. I feel like that's an important part of my essay because it reflects my drive to learn...I'm just not sure if I'm incorporating it well.
So before I even go any further I thought I'd get some feedback from you smarty pants.
Thank you.</p>
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