can some one look at my college essay? pleaseee!!

<p>Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences.</p>

<p>WHAT I WROTE
Everybody is different and unique in their own way. When someone thinks of diversity they think of skin color, race or ethnicity, but diversity can mean other things too. Diversity can also be how unique you are from other people. I live in a state that has a wide range of different culture and religion. Even though New Jersey is a diverse state, the town and cities have their own diverse communities. In my town Carteret there are a lot of different background walking or driving around. All of my friends have different ethnicity and they always mention their traditions, beliefs and rituals to me which I find amazing and shocking at the same time. Just seeing and learning someone's culture interests me and offers me to *learn more about them. Learning new things about someone's background teaches me to understand that person instead of making a judgment on her/his race. Going to a diverse school can help students experience new things about each others. If I am given a chance to be a part of Rutgers diverse community, it will help me learn about many cultures and share my experience to them.</p>

<p>I have lived in Carteret for 18 years so basically that is my whole life. I have lived in three houses in the same town and in each neighborhood I lived in I didn't communicate or play with kids my age because there were no kids in my neighborhood. The only friends I had were in school and in Peru but I would barely see them. Ever since I was a kid I have always been shy especially when I have to talk in front of a crowd. But, somewhere along the way I began to talk more and get out of my comfort zone. Now that I have grown up I still get shy but I push myself to go and speak out loud to people. Attending Rutgers University can help me meet new people in the community and help me be more comfortable with myself towards them. Throughout my childhood I have never once played a sport. My brother was the athlete in the family winning trophies. My parents did not force me to play sports and it did not bother them if I did. I would like to say that throughout the journey of my life I learned *a lot of lessons, however still I am aware that there are still countless lessons I have to learn and *experience which is why I believe the community of Rutgers can help me learn and focus on new things about people and other interesting stuff.</p>

<p>I believe I would make a good candidate at Rutgers University because academically, I am serious when it comes to my studies and I take my responsibilities seriously. I am one of those people that knows what she wants and are determine to get it. I am passionate to become a Physical Therapists one day. Ever since I went to my father physical therapy, I just love the equipment and techniques the therapists uses to help other people feel better physically and emotionally and that what I enjoy. I just love the feeling of meeting new people and helping them. I believe Rutgers Art and Science school can offer me a lot. When I traveled to Peru for the first time I was really interest to learn about the culture about Peruvians and how diverse they were. I visited many places and learned outstanding things that I did not know before. Founding out that Peru is also a diverse place and they do not only speak Spanish but in some places they have multitude of languages that surprised me about my own background. As a Peruvian, coming from a place where everywhere you look everyone has their own diverse background. I am open to meeting new people of different backgrounds and understanding their different interests, I believe I can experience while at Rutgers University. I feel that Rutgers Campus can hold many ideas that I can adapt and can help me obtain a good education</p>

<p>You need to change A LOT.
The first paragraph is entirely useless. And I want to ask: What’s the focus of this essay? I don’t see the main idea. Why not try some specific experiences?</p>

<p>what do you think I should change and what do you mean by specific experience</p>

<p>I agree with Shirleyxxy.
Your topics are too broad and are jumbled all over the place. Find one focus and progress from that. Try to use that one focus to answer the question; don’t use the question to direct your essay.</p>

<p>I’m writing my essays as well! Hope all goes well. Good luck!</p>