<p>...first off, i'm amazed that your rank is that high with your GPA. My GPA is a 3.4, and my rank is 214/620. Hmm. </p>
<p>And i have to concur with most everything these people said. I cringed when you mentioned Harry Potter, Bulls, and Star Wars. Unless you want to go into the traditional epic hero portrayed through Star Wars, or all the hidden meanings behind Harry Potter... i would leave that all out.</p>
<p>And don't say 'i don't know if this counts as an accomplishment' for the most impressive stat on there! I wrote my essay about being in 4-H because U of I is like...their headquarters. Since oyu want to go into biological sciences, talk about THAT. I know you're saving that for your professional essay, but i think you should at least allude to it.</p>
<p>And again, get rid of all the informalities. It's peachy if you have a quirky writing style...but this just seems like... i don't know.</p>
<p>Since you have lower stats, a lot rests on your essays. Good luck.</p>