Can someone correct my SAT writing? please I need to know which evaluation I'd get!!

<p>No great man lives in vain. The history of the world is but the biography of great men. (Thomas Carlyle)
In historic events, the so-called great men are labels giving names to events, and like labels they have but the smallest connection with the event itself. (Leo Tolstoy)</p>

<p>ASSIGNMENT: Can the daily actions of average people have a significant impact on the course of history? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Conversely to what Thomas Carlyle says, I think that great men do play an important role in the historic events, since they are those who distinguished for their bravery and strenght, but I may focus more on the masses.
At school recently I have studied an importan Italian writer of the 19th century, called Alessandro Manzoni. I would use Manzoni's thesis in support of my idea which goes against the Carlyle's. Manzoni indeed states, thanks to his experience in Paris between 1805-1810 where he met a group of "ideologues", whose leader was Fauriel, that history is not made by the heroes, by the single person, but by the masses, by the common people. I agree with what Manzoni says, since we can mention several examples. I wouldn't say like Tolstoy that "the so-called great men have but the smallest connection with the event itself", but I think that people are whose who change history.
Let's start from an ancient example, which dwells in a myth, in order to explain the subsequent event. Until 509 BC Rome was ruled by the so-called "Seven Kings" from the nobilty of the city and the region next to Rome (Etrury). What happened in 509 BC? People rebelled and democracy was instaured. Livius, a famous Latin writer in his enormous book "Ad Urbe condita" (from the foundation of Rome), explained this change of political system with a myth. There was in Rome a noble and virtuous woman, whose name was Lucretia. One day while she was sleeping, the son of the king entered her room and raped her, with the threat that he would kill her, if she confessed it to her husband. Since Lucretia was faithful to her husband and to those values that characterized the Ancient Rome ("mores maiorum"), Lucretia confessed everything to her husband and her father. After revealing the truth she took a knife and committed suicide. At the image of her dead wife, the father and the husband got revenge and, with the help of the other aristocratic families and the common people, took the king Sestus Tarquinius off the throne, and in that occasion the democratic republic of Rome was created. Even if this myth is invented, it helps us to understand how important the role of the masses is. Of course one man had the idea, but in order to succeed he had to ask for the help of the others. In Italian in fact we have a proverb that says: "the union makes the strenght". With this proverb on mind I want to underline how powerful people are and to make it clear to you, I give you another example.
In the French Revolution of the 14th of July 1789, the ideals had obviously been given by a group of smart men, that formed the movement which took the name of "Enlightment", but who brought these ideals into practice from theory were he farmers, the subdued citizens. Even if people like Robespierre got famous during the Revolution, for their bravery, people were the only main characters. This example can be applied to every revolution, such as the Russian one in 1914, that brought Lenin to power.
So, according to these famous examples, I state in conclusion that people are the authors of history, they make the events, they are the writers of developments.</p>