Can someone critique my EC short essay? :)

[thedreamer1110]

<p>Please? :) it's my first draft...</p>

[jungian]

<p>I’ll give it a shot!</p>

<p>Sent from my HTC Glacier using CC App</p>

[rundmc]

<p>ya.just pm it over!</p>

[dkdtxs]

<p>sure, I can check PM it</p>