Can someone grade my essay for me?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi everyone. I'm kind of a beginner in preparing the essay section for SAT. As i was typing it up, i noticed too many mistakes incorporated into my 25min essay. I did not leave anything out and posted it exactly the way i first wrote it. Please feel free to be extremely harsh on me since i'm learning from this experience. I greatly appreciate all of your help and i will be needing lots of help in the future.</p>

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<p>Quotes:
Success in life is largely a matter of luck. It has little correlation with merit, and in all fields of life there have always been people of great merit who did not succeed. – Karl Popper, “Popper Selections”
As Colin Powell said, “There are no secrets to success. Don’t waste time looking for them. Success is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Adapted from Barry Farber, “Selling Points”</p>

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<p>Prompt:
Is success in life earned or do people succeed because they are lucky?</p>

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<p>Essay:
There are many definitions of success among the general public. To many of us, it means having a good life, a good family, and lots of money. Although the definition might vary, all successes involves one important element – hardwork.</p>

<p>In history, we learned about all kinds of famous and successful people. One such peoples is the president of the US. We learn about the greatness of many mostly successful presidents. One of them was our country’s first president – George Washington. In class, I, and also most students in school, learned about his numerous wonderous achievements. The biggest achiement revolved around his commander position before his presidency. It was a lot more than just hard work. He needed perseverance to be able to hold off the British to allow our independence. When the people chose him as the president, it wasn’t because he was lucky, it was because he worked hard to be the people’s hero.</p>

<p>Success is also majorly portraid in many literatures. The main character Okonkwo, in the book “Things Fall Apart,” led to a life with success of the typical definition – having a good life, a good family, and lots of money. Of course, some people might think that he was lucky and inherited all his wealth from his relatives. This is completely false, for, he has no relatives besides his father, who is just a common drunkard. Seeing the disgrace his father received, Okonkwo vowed to change the family impression. He started from scratch to build up his farm and grow yams (yam is THE money crop in this African village). His hard work pays up and he becomes one of the most successful African in his village.</p>

<p>Some people may still have doubts about luck’s role in many successes such as Facebook and Youtube. They say that the founders were lucky to hit “the spot” of internet roamers. What these people fail to see is that it takes hard work to come up with these amazing ideas – this is why there is only one Facebook and one Youtube. Not only on idea brainstorming stage, but the preparation stage, not to mention the maintanence and improving stages, is gruelsome. The amount of work it takes to perfect everything is infinite.</p>

<p>“There are no secrets to success,” as Barber Farber says. How true this is considering that the mountains of tasks one has to do to achieve success. You can’t be great without working your butt off. You can’t just sit around and wait for the good things to fall out of the sky. And as every child should know – “no pain, no gain.”</p>

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<p>Thank you for reading my essay!</p>

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<p>some improper idioms, (pays off, not pays up), spelling mistakes (portrayed not portraid), and im not a fan of the second to last paragraph. Generally, you take one side and support that, and not even mention the other, in this case, you dont mention luck, only hard work.</p>

<p>I’d give it a 7-9</p>

3

<p>No more rhetorical questions…and eek, ‘portraid’? Try to watch the spelling errors next time, the readers don’t care much about them but you have to get basic words down.</p>

<p>As for the essay itself, I’ll let someone else answer, I didn’t read the entire thing.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

4

<p>I think if you used your quote by Barbara Fischer in the intro and used that quote for the basis of your intro, your intro would be a lot better. Right now, your intro is under-developed. 2 sentences is a little too short. 3-4 is good though I do 4-6. Evidence was nice. Transition from your first evidence to the next is nice which makes it more acceptable that you first used history than literature.</p>

<p>I don’t know why the first person who posted said you didn’t refer to the opposing side when you clearly did in your second to last paragraph. But the wording made it a little confusing and to me the first sentenced sounded like why people doubt luck is so important. The entire paragraph actually is a bit muddled in trying to portray your arguments for the counter argument so I would make the wording more clearer by stressing what the people think in a more effective and clearly comprehensible way.</p>

<p>Conclusion can be a little better. Add one or two more sentences of tying up your body paragraphs, which you didn’t do, into something final and conclusive. Something like: Both the blank of blank and the blank of blank demonstrated that success doesn’t come through or with luck but rather comes from the sweat and perspiration of the hard-workers. Something like that. And then the rest of your paragraph would fit in nicely to something like that.</p>

<p>Not good at giving precisely accurate essay scores but I would give you… an 8 or 9. Just work on intros and conclusions more. I think you got the body paragraphs almost down but that only comes through practice, unless your a natural gifted writer in pressured moments :)</p>

5

<p>Thank you guys very much for your critiques. I realized that the wording was very wacky while i was typing it up and i kept the multiple spelling mistakes in. I will work on speed writing and focus on writing down clear and useful supporting details, not useless ones. I’m not very good at writing intros and conclusions, as you guys noticed so i will work a lot on that. </p>

<p>Thank you very much for your help! :]</p>