Can someone grade my essay, SAT tomorrow

Test Preparation
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<p>I am taking the SAT's tomorrow, I am a sophomore and my guidance counselor suggested I take them this year since I did well on my PSAT test. The essay section is one of my hardest sections. So if someone could tell me what grade I would get and where I could improve I would appreciate it.</p>

<p>Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

<p>Corruption. One of the most dangerous things a government can face. And yet with many forms of corruption and other problems in government, some people sit idle, and allow the government to work as it pleases, and without help. Without both necessary help and constant vigil, a government could easily collapse.</p>

<p>A perfect example happens to be Superstorm Sandy. Huge amounts of money disappeared and no one but the government knows whether it went to helping those in need, or straight into the pockets of greedy officials. Thankfully, many citizens helped whenever and wherever they could. In this case government was not watched carefully enough, but citizen help allowed reconstruction to be less harmful.</p>

<p>A more broad example is simply voting. Many people refuse is vote for elections; simply allowing fate to decide who the new representative is regardless of if they agree or disagree with the candidates viewpoint. If these citizens were more proactive a government official that would be better for the government could be elected.</p>

<p>The government that our founding fathers created may be great, but it is certainly not perfect. If we want to allow our country to truly prosper, we must help in its endeavors, but also be wary of what happens behind closed doors.</p>

<p>Thank you for any help you can give me. I know I still need practice and work, thank god I more chances to take it.</p>

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<p>sorry I forgot the paragraph before the assignment.</p>

<p>Many people believe that our government should do more to solve our problems. After all, how can one individual create more jobs or make roads safer or improve the schools or help to provide any of the other benefits that we have come to enjoy? And yet expecting that the government-rather than individuals-should always come up with the solutions to society’s ills may have made us less self-reliant, undermining our independence and self -sufficiency.</p>

<p>Assigment: Should people take more responsibility for solving problems that affect their communities or the nation in general?</p>

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<p>bump…</p>

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<p>This is about a 7/8 out of 12. </p>

<p>You have the organization and structure down, but your thesis needs to clearly answer the question. Also, you need specific examples, preferably from history or Literary works to show a depth of knowledge and powerful support.</p>