Can someone grade my essay? Used the AcademicHacker method.

<p>Prompt:
Knowledge is power. In agriculture, medicine, and industry, for example, knowledge has liberated us from hunger, disease, and tedious labor. Today, however, our knowledge has become so powerful that it is beyond our control. We know how to do many things, but we do not know where, when or even whether this know how should be used. </p>

<p>Question:
Can knowledge be a burden rather than a benefit?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Knowledge is key to empowering individuals and societies to make calculated decisions for their own good. Critics may say that too much knowledge is bad; however, the problem is not with knowledge itself but with how people react to it and use it. Several examples from history and literature show why knowledge is beneficial. </p>

<p>Frederick Douglas in A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas is an important example of knowledge's contribution to an individual. Douglas was disenfranchised as a slave, and his owners treated him terribly. However, Douglas managed to learn to read with the help of of one benevolent owner. With this knowledge, his understanding of the world grew, and he became bitter about his situation. He was motivated to escape and become one of the most important abolitionists in the United States during his lifetime. Without the knowledge he acquired as a slave, he wouldn't have been motivated to escape and fight for slavery's end. Therefore, knowledge was key to his success as an individual. </p>

<p>Another example of how knowledge was a deciding factor in the turning of an even was the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. World War II was near its end and President Truman had an important decision: whether or not to use the atomic bomb on Japan or risk millions of lives fighting with foot soldiers. He chose to bomb and the results were devastating. Millions of Japanese civilians were killed in an instant and millions more were going to have to deal with cancer later in their lives. Because the atomic bomb had never been used before, Truman didn't know its costs. Had he known, he might have chose differently. Clearly, a lack of knowledge was detrimental. </p>

<p>Another instance where a lack of knowledge hurt individuals was the recent N.S.A. scandal. Leaks of government spying through data hoarding companies like Google and Facebook emerged in the summer of 2013. This invasion of privacy enraged many Americans. Because Americans didn't know that they were being spied on, they didn't know the costs of putting sensitive information on the web. Clearly, the American people's lack of knowledge was key in their lack of privacy. </p>

<p>Undoubtedly, these literary and historic examples show how knowledge is beneficial to the well-being of society and individuals. Indeed, without knowledge many were left with bad decisions, and with knowledge people are able to rise from the shackles of ignorance. </p>

<p>(BTW, the last word was at the end of the last line.)</p>

<p>I don’t think I’m really qualified to grade it per say, but I’ll give a go at making improvements.
I don’t see what the second sentence " Critics may say that too much knowledge is bad; however, the problem is not with knowledge itself but with how people react to it and use it." has to do directly with the thesis. Yes, this is no doubt true, but you’re trying to support the idea that knowledge is beneficial. I think the point has merit but you could have phrased it differently, because it came off as disconnected to the thesis for me.</p>

<p>Personally, I don’t like the use of “Another example is” or “BLANK is an example of.” It might just be me, but it comes off as very demonstrative. I think it would seem more compelling were you to use “Frederick Douglas from A Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas illustrates how THESIS.”</p>

<p>The last example feels a tad underdeveloped. You might want to fall back on two very strong examples, or just write more.</p>

<p>That last bit is concerning because I really feel like having three examples is crucial to getting a 12. However, I was really pushing the limits to how long my way was. Maybe I should cut down on the intro like you said.</p>

<p>Like Daedalus3140, I probably don’t have the qualifications to grade your essay, but I’ll give you some feedback.</p>

<p>The first body paragraph is, in my opinion, your strongest. The example of Frederick Douglass literally epitomizes the quote, “Knowledge is power.” It is a direct response to the prompt and fits in nicely.</p>

<p>The second body paragraph is not as solid as the first, in my opinion. You could have used the evidence in a different way: Truman knew that an all-out invasion of Japan would prolong WWII, cause more casualties for both sides, and probably end with Japan’s utter destruction, so he chose to use the atom bomb to shorten the conflict and save lives that could have been lost in an invasion.</p>

<p>The third paragraph is a bit underdeveloped and could use some elaboration.</p>

<p>The conclusion is succinct and ends the essay nicely.</p>

<p>Are three examples really necessary to getting a 12? AcademicHacker and Dr. Les Perelman (former Writing director at MIT and SAT essay critic) say so, but I never have enough time to squeeze in three examples.</p>