<p>Very Often an excess of knowledge becomes a burden. Although it may be useful up to a certain point, it becomes an end in itself causing the quest for knowledge to overpower the search for useful applications of that knowledge. This was blatantly visible during the world war era, and is becoming increasingly common in todays world.
During world war II, the United States shocked the world by demonstrating that it had harnessed the destructive energy of nuclear fission. The Soviet Union was much more disturbed than other nations, due to ideological clashes between itself and the U.S. Within a few years, it too had discovered how to make an atomic bomb. This spurred both nations into an Arms Race, a quest to create the most powerful nuclear explosive. Although both countries knew that mutually assured destruction would result if either one actually used a nuclear bomb against the other, neither country attempted to focus its scientific efforts towards the charitable uses of nuclear powr, such as providing cheap and clean energy for third world countries. The search for destructive knowledge had become a goal of its own.
Although the threat of nuclear annihilation is not a huge issue in todays world, knowledge is now burdensome in a different way. The creation of the internet led to an informative age, but also caused many people to be attracted to useless knowledge. Huge numbers of people today would prefer to check social networks rather than stay informed about the economy, the state of the war against terror, or struggles for democracy in foreign countries. During the 2008 presidential election, many surveys found that over 30% of voters did not know who president Obamas running mate was. 18% thought it was Sarah Palin.
While knowledge can be quite useful when controlled, in excessive amounts, it becomes a burden to society.</p>
<p>The essay is a 9 (in my opinion). I’m don’t think that 1 sentence conclusion is enough. You might need to create a new concluding paragraph with at least 2 to 3 sentences. Good job on taking a side though. I can identify your thesis clearly so that means you are at least getting an 8 for sure. One area of improvement is connecting your examples back to the thesis. What I mean by that is, at the end of the body paragraphs, explain how your example relates to your thesis. Explain it well. Write at least 2-3 sentences to explain that connection. Don’t expect the reader to make these connections between the examples and your point. Imagine if I lived in a cave and didn’t get the best education in the world. So explain to me how that example relates to your thesis. Other than that, you still can “fluff” it up a bit more; make your essay sound more sophisticated.</p>
10 not long enough
Probably an 8 – I’m not exactly sure how your example about World War II ties to your thesis, and your conclusion is too short. There are some errors with capitalization and punctuation (should be “today’s world” and “Obama’s”).