<p>I do have another CC account, but in fear of some of my friends seeing this, I made a new one. I'm a junior in high school, and while I'm aware that most teenagers my age are stressed, I can't help but vent a little bit.
My brother is a Princeton grad, a smart guy, what some would describe as a "prodigy", I suppose. I wouldn't call myself stupid, but that's all I hear. I'm tired of being told I'm not good enough, that I'm the idiot of the family, that I won't get into college. I'm tired of having things thrown at me and being locked inside the house. It's spring break, and I can't go have dinner with a friend for my birthday. I'm so frustrated that I can't even articulate it, and if I tell them, they don't care. I told my dad that I wanted to kill myself, and he just barked about tests and told me to go study.
That particular incident was a few hours ago, and I've calmed down since. However, this incident has repeated itself a countless number of times. Now I'm just trying to figure out what to do. I have a 3.9 gpa, I'm a founder of one of the most successful clubs at my school, editor in chief of 2 publications, I play sports, I have friends, I used to have fun... then I come home and I feel like a pathetic loser. I can't talk to anybody, they'll all flip a **** and want me to go see a doctor and my parents will just be even more disappointed in me.
I don't want to complain, and maybe there is another side to the story. I know I'm not a perfect kid, but I don't think I've done anything that bad. Sure, I get a few B's and I could've studied a bit more for the SATs. I don't think that warrants domestic lockdown and having freaking AP books thrown at my head. I don't know what I'm accomplishing by posting this, but maybe someone can tell me what the hell I should do now because I have no clue.</p>
<p>Can I assume you are Asian?</p>
<p>In all seriousness, it is such a horrible thing to have parents like this. Mine, personally, could care less how I do in school, but I have heard horror stories. Most parents are not very susceptible to change, so are likely going to have to wait out the last year and a half. I wish I could help more :(.</p>
<p>LOL @ chronicfuture 12 I was wondering the same thing</p>
<p>My Asian mom tells me I’m worthless all the time. She tells me over and over that I’m going to a community college and working at Market Basket for the rest of my life. I’m used to hearing all negative things from my family, so used to it that I already began tuning them out. Just think of proving them wrong. Try getting into a decent university and moving out. That’s what I plan on doing.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you’re in this situation. IMHO, one of the worst things parents can do to their children (and I’m a parent. Although I’ve also been a child --) is compare siblings to each other, loudly and up front and to each of the children. What your parents are doing is absolutely, positively unfair.</p>
<p>That said, I can’t change your parents. (I doubt they’ll listen to me.) And, more inmportantly, you can’t change them either. You can’t change what they do, you can’t change what they say, and you can’t change what they think. But what you can change is how you react to what they do, say and think.</p>
<p>You’ve started on the right track already: You point out that you have a 3.9 (not too shabby!), that you’ve founded some important clubs, that you play sports, that you have friends. You know that you’re a good kid – better than good. Maybe your parents think that pressuring you to measure up to your brother will inspire you to work hard. (It won’t. It will only inspire you to resent your brother.) </p>
<p>While you’re living at home, you do have to respect your parents’ rules. If they insist that you study for X hours a day, do so. But try to negotiate with them about when that is, so you can also go and have a social life.</p>
<p>You might not get into the caliber of schools that your brother did. That is not a measure of you as a person, or even you as a student. As you know from hanging around CC, lots of acceptances are crapshoots. Work as hard as your makeup allows you to. Do the best that you can. Apply to where you want to go and keep your fingers crossed. Once you’re out of the house, you can determine your own schedule.</p>
<p>I know how hard this can be.</p>
<p>You might want to post in the Parents Forum to get other parents’ perspectives.</p>
<p>Ha, not Asian actually. I guess the weird part is that you guys are used to this while for me, this mainly started at the beginning of this year. Also, the other problem is that they’re allegedly not paying for anything that’s not an Ivy. Seeing as that’s not going to happen, I’m ****ed. Hopefully I’ll win the lottery or find buried treasure or something.</p>
<p>Thank you, VeryHappy. They’ve always pressured me and that’s been fine, but this year they’ve cranked it up ridiculously too high. I don’t think negotiation is possible, because I’ve tried, but I’ll just try to close my eyes and ears and make it through the next year. And yes, I do resent my brother because of this, but he can’t help being better than me so whatever. Thanks for everything, I’ll try relocating to the Parents forum.</p>
<p>It would explain a lot if you’re Asian.
Asian parents are just like that. I know my mom loves me, but she just criticizes, criticizes too much. Sometimes she’ll compare me to my sister and say, “You, I don’t know. I never had this sort of trouble with your sister.”
I don’t even know what she’s talking about because I don’t do drugs or get in trouble. I’m a good student. But I guess, compared to the her side of the family, I an unaderachiever, because all my cousins are literally geniuses.
I don’t think it’s my mom means to come across like that. To her, what she says is perfectly reasonable, and compared to my other Asian friends, I get off very lightly in terms of criticism. It’s just Asian mentality. That’s how she was raised, so that’s how she is going to raise me.
But they mean well. They just want you too succeed, and are doing everything in their power to help.
Just they don’t realize that sometimes it makes you feel like you’re never good enough.</p>
<p>Edit: oops, I guess you’re not Asian. But still, same thing.</p>
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<p>He’s not better than you. He’s different than you.</p>
<p>(It’s taken me a lifetime to realize this about my sister and me. (She went to Stanford. I went to Northwestern.) It took me until I was ~31 and getting my MBA with distinction from a Top 10 school to realize I Am Not Stupid.)</p>
<p>Graduate from college, pay them if you owe them anything, and cut all ties with them.</p>
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<p>That’s actually one of the most helpful things I’ve ever heard, though that means I have another sixteen years before I make sense out of all this. Thank you. :)</p>
<p>Everyone has given you very good advice so far…and I have to agree with driscol.</p>
<p>You <em>are</em> good enough, and you <em>do</em> have a lot to be proud of…a solid GPA, great extracurriculars…and also a good enough head on your shoulders to realize that academics should not define who you are. </p>
<p>You do not deserve to be under this kind of pressure…not at all.</p>
<p>Do your best work and respect your parents and their rules. But don’t get down on yourself…and most importantly, if things <em>ever</em> become abusive or intolerable, stick up for yourself and talk to an adult or counselor that you can trust.</p>
<p>Amazingly, I’m Asian, but my parents are not like this. They just encourage me to do my best and don’t force me to do anything. I just use them as the excuse for being so crazy when it comes to academics, haha.</p>
<p>I agree, you are two different individuals. You can’t be compared. You’re more successful than him in many ways, just as he is more successful than you in many ways. Just do your best, and that’s all. :)</p>
<p>Just wait it out until you get into college haha</p>
<p>Talk to someone like a guidance counselor or religious leader, or someone like a grandparent, mom’s BFF, etc. We at CC may be unable to do anything about this, but another trusted adult in your life can perhaps talk some sense into your parents. Or you could have “study parties” with your friends?</p>
<p>*** is wrong with you!!! Get a D on your report card and rub it into their faces! Dont make up reasons or promises you will do better, say you just simply you dont care.</p>
<p>Don’t get bad grades on purpose… You’ll just hurt yourself. Like I said before, cut all ties after you’ve paid them and gone through college. If they want you back in their lives in the future, then give them a shot. But with the way they’re acting right now, it’s really does hurt your mental health. You make a statement about killing yourself now, but you might start thinking about actually doing it later. Happened to me. Try ignoring them as best as you can for now. Study at a pace that you’re comfortable with. You do know that you’re better than what they say you are. Don’t let their words distort your self image. No doubt it’ll be hard, but it’ll be worth it in the end when you’re still alive…and probably successful.</p>
<p>At least your parents aren’t extremely abusive.</p>
<p>No, I can’t help you.</p>
<p>My parents are relatively lax on stuff (not that I really go out to a party every night or anything), but you can bet that they were angry when I got my first grade that wasn’t an A. The trend of “bad” grades has somewhat continued, which I’m working on (procrastination is my worst enemy), but there are a few things I’ve gleaned through this. My parents really just want the best for me, but they are extremely frustrated (especially my mom) when they see that I do not perform to what they see as my fullest potential (I think I can agree that I’m not operating at 100%, I suppose). Frankly, they aren’t that great with the whole encouragement thing, but I can see that they care, even when it appears outwardly that they won’t. I hope that’s the case in your situation. I’m not even sure what my point is right now, honestly, but I think you should realize that they probably just want to see you do well (trust me, I’ve had my fair share of situations where a parent has “lost it” and said weird things in the heat of the moment).</p>
<p>Have you talked with your brother about this? Perhaps he can help you to deal with the situation and your parents, as awkward as it may feel at first.</p>
<p>Ah man things seem rough for you, although i cant relate i can give you some advice. The fact that you are on lockdown is ridiculous 3.9 is a great gpa and im sure you have above 2000 on the SAT’s. this information alone speaks to me that you are a smarter kid. Your parents are in the wrong, im not sure how you can approach and take up this issue with them. They are deluded if they think that you should live up to your brothers every standard. Life isnt always about the smartest people. I know college stress well roundedness and some ppl take it as bs, but truthfully most ceo’s and succesful people arent prodigies they are of high intelligence as it seems you are but possess other interpersonal skills and passion that leads them to success. as long as you are content with what your doing you should be fine, life might be tormenting for the next year or so, but dont worry only better times ahead. just hold out, make the ganja your friend whatever you want just keep your grades up and reflect on all the things that you do posses and dont dwell on your imperfect gpa and sub 2300 sat score, after highschool that stuff doesnt mean anything</p>