It’s about 900 words; if you’re interested just let me know in the comments. I’d prefer people who I can trust aren’t going to post it to a public archive somewhere so that I can still use it 
So if you’re a brand new account I might not respond.
- Do I spend too much time on certain periods of time in my essay? I try to tell my story, and in doing so I've tried to focus on the most important points. Perhaps the opening paragraph is too slow given the scope of the essay?
- Too many references? I mention names like Howard Zinn and other elements which have largely influenced me. I do this because most of my interest in this field has come from being a part-time autodidact, rather than from years of coursework.
- Cheesy parts? I'm trying to get rid of phrases that sound too cheesy or melodramatic as I think that it detracts from the seriousness of the essay. Any tips with regards to this would be appreciated.
Or if you don’t have time to think through all these questions you can just tell me general comments Thanks!