Can someone please critic my common app essay?

<p>The prompt I chose:
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their
application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.</p>

<p>My essay is about my life overseas and the lessons I've learned living with a diverse group of people. My problem is that I feel like I am not delivering a strong enough message (doing more telling than showing) I will PM anyone who wants to read, just respond and I will send! :)</p>

<p>PM me if you want</p>

<p>PM if you would like. I just mentored at an essay writing workshop, so am in the “essay” thinking mode right now! I can give you my feedback if you would like.</p>

<p>yes, i would like to read it for you.</p>