can someone please critique my common app short answer?

College Essays
1

<p>Well here is the short answer essay so far:<br>
Required In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer). </p>

<p>There is no better feeling than leaving the gym after a solid workout. Growing up, it has always been important for me to stay fit by playing sports. Over the past several months I have been working hard at the gym to build myself stronger both physically and mentally. As the physical results of working out take time to develop, I noticed how such a hobby can have an affect on my mind so quickly. Now, everyday, I walk out of the gym with a smile on my face. I am greatful I got into this activity beacuse it a great way for me to relieve stress and even boost self confidence. With a dedicated mindset and assistance from close friends I will be pushing myself to incorporate working out as a lifetime hobby.</p>

<p>This is a rough draft, if you could criticize it, or give me pointers on how to make it better it would much appreciated!
Thank you in advance!!</p>

2

<p>throw something in about dedication because visual results are slow. i think it would give it that extra good characteristic in one sentence.</p>

3

<p>thanks great idea!</p>

4

<p>As the physical results of working out take time to develop, I noticed how such a hobby can have an affect on my mind so quickly. - this sentence seems awkward</p>

<p>Now, everyday, I walk out of the gym with a smile on my face. - better description of the satisfaction you feel. “with a smile on my face” is trite</p>

<p>You spelled grateful wrong.</p>