Can someone please grade my SAT essay and explain why I got that score?

<p>Prompt:
What is your view of the claim that the opinion of the majority is not always right?</p>

<p>Essay:
Democracy is based on the concept of majority rule in which the position of the largest number of supporters. Although reasonable in theory, the majority itself is often unreasonable; many of the opinions of the majority are merely precedents of those times and are poorly thought through. Thus, the opinion of the majority is not always right, but it is, nonetheless, one of the best tools we have.</p>

<p>The internment of the Japanese Americans during WWII is a prime example of the failure of the majority rule. In the states on the West Coast, there was a mounting fear that the Japanese would launch an attack akin to that on Pearl Harbor led many to advocate for rounding up the Japanese and placing them in camps. The fact that there had been no confirmed reports of Japanese Americans (JA) sabotage or treason was ignored by the public; indeed, one military leader, applying a twisted military logic, claimed that the lack of sabotage was a sign that sabotage would soon come. Furthermore, many Americans wanted to vent their pent-up dislike for the JA because the JA threatened American jobs because the JA were harder workers than American ones.</p>

<p>Thus, under the guise of national security, president Roosevelt issued an executive order ordering JA to travel to internment camps on a few days notice. Many Japanese business owners were forced to sell off goods at sharp discounts before their moves, leading to a steep drop in profits, and many JA had to leave their belongings behind. The internment camps themselves were decently accomadated, but many JA were depressed to find that the country they were loyal too were questioning them like that. After the war, Japanese families returned to their homes only to find that they had been looted and ransacked. In total, over millions of dollars in Japanese property had been lost. Americans, however, still felt that their actions had been justified during the way, despite the irrational motives and desire for retribution behind them.</p>

<p>Yet majority rule is not a complete failure. In the 1980s, President Reagan decided to issue a formal apology to the JA for their internment camps and arranged for compensation to the JA. Clearly, the majority can err in the heat of the moment, but it has the power of looking at things in retrospect and correcting its past mistakes. The saving grace of the majority is its dynamicism.</p>

<p>What was your score? I’d give this a 6-8, and here’s why…</p>

<p>1) Too few examples; your’s is too longwinded. Aim for three examples, using the five paragraph structure you were taught in elementary school: 1 intro + 3 body paragraphs + 1 conclusions
2) Be concise, and state your point clearly. I’m still not sure if you’re for/against majority rule. SAT essays are black and white; gray areas lower your score.
3) You have several grammatical errors, and certain areas are too wordy. As mentioned in tip 2, be CONCISE.</p>

<p>

This does not appear to be a sentence.<br>

I don’t think precedent is the right word here. A precedent is something that came before. The sentence doesn’t support the statement that the opinion of the majority is not always right. The statement that it is one of the best tools we have is completely unsupported, and is not argued in any of the rest of the essay.

Seems like it should be “the mounting fear…led many to advocate for…”

inserted your personal opinion

“Japanese Ameri**can<a href=“JA”>/b</a> sabotage or treason…”

Kind of runs on.

Capitalize President?

“were loyal to were questioning them.” Still not great.

“millions” or “over a million”</p>

<p>Too much irrelevant detail in the one example. Use more examples, less irrelevant detail.</p>

<p>I’d give it an 8… I like the internment example. I gave you the score you deserved more so on content, rather than small grammar quirks. Develop your ideas better, and I guarantee that that will be the solution to any grammatical subtleties that may be in your writing.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Quirks? Subtleties?</p>

<p>How about “errors”? How about “if it’s not written in English, it doesn’t matter how good your ideas are”?</p>

<p>First sentence is a fragment. Second sentence misuses the word “precedents.” And your final sentence (assuming one were to read that far, and if I were grading this, I wouldn’t have) ends with a word that doesn’t exist. Perhaps you meant “dynamism.”</p>