Can someone please read and asses my perosnal statement. It would help me alot.

<p>I am applying to Cal as a Conservation and Resource Studies major with a 3.0 GPA.</p>

<p>A personal experience that means the most to me was moving out of my physically abusive household my first year at community college in order to pursue and fight for my educational goals and endeavors. This situation has made me a persevering young adult above all other traits I can use to describe myself. The night that I was in the ER with a subconjunctival hemorrhage and fractured eye socket from my dad punching me (after finally letting him know that his dream of me pursuing a pre-med undergraduate track was not in my educational plan) was a turning point for me. I knew that I had to start a new life for myself if I ever wanted my educational dreams to become my reality; I also knew that this would not be easy. After my parents realizing that I had went to the hospital and with the contingency that I did not plan to change my educational track for their favor, they told me they would not continue to pay for my education or let me live with them and if I came back they would make it hell for me because I was only bringing trouble into their household if I was not planning on getting a professional degree in addition to the fact that I threatened their jobs by treating the injury my dad caused. I believed everything they said to me because from the months leading up to this incident they made it very difficult for me to go to school and study, which affected my grades intensely. My dad was routinely abusive and my mom was continually stealing money I needed from school because she had access to the bank account since high school. Over the next year and during my school semester I had to stay at a friend’s house, while waiting to acquire two jobs (one for the week and one for the weekend) so that I could eventually find a place to rent, have food, and pay for school. After that period my journey really began to start. Once I found a place and was working two jobs to support myself while balancing school many challenges came my way and my perseverance was tested on many occasions. I would come home many nights at 11 pm and have to study until 6 am in the morning so that I could pass tests and turn in assignments. My grades faltered a lot at first, but from that time until now they have only gotten progressively better because I have embraced the power of perseverance and I have also realized the passion I have to pursue my major and how I can use it to give back to the community. Everyday that I go to school, I remember how far I have come and I persevere to move beyond my past and not let my dad’s physical abuse and my mother’s disruptive behavior stop me from moving forward. Cal is my next step forward. It is what I was told I could not do every time my dad hit me and it is what my mother wanted to prevent me from doing through her constant destructive behavior. I remember my negative circumstances daily but the future is what really gets me going. Because of what I have gone through I meet challenges with an open, curious, and persevering mind that I know will make me successful at Cal as well as in my future plans as a Conservationist. I would encourage everyone to look at the upward trend of my grades because it not only shows how far I have come but it shows the persevering spirit and mind that is guiding my life in the same direction.</p>

<p>Ask on the essay boards as well…</p>

<p>How do I do that Catria?</p>

<p>[College</a> Essays - College Confidential](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/]College”>College Essays - College Confidential Forums)</p>

<p>The essays board, where you can post your personal statement.</p>

<p>Hey, just a warning : DO NOT post your essay on the thread. Ask if anyone is willing to critique your essay and pm/email it to them. There is a chance other people could steal your work, and you definitely don’t want to risk it. Read the stickied threads on the college essay board for more advice on getting the most out of that board.</p>

<p>Thank you chewydog!!</p>

<p>I know that I have never met both of you but I really need the help with someone reading my statement. Could I send it to both of you?</p>