can someone please read my college application essay and suggest what to add or what to change?

<p>Please help me out! Here's my essay - </p>

<p>Title: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you and what lessons did you learn.</p>

<p>“Group 4, you’re up next”. </p>

<p>A drop of sweat ran down my forehead as these words of my teacher echoed in my ears. A tsunami of thoughts were going through my mind and I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t stop these horrendous thoughts as they were starting to take control of me. I constantly thought that this might be the last day when I could walk the halls of my school without hiding my face, as I utterly embarrass myself in front of my peers. As I sat there, in my 2nd period English class, literally shaking and sweating, with a storm raging in my head, group 4 started their presentation. And to my horror, I was in group 5 and we were up next.</p>

<p>It was the presentation day for my English 11 finals. Anyone else in my class would contemplate that it’s just a presentation and couldn’t care less about how it goes or what they say. But oh no, that’s not me, not even on a bad day. As I am a perfectionist, sometimes I don’t give myself a break and go over-board with everything I do. I couldn’t do a halfhearted presentation when the only hope of getting an A depends on this final project. But how could I put up a good show when I’m shuddering from the inside out because of a fear that I cannot contain? I couldn’t even remember my own name because the nerves were getting to me. In that position how did my classmates and teacher even expect me to remember my lines? Of course I was stuck with a partner who didn’t even do one quarter of the work we were supposed to do and the entire burden was on my shoulders. A crumpled piece of paper was clutched tight in my hands that had my lines written on it. But I couldn’t focus; in fact, I couldn’t even get a grip of what I was supposed to do. I’ve always been the shy kid in class and always dreadful of speaking in front of a lot of people. Public speaking was always my biggest fear and I’ve been trying to hide from it my whole life by calling in sick on such days. But this was different; as it was a part of my final exam, I couldn’t hide from it. That moment, I literally wanted to disappear off the face of the earth. But that was not happening any time soon. Then the terrifying moment arrived, group 4 was done presenting and I heard my teacher call out group 5 and our names. It felt like my heart skipped a beat and my entire being was falling apart. Just as I thought, I stood there in front of the whole class, these eyes staring at me like they were ready to pick on even the micro sized flaw I had, I forgot anything and everything I put an effort to remember. The next 15 minutes of my life feels like a blur even to this day. As I stuttered and muttered some words, it was clear that I didn’t know what I was saying. It was downright humiliation. </p>

<p>As I stared at the disappointed faces of my classmates, something struck me. That very moment I realized that I have to change myself. I realized that if I kept this up, my life won’t take me very far and I would eventually hit a dead end. I was so fanatical about getting the approval of others that I lost myself on the way. Since that day, I started to comprehend that other peoples’ judgment does not define who I am. How I define myself as a person is what matters the most.</p>

<p>I feel the conclusion is not very effective.the learning form the failure thats the crux.probably the middle part you need to cut down little</p>