Can someone please read my college essay

Hi! Can someone please read and critique harshly my college application essay. My prompt is “Describe the Neighborhood in which you grew up and how it influenced your development making you into the person you are today.” But, it’s just a suggested prompt meaning I could tweak it a bit perhaps into the idol prompt: “Write about your role model or a person you aspire to be like, and explain how you think this University could help you follow in his or her footsteps.”

Have you consulted this link on CC for potential essay readers?

http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/552302-consolidated-list-of-essay-readers-on-cc-p60.html

For protection of your privacy, please do NOT post your essay directly on CC.

OP, I’d read it for you but you can’t PM due to too few posts.

I suggest asking a trusted English teacher to read it over for you.

How do I fix that, I am new here.

People can PM you and you can respond. You cannot PM them until you have X number of posts [I think it’s 10 but I could be wrong]. Do not try junk posts. That’s against the rules. Be patient. Comment on things you see that matter to you or issues where you think you have something to offer. Check the link that @tgl2023 posted at #1. Check out any people who offer to read your essay. You can get a good sense of them from prior posts and how candid they are. Check me out for example. I’ve sent you a message, and you can decide if I am trustworthy or if you think my opinion would be helpful. Welcome to CC, ATS