Can someone please read my Common app essay and let me know what they think about the topic?

So I came up with this idea of writing about my journey with science and my love for it and how it depends especially for physics. But people said that this topic is not personal enough and it will get me rejected but I still wrote the first draft so could someone please read it and let me know if the topic will work?

Your essay should reveal something about you that isn’t found elsewhere in your application. Based on one of your other posts, your love of science is going to be evident through your activities and awards. This kind of essay is very unlikely to enhance your application.

Can I PM you? I have another essay Idea and I have no one to discuss with…

There are a group of people who volunteered to be essay readers on CC. I’m not sure how you reach out to them.

Your essay can be about how you think and how your passions developed, but don’t stray too far away from talking about you.

Yea my essay revolves around how I think and my passion but I am still not sure about the topic that’s why i needed help. If you are free then could you please read it? I really do not need help with grammar or beautifying it, just stuff like how’s the topic and if its showing me nicely or if I should look for other topics. Also I tried the group and I have no idea how to contact them.