<p>Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>
<p>Summit day had finally arrived at BLANK High School. I waited anxiously as I saw seventy students shuffling through the hallways to make their way to Multi-Purpose Room One. These students had been appointed the title of facilitators for the newly founded RSVP organization within the school and I knew that their duty would change the way many students would perceive high school. </p>
<pre><code>Few months prior I found myself bustling through the swarms of high school students crowded around the Performing Arts Center. Club Rush. The three days of the school years where clubs can advertise their mission statement to the students and draw in new members. As I slowly walked past the conventional Key Club and CSF club, I noticed a club that I had never heard the name of before - Raising Student Voice and Participation. The person in charge earnestly said, “Would you be interested in bringing change to the school and making everyone’s voice be heard?” I immediately envisioned what the club could actually mean for BLANK High School with students finally having the ability to personally point out their ideas that would be taken into consideration for school wide change and I rapidly signed up for the Vice-President position.
Becoming Vice-President for RSVP did not come as an easy assignment for which I would watch the changes magically happen. I had onerous role of helping RSVP through the infantile stages of a club by walking into every fourth period classroom and explaining what the main goal of RSVP was and spending countless hours after school making posters in the ASB room. I still remember the perplexed faces the teachers made as I began explaining, but as soon as I got to the end of every speech, all of the teachers were on board with the goal of RSVP and the Summit process.
BLANK High School had never done anything like what RSVP did by holding summits in every classroom to encompass the opinions and ideas of every student in the school. Finally the students had a way of actually expressing themselves to their own peers who were acting as the facilitators of the summits. They were able to give their own personal feedback about the school and community that would have otherwise been impossible if they had no one to convey their thoughts to. When I finally had the time to reflect on what had happened with RSVP, I realized that I played a significant role in bringing students an opportunity that was never present through the entire history of BLANK High School. Never before had I played an integral role in something that had affected not just me, but the lives of many others. RSVP played the important role in my life of actually showing how I had the ability to help other people if I put all my effort into it, and I aspire to always retain that notion for as long as I live.
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<p>Any constructive criticism would be much appreciated! Thank you guys so much for the help!!!!!</p>
<p>the essay gives a “story teller” vibe, as if it was like a book.</p>
<p>is that really bad? do i have to start the whole thing over again???</p>
<p>You did not answered the prompt correctly. You did mention about " contribution or experience that is important to you" but the essay was all about that. In the last few sentences you mentioned “What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?”. But it isn’t enough, you need to tell more. </p>
<p>In your essay you talked more about the event than you talked about yourself. It’s a good essay, but you need to tell a bit more about yourself. </p>
<p>Hope it helps,
Good Luck!</p>
<p>here is a revised copy where i try really hard to clarify my own character a bit more! I mainly changed the third and fourth paragraph…</p>
<p>Summit day had finally arrived at BLANK High School. I waited anxiously as I saw seventy students shuffling through the hallways to make their way to Multi-Purpose Room One. These students had been appointed the title of facilitators for the newly founded RSVP organization within the school and I knew that their duty would change the way many students would perceive high school. </p>
<pre><code>Few months prior I found myself bustling through the swarms of high school students crowded around the Performing Arts Center. Club Rush. The three days of the school years where clubs can advertise their mission statement to the students and draw in new members. As I slowly walked past the conventional Key Club and CSF club, I noticed a club that I had never heard the name of before - Raising Student Voice and Participation. The person in charge earnestly said, “Would you be interested in bringing change to the school and making everyone’s voice be heard?” I immediately envisioned what the club could actually mean for BLANK High School with students finally having the ability to personally point out their ideas that would be taken into consideration for school wide change and I rapidly signed up for the Vice-President position.
Becoming Vice-President for RSVP immediately bombarded me with a plethora of tasks to complete on a very limited time scale. More often then naught I would spend most of my days after school constructing posters in the ASB and explaining to people what RSVP actually was repeatedly. Never before had any group at BLANK attempted to create an organization where students acting as facilitators would hold open forums so that every student can have the ability to speak up about their opinions and what they would want to see changed in the school. However, here I was in the midst of all of it trying to make this infantile organization a success. I always held the notion throughout the whole process that if this were to succeed; we can make a difference that was unrivaled in proportion. Consequently, that single notion was able to motivate me to continue my diligence throughout the entire process. For the first time ever, I was able to set a direct goal that I was assured to reach one way or another. In the case of RSVP, it would be through always maintaining a sedulous disposition no matter what the odds may be.
Looking back upon the RSVP summit day, I cannot express the exuberance that I felt as facilitators who were coming back from their respective classrooms showed me the immense amount of opinions that they got from almost every student in the classroom. I had played an integral role in an organization that would help create a new attitude in BLANK High School that every single kid had an equal voice and that we were willing to listen. Countless days of hard work really seemed to pay off when I saw the positive remarks people were sharing about RSVP for weeks to come. Looking forward, I know what if I am able to commit myself fully to whatever I aspire to do, I will be able to make differences just like how I did with Raising Student Voice and Participation.
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