Can someone please score my Essay?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>This is on the prompt from the Official Guide 1st Edition Test#1</p>

<p>"What motivates people to change?"</p>

<p>Everything has a reason. The world famous scientist, Issac Newton, who was a pioneer in the science of 'the law of conservation of energy', concluded in his third law of motion that energy can not be created nor destroyed. His law does not only apply to Physics but to everything, 'change' is no exception.</p>

<p>Because the world we live in follows this law of conservation, any level of change must have an equal magnitude of motivation behind it, thus to understand what motivates people to change it is pivotal to know what the change is. The most basic change humans go through in life is growth. As we go on in life we experience many new situations, but it not just experiencing something new that causes change, it is what we take from such experiences that provides the 'energy ' to invoke change.</p>

<p>The human mind is different from other beings because of one particular quality, self -realization. Humans can step out of their bodies and look at themselves to judge what they feel needs changing, through what really makes this an important source for change is the ability to compare ourselves with others around us. It is by comparing our-self to others that we can see the potential for change. Of course what attracts us in others is objective. So it can be said that change can be sourced from all sorts of comparison regardless of whether its beneficial or not. </p>

<p>Overall change is inevitable as the world around us is constantly changing. The environment that we live in demands change as part of nature. Survival of the fittest is the basic necessity for any specie. nature requires human to change for their own survival.</p>

<p>5 days left till the exam, and I'm dreading this section of the test (with good reason). I have any universal examples and stuff stored up in my mind, or any fixed plan. I don't think I'll be able to pull out any examples from history, literature etc on the test day. I can think of general ideas that link to the prompts though and support them with logic. </p>

<p>I'm curious to know what this standard of essay would get, out of 12, and if you see any potential for improvement that can easily be achieved in 5 days, I'd really appreciate it (keep in mind though I do have to do a lot of CR tests in these few days too).</p>

2

<p>Um… 8 maybe. It’s very well written, but kind of off-topic. You’ve illustrated the concept of change well, but haven’t focused as much on the reasons for the change as you should have. And it looks a little short, too. My advice, re-read the prompt after every paragraph. I tend to go off-topic as well, only to realize I’ve written a fantastic essay which doesn’t completely address the prompt.</p>

<p>I think you’re all set, as long as you stick to the topic, and fill up every line on the sheet. Well written.</p>

3

<p>interesting, I think if I summarized the reasons I gave through the essay at the end it might have helped you see them more clearly. The first was experiences, the second was comparison and the third was environment and the change demanding nature of life. </p>

<p>As for the length I only got 1 page and 10 lines (there are like 25 lines on each side). I CAN make it longer, but I would be mostly rambling/padding, is that any good?</p>

<p>If I did manage to write the above essay, summarize the reasons I mentioned how much would you score it? Also how much more would you score it if I did add padding (spread out between impt points ofc) and managed to reach the end of the second page?</p>

4

<p>You’ll nail it then. You develop the intro very well. Then you get to the essence and talk about it as if self-evident. This isn’t the fourth class in a sociobiology lecture or something. Write another two paragraphs explaining and supporting your thesis, and make it evident to me what you think the reason for the change is. I shouldn’t have to go looking to find out what your reason is.</p>

<p>If you do fill up both pages, with what you call “padding”, you’ll probably make it a lot better. On the other hand, you could provide an actual example of how nature demands change in one whole paragraph. Evolutionary examples, biological and psychological adaptation, and so on.</p>

5

<p>Got it. Thank you canhazphysics, really helpful. I’m going to go do some CR and then try and see if I can actually manage to get the two pages full in time while keeping it relevant with examples, etc.</p>

<p>Thanks again. =]</p>