Can someone score my practice sat essay?

<p>The essay question is: "Is it important to question the ideas and decision of people in positions of authority?". Also can you give me feedback on how to improve it?</p>

<p>People have always wondered whether or not one should question the ideas and observations of people in authority. Although most people would get intimidated by these people, it is necessary for one to stand up against a tyrant-like ruler. Protagonists like Mahatama Gandhi and people who sheltered Jewish people from Hitler strive to prove this point
Mahatama Gandhi was a revolutionary leader, who tried to overthrow the British crown from their dominion in India. THe British had included India in their empire for a multitude of years, and had started to act like tyrants. When the lawyer, Mahatama Karamchand Gandhi arrived in India in the mid 20th century, he sought to remove British rule from India. Although the people in power at the time tried to dissuade his actions, he continued to use his policies of Satyagraha, non-violence, to persuade the residents of India to act act against the British. British law at the time required Indians to pay a heavy tax on salt, which was an necessity for many Indian foods. Self-actualized Gandhi tried to find a way around this law with the Salt March, which took place in March 3rd, 1939. He led followers to the tip of the Indian subcontinent to retrieve salt from the Indian Ocean. This act allowed many citizens to use salty in their foods, without paying the superfluous tax on salt. Gandhi's venture against the people in power allowed for the betterment of the lives of India's citizens.
Adolf Hitler was an Antagonist who despised the Jewish people, and believed them to be the source of all problems. This led to Hitler initiating the Holocaust in the mid 20th century. He sought to exterminate all the Jewish people in Germany. His use of extermination camps to kill every Jewish person including men, women, and children who were at least 1/8th Jewish, caused a lot of doubt within the citizens of go Germany. These citizens took it upon themselves to shelter Jewish people from the Nazis, Jewish despising Germans, by disguising them as non-Jews. According to a study around 530,000 Jewish people were saved, but 6,000,000 people were still brutally murdered. From the group that was saves contained the grandmother of a great scientist we know as Albert Einstein. If the citizens had not stood against [ep[;e in power, we may not have some of the greatest people we know today.
The world of Mahatama Gandhi and citizens of Germany thus shows how standing up against people with power can be beneficial.</p>

<p>I think the essay would score a combined score of 9 or 10, with individual scores of 4 or 5. I like your use of numbers and dates but it seems like youre going so much in detail that you forget to tie the examples back to the question adequatly. Analyze more about how these examples prove QUESTIONING AUTHORITY is a good thing ( not standing up, they are different)</p>

<p>How should I do that?</p>

<p>You had like 10 sentences on details of hitlers extermination of jews, but only one or two sentences on how its relevant to the topic. Try to aim about a 7 to 4 sentence ration of examples to analysis</p>