<p>I did not state nor did I imply. By definition when one say "mommies" the feelings of love, natural desire to protect, respect for the postition are all implied. I am so sorry you took it negatively. My mommie does all of these things and doesn't necessarily like hearing the raw hard truths about undergrad life in a dorm........she is after all
[quote]
**feeling the need to defend and protect.
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**</p>
<p>re: the $25 per HOUR sexile fee. Wait till these kids get married. They'll be able to do the nasty during the commercial time between the local news and Letterman's monologue. 4 minutes tops does the trick once you know where to find everything. (even in the dark!) ;)</p>
<p>without latex or with???? hehehe just had to get that in there. You are comparing prosport to club sport........novice to professional. That's not sportsman like behavior.</p>
<p>latex??? What's that. My memory is fading....</p>
<p>Sorry, I meant the drinking age was EIGHTEEN back in the seventies in Minnesota. Senior moment.</p>
<p>I am also reading I Am Charlotte Simmons. Where this book loses touch with reality is the way that every single person in the college is portrayed with such a negative one dimensional view. In real life, Charlotte would most certainly have found at least a few other like-minded friends! In most large schools everyone can find their own niche if its important enough for them to do so.</p>
<p>The point of the negativity isn't the reality of it but rather the experience that Charlotte has. Her coming in at the top of her intellectual game and then her realization of how poorly prepared she is.....compared to the well prepared amongst her. The total lack of financial wherewithall......the one pair of designer jeans......it is quite the story. Her homemade computer and her coming of age and accepting herself. Don't get caught up in the details.</p>
<p>You know like here in the PF folks have senior moments about legal age for beer drinking and use of latex........you don't fool me folks.</p>
<p>latex you mean like in B & D?</p>
<p>( I bought a rainbow strip for my back windshield from a GLBT bookstore that was closing- but between every color there was a black band- I didn't want to ask the bookstore owner what it meant so I had to ask my daughter)</p>
<p>Agreed, roschke. The book really wasn't very good except for its descriptions of college debauchery.</p>
<p>
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latex you mean like in B & D?
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Gee, I thought he meant condoms (and most of us mommies are hoping that kids are willing to take the time for them).</p>
<p>Yes, we are talking condoms, but that rainbow strip for the car went WAY over my head. And just when I was feeling quite hip for knowing the acronym LGBT. ;)</p>
<p>(realizing I have no idea what B & D is) I thought I'd be safe in the Parent's Forum!</p>
<p>well when Dan Savage ( the man who encouraged his readers to find a new meaning for Santorum) is local, you learn a lot</p>
<p>ok, so it's GLBT. :) Alex, judges? I'm trying to keep up, really I am.</p>
<p>My turn...I left a dorm because of lack of control over anything. Booze, sex, running around uncontrollably, making noises, girls in guys bathrooms at 2AM, it just was NOT COOL. Maybe I'm a bit too old fashioned and maybe even a bit square, but this was just awful.</p>
<p>The college in question was Mount Union. The RAs were worthless. One was never there, one was always out partying, one was always drunk, and one smoked cocaine. What sort of example are these people setting? (You be the judge). Honestly, I thought I was better qualified to be an RA and I was only a freshman...didn't take a genius to see these people weren't going to regulate anything. I complained several times and no action was ever taken.</p>
<p>Now don't get me wrong, I like to have fun now and then. I enjoy a good night out, but I don't drink and am saving sex until marriage. Unfortunately, this college had no morals. I left Mount Union before the semseter even ended because it was so awful. And they never apologized or anything.</p>
<p>Also, they didn't have any RAs who could help counsel people who had trouble fitting in. When the subject was brought up in a LS100 class, I was labeled a lunatic because I am anti-pornography. Some guys in my dorm pretty much cut me down for weeks because of that, saying I wasn't a real man. Well, I figure I'm a real man in God's eyes, but they just got to be unbearable. Once my door was almost bust down by some drunks...no action was taken to punish anyone. Noise in the halls = no concentration for studying = bad grades. No action taken there either. So I pretty much just got up and left, haphazardly putting all my stuff in my mom's car and making a mad dash for Pittsburgh, where I lived happily ever after (I guess).</p>
<p>A friend's D is a freshman this year on a coed floor of a private LAC in New England. The second week of school some of the male students hired two stripper/prostitutes to visit them. The female students had to hole up in their rooms to avoid the hired help who were traipsing up and down the hallway in and out of their "work" clothes. My friend was quite dismayed since she's paying 40K out of pocket for this educational experience.</p>
<p>Baseball -- how awful.</p>
<p>I know that in this case it was paid strippers, but in many cases, the casual sex encounters occur with the coeds. </p>
<p>If I was a mom of girls, I would tell my daughters to stop letting men treat them like lifelike blow-up dolls. If these girls think that these boys think that they (the girls) are anything more than a resevoir for their sexual experiences, they are crazy. (As a mother of boys, my husband and I have impressed upon our boys to have respect for girls (they are somebody else's future wives!!) and to not treat them as sex objects. We've taught them that dating is serious business -- it's to find a life-long mate by having conversations to weed out "poor matches" (Dating is THE pre-marital activity). </p>
<p>Why does ANYONE wonder why men won't "commit"? Why would I commit to just one vacation destination when there are a million others that are easily available to me with little "commitment" from me???</p>
<p>I am very proud that they "like girls" as people and as friends and as possibly future mates (of them or someone else.) And guess what, girls LOVE them!!!! Our phones are always ringing and they are IM'ed constantly.</p>
<p>Prof Jane Smith has written extensively about the LONG- TERM pain girls experience after realizing that they were used over and over again by guys who just want free sex. She also writes about the fact that girls often feel "a commitment" (often one-way) to the guy they are sleeping with and won't "get out" even when the relationship is abusive in some way. Prof Smith has taught in universities for over 25 years -- she has seen it all. And seen the pain.</p>
<p>Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.</p>
<p>There's a common sense dating self-help book for women called "He's Just Not that Into You" written by a former writer for Sex & the City. I bought if for my D, but she "didn't need it", so I read it. I had plenty of laughs reading it and seeing my own and my friends' past mistakes in black and white.</p>
<p>the turn this thread has taken surprises me.
Some women have stronger sex drives than men, and better birth control gives them the opportunity to pursue a sexual relationship, with or without a long term commitment if they are interested.</p>
<p>Sex before marriage is hardly a new thing, my mother in law, hypocrite that she is, was pregnant with my husband when she got married.
I have had many more sex partners than my husband has , I didn't fall in love with all of them, and some of my best relationships could have been termed "friends with benefits". We were good friends, but did not have the strong pull that romantic relationships should, they were good relationships, and segued into "just friends" when we each met someone we had more interest in as a romantic partner.
It should be about choice- no you should not feel pressured to have sex, whether it is internal or external pressure. But women don't have to be emotionally bound up in the sexual act, and should be able to make a choice what sort of level of commitment they expect.</p>
<p>fixed below post</p>
<p>emerald (and other similar minded ones): you're one of the lucky ones. </p>
<p>My friend's son (when he was a college freshman) "hooked" up with girl (who swore she was on the pill) and now they have a son (but they aren't together). This one night stand has resulted in an 18 year financial commitment. Many dads think it's cool that guys today have so much sexual access to so many girls but if one of those girls ends up pregnant and there's a financial obligation, then it isn't so cool anymore. Girls may be on birth control - but many things can interfere with its effectiveness (food, fiber, illness, anti-biotics & other meds) so an unplanned pregnancy can still happen. When the pregnancy is from a casual hook up, everyone (including the innocent baby) is a loser.</p>
<p>Sex before marriage has never been new - few if any of us were virgins when we got married. What is "new" is that the sex is occurring between people that they would never lend $100 bucks to. (The point I'm making is that now sex is ridiculously casual.) There was a time when couples had premarital sex with someone that they would marry, if necessary or if they were older. In other words, the couple had a "real relationship" before sex entered the relationship. </p>
<p>If anyone thinks all these casual "hook ups" of today aren't going to have long term negative consequences then they are incredibly naive. Sexual activity causes the hormone oxytocin to release (the same hormone that bonds moms to their babies). That hormone creates a bond between the woman and the man. Just because a gal may have a high sex drive is no excuse to engage in casual sex. Such a gal should spend some energy finding a committed man so if all that sex results in a child, that child will have a good daddy.</p>
<p>Another point: All one has to do is look at the long-term negative affects that occur to foster kids when they are moved from family to family. The first bond is tight - but then it is broken. The second bond is less tight (a protection mechanism) and then it is broken, the third is even less tight...and so on until the child has difficulty making permanent bonds at all. THIS is what happens when people repeatedly sexually bond with others and break up. Eventually it becomes more difficult to make a healthy bond with a person.</p>
<p>BTW: the point that "women don't have to be emotionally bound up in the sexual act" is a denial to how normal women are wired. AND if I was a man, I wouldn't want to EVER marry a woman who could have such casual, uncommitted sex; such a woman would be much more likely to be unfaithful. And the same is true for men -- I would never have considered marrying my hubby (of over 20 years) if I knew that he would ever engage in casual sex (how could I trust him when he goes on business trips -- After all, the type of married men who have one-night stands and "it's just sex" affairs, ARE the men who can have casual sex). Neither of us were virgins but neither of us ever engaged in casual sex before marriage and we've both been 100% faithful in marriage..</p>