Can you grade my SAT Writing essay?

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below:</p>

<p>I cannot comprehend those who emphasize or recognize only what is useful. I am concerned that learning for learning's sake is no longer considered desirable, that everything we do and think must be directed toward the solution of a practical problem. More and more we seem to try to teach how to make a good living and not how to live a good life.</p>

<p>Adapted from Philip D. Jordan, "The Usefulness of Useless Knowledge"</p>

<p>Assignment: Do people put too much emphasis on learning practical skills? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<pre><code>In our modern day society we overemphasize "practical" skills as opposed to simply learning what we desire and wish to learn. Instead of viewing learning as an enriching experience we look towards it as being simply a tool through which we make money or become succesful, not enough importance is placed on the joy of learning itself.
An excellent example of this taking place in our society would be my cousin. His dream in life was to become a musician. However his parents were not willing to support his nterest in learning more about music and furthering his abilities. His parents insisted that he needed learn something that he could use to become succesful and feed his family. They believed that he should learn a trade that would make him succesful not happy.
My cousin decided to pursue a degreein software engineering. He despised the field; he drudged through college due to his parents persistantly pushing him towards the degree. He eventually got the degree and became a successful software engineer. However despite what it may seem, he was not happy. He had a great job but could not continue learning what loved. The job was extremely practical, he earned over$90,000 a year, had benefits, low working hours, Despite the practicality of his knowledge brought him, he was unhappy with life.

After 3 years as an engineer, my uncle quit his job, sold his car and bough high end studio equpment to record at home, he spent most of his days playing and composing music, he became much happier with life; had a much more positive outlook and became all around a much better person to be around.
Only after learning what he truly desired did my uncle become succesful in life, his parents placed too much emphasis on the practicality of learning, as do many others in our society. Yet the over emphasis on learning as being simply a tool for succes is wrong as can be seen by my uncle who learned simply what he desired to learn and became a much happier person, in addition to feeling much more postive about his future. Learning is increasingly looked upon as a practical tool when it should infact be seen as a way to enrich ones life.
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<p>what do you think i should get on this essay?</p>

<p>Proabably an 8</p>

<p>You just used examples and never did any real analysis. No structure, no transitions, weak thesis...i'd say around 6-8 for staying on topic. I'm sorry if I'm being critical...here's how to improve:</p>

<p>1) Go to Sparknotes.com---free stuff for writing section there with an excellent section on essay writing and multiple choice
2) Each paragraph should transition smoothly. If you use an example, make sure it doesn't say the same thing as the first one and explain your topic before offering example...a paragraph shouldn't JUST be an example, but should simply support your arguement (hope that made sense)
3) Word choice- repeated some words too often (like learn)
4) Need a REAL conclusion</p>

<p>I could be wrong. but i saw no conclusion? no conclusion=like 8. If thats a consluion n i simply misread, 10</p>

<p>10, if not higher.</p>

<p>Are you certain that an essay without a conclusion can only get a grade of 8/12 at most? Where did you read this from?</p>

<p>not true, you can score perfect 12 even w/out conclusion. Depends on if your essay is bomb.</p>

<p>Gotta have a conclusion, or the only bomb you will have is the one exploding through your fingertips...Essay format requires it...</p>

<p>"Essay format requires it"? Are you crazy? Here is a quote from the guidelines for readers: "Remember that an unfinished (but developed) paper is not penalized for lacking a full conclusion."</p>

<p>Sure, a solid conclusion can help. But a well written essay helps a lot more. I think most CB readers would give the OPs essay a 3 or a 4 (6-8 total). It's on the bubble. You could argue that it adequately develops the topic, but the structure, sentence complexity, and vocabulary are not particularly inspiring. Concentrate more on developing the idea rather than just recounting events.</p>

<p>This was the West Coast June Prompt. I wrote a 12.</p>

<p>no, i think u can not get higher than a 10 if u have no conclusion. Impossible to get a 12</p>

<p>i got an 11 with a 2 sentence conclusion.</p>

<p>okay cool , i did get an 8, how should i improve it? like develop the idea</p>

<p>bump-o bump-o</p>

<p>I got an 11 with 1 intro, 2.5 body paragraphs, and (consequently) no conclusion. Also, I misused a word (a word that actually didn't exist..). Crazy? Yes. Lucky? Yes. Anything can happen I guess.. when I have the time, I'll try to decipher my essay and type it up on this thread or something.</p>