Can you grade this practice SAT essay?

<p>If you could give me feedback, that would be great as well.</p>

<p>PROMPT
Technology promises to make our lives easier, freeing up time for leisure pursuits. But the rapid pace of technological innovation and the split-second processing capabilities of computers that can work virtually nonstop have made all of us feel rushed. We have adopted the relentless pace of the very machines that were supposed to simplify our lives, with the result that, whether at work or play, people do not feel like their lives have changed for the better.
Adapted from Karen Finucan, Life in the Fast Lane
Assignment: Do changes that make our lives easier not necessarily make them better?</p>

<p>MY ESSAY
"Whether we like it or not, change is everywhere, progressing at a constant pace like the tick-tock of time. While some changes are entirely favorable and others are downright unfortunate some changes are more ambiguous: it is very possible for changes that make our lives easier, but not better, to exist.</p>

<p>One such example is from history: the revolutionary atomic bomb. In the United States during the Cold War, rising political tensions with the Soviet Union threatened capitalism in the western hemisphere as communist ideas lingered in the eastern hemisphere post-WWII. The Soviet Union and the United States were keenly aware of each other's power and military prowess; they were therefore wary of provoking a war. Had the atomic bomb not been developed and demonstrated by the U.S. a few years earlier in Japan, the two countries would have been more inclined to unleash their fury on each other. Yet because both countries yielded immense power of destruction through their atomic weapons, a shaky but sure peace was able to endure. The technological change of this era in weaponry rendered peace easier to obtain, but by increasing the power to kill immense numbers of people, did not make life necessarily better.</p>

<p>While it is not nearly as influential as the atomic bomb, the calculator is another object that has simplified but not truly improved our lives. Graphing calculators are used commonly in high schools for many math classes, and require less analytical thinking and more computing. These nifty gadgets expedite many mathematical calculations, but often at the expense of true understanding. Many math teachers attribute the declining number of students who can perform basic calculations by hand to the growing allowance of the calculator in the school curriculum. My math teacher believes that "leaning on a calculator" causes an insurmountable number of problems later in her students' math careers, and she believes this so strongly it has become a mantra.</p>

<p>With any change, there is an invisible disclaimer that how we embrace it (or reject it) will result in a number of varying consequences. Change, too, does not come for free - it requires sacrifice in exchange for its services. The atomic bomb? Trade the power to kill for the potential for peace. The fancy supercalculators of today? One has to pay for ease of solving often by sacrificing his mathematical independency. Change is amorphous, for it may appear to make life easier and better, but may in reality only make it easier and not necessarily better. Looks are deceiving, and therefore, so is change."</p>

<p>Thanks so much!</p>

<p>I’d say 5/6 (10/12).</p>

<p>I give you a 9.</p>

<p>A 9 or 10. I’d say an 11 if you had 3 examples instead of 2. They say that you can write 4 paragraphs, but honestly it goes against you. Practice trying to get up to 5 paragraphs in under 25 minutes. Keep the length, but add another example. Other than that it was good, which is why I said a 9 or a 10.</p>

<p>I will refrain for giving this essay a score, in actuality, I did not read it in it’s entirety, I scanned it in 5 seconds and I see some major opportunities to improve your score. After reading several books and threads from SAT tutors and people who have scored very well on the essay, this is my advice.</p>

<p>5 paragraph build
Use transitions to start every paragraph
Use full names
Use dates
Use at least one semi-colon (make sure you use it properly)
Use a few quotations
Use a few SAT type words (but make sure they are in proper context)
By all means fill up (2) complete pages and make sure you stay on point and argue strongly to state your side. Remember the essay graders usually teachers, are given some type of grading rubric, and they only have a minute or so on your essay. Therefore, after the initial scan the best you can do no matter how well written it is maybe a “9 or 10”, do not give the grader a chance to put limits on your work before they read it.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>I’d give you a 5/6 as well. It’s very well written.</p>

<p>That means I’m improving! Thanks. Any other tips?</p>

<p>Sorry if I’m hijacking this thread, but I was wondering if someone could look at my essay, too. I wrote this the normal 25 minutes because I wanted to see what what pace I should use.</p>

<p>Anyway, the prompt said something like this: Some think that it is better to be underrated than overrated. Do you agree or disagree?</p>

<p>My essay:
Since human judgement is never completely accurate, miscalculations often happen. These miscalculations can lead to overestimation or underestimation. Though both are products of faulty reasoning by the observer, it is more beneficial to be overestimated.</p>

<p>A clear example of this comes from a Biblical hero named Gideon. Gideon was not a traditional military man, but he was told a good strategy. According to this, he should take a few men to the edge of the enemy’s area. Cloaked by night’s darkness, he and these men would make thunderous noise by breaking pots, playing loud instruments, and yelling. Based on all of this noise, the enemy would overestimate the size of Gideon’s army. It was a risky venture, but Gideon arried out the plan, and it worked. The enemies heard the noise and thought that Gideon had many more men than he actually had. In their frightened minds, that handful of noisy men seemed to be a massive army of thousands. The enemies retreated because they did not want to face this army. In this case, an army’s overestimation led to a quick military victory.</p>

<p>Overestimation can also be helpful to job applicants. When applying for a job, one wants to appear as qualified and desirable for the job as possible. As a result, a job applicant’s chances would be too low if prospective employers always underestimated the applicant. It would be better for both the applicant and the boss if the applicant is slightly overestimated, giving the applicant a chance to work for the company.</p>

<p>Francisco, a character in the novel Atlas Shrugged, serves as another example of the benefits of being overrated by other people. Francisco was traditionally a good businessman, so others followed him blindly in hopes of making a quick buck from Francisco’s hard work. Francisco grew tired of this, and he decided to get back at them. He planned a business venture that he knew would fail. Since people overestimated his prowess as a businessman, they eagerly bought shares in the venture. When the business venture eventually failed, Francisco had his revenge. If the people had not overestimated him like that, his revenge would not have been possible, so their inflated view of him was good for him.</p>

<p>In summation, it is often a good thing when someone is overestimated by someone else. Specifically, it helped Gideon and his small army to defeat a mighty army by frightening them into thinking that they were stronger and bigger. In addition, overestimation also helps job applicants to get positions that they are applying for. Francisco also benefited from others’ overestimation because it allowed him to get his revenge. In general, overestimation can be a good thing if one knows how to deal with it.</p>

<p>Bump. Any help would be much appreciated.</p>

<p>I cant really grade it as of such, because the grade you get is also a little dependant on chance, i got a 12/12 in the SAT when i dint think my essay was that great.</p>

<p>But I will say that I like your style of writing/language you use
But Dislike your format, I would strongly recommend using 3 examples, and if possible, include 1 real life - current example (your calculator one fits this criteria)</p>

<p>Also, avoid making fallacious arguements like your last sentence, maybe I dint wuite understand you, but I dont see how looks and change are related. PM me, I wont be checking this thread again.</p>

<p>Any help for my essay?</p>

<p>@pinksoysauce. I’d give it a 9. I liked your examples, but you should use a greater variety. You can talk about how in a book you’ve read, a situation like this was presented, maybe in Brave New World. </p>

<p>and regarding getacar, getyourownthreadplease.</p>

<p>All rightie, then…</p>

<p>Thanks everyone, for your helpful comments!</p>

<p>I got a 12 essay when I used the same reasoning / general language and had 3 body paragraphs as when I got a 10, but only had 2 body paragraphs. It makes a big difference.</p>

<p>i really liked ur essay pinksoysauce … ur first is perfect… but ur 2nd is developed enough … so i would give u 10</p>

<p>getacar … ur essay is mostly nice … ur 1st example is ur best … ur 2nd is too underdeveloped … ur 3rd is ok …overall …i think ur essay takes a 9</p>

<p>ooh … just noticed this thread is 4 years old …lol … my bad </p>