<p>Hi everyone, I'm not a parent but I thought I would post and ask advice from parents. I probably should have asked before now since there's only a few days left to make my decision--</p>
<p>I really feel helpless right now about college. Last year, my parents and I visited a campus in Arkansas, a few hours from where I live. It's not that it was a bad college, but I knew that it wasn't for me and I didn't feel any connection to it. I also was planning to go relatively far away. My mom liked the fact that it was only a few hours away, and my dad liked how cheap it was and how it offered classes and even a major in what I'm intrested in (creative writing). </p>
<p>Then, they applied me to the school and housing without asking. I'm not saying its ridocolous (don't get me wrong) but I wish they would have asked my permission or something, because I hadn't shown any interest in the college. The other schools I wanted to go to wound up being too expensive and I had to give up on it a few weeks ago. But, a few weeks ago I was able to find a college far away that is a lot cheaper. I'm afraid it's too late though because my parents are telling me that I'm going there already</p>
<p>Is it wrong to feel kind of betrayed? I figured at first it was my parents being overprotective by signing me up for orientation and everything, but I feel like I had no real choice in choosing it. I see a lot of people on here say I should follow my instincts and not any one elses, and I don't know if I really ever had a choice. I feel trapt right now and I know they'll be upset if I try to tell them I don't want to go to the college at this point</p>
<p>Are you wrong to feel betrayed? I’d say no. Your parents shouldn’t be applying to college on your behalf without telling you. The student is supposed to complete the application, not the parent. I’m sure the school admitted you believing that it was you that filled out the application. You’re right that you had no real choice in choosing it.</p>
<p>I’d say if your parents went so far as to apply to college for you, there are really big control issues here. No wonder you feel trapped.</p>
<p>BUT… if you are counting on your parents to pay for college, then the Golden Rule kicks in: “He who holds the gold makes the rules.” If they are only willing to pay for this college, you may have to go there and try to make the best of it. After all they do have your chosen major.</p>
<p>Have you had a telephone conversation with the college that is far away and less expensive? What did they say about late admission? If there is still time to apply, maybe you can layout a grid for your parents comparing all aspects of both schools. Keep in mind that if you accept your parents choice by May 1 and mail in your deposit, you most likely will not get that money back. </p>
<p>Can you share with us the name of the “far away” school?</p>
<p>Wow. Most of the time I am posting here and telling teens to mellow out and to be polite and mature and respectful. This time, however, I think you have room for some outrage. What do you mean you filled out an application?
You SIGNED MY NAME??? Isn’t that FORGERY???
YOU PICKED A DORM FOR ME??? DID YOU PLAN TO PICK MY ROOMMATE TOO?</p>
<p>Thanks, but no thanks parents. I’ll keep my integrety over being your little puppet. I love you but this is crazy. You may NOT apply anywhere, ever, for me without consulting me. Do not do this EVER again. </p>
<p>Now, lets talk about my options. I can join the military or coast guard. I can work locally. I can attend a local community college. Or, there is one college that I would consider. Of these options, is there one you will support financially? If not, then please leave me alone while I figure out what I want to do. </p>
<p>Do not, ever, ever, ever, live my life for me. That is not love. It is control. I am angry and disappointed and hurt. I would not do this to you and I am stunned that you are doing this to me. I don’t want to disappoint you but you have no idea of the sense of betrayal I am feeling here. </p>
<p>I want to be a good son – but I cannot live life as your doormat. </p>
<p>How’s that? Capture the feeling? Sweetie, I send you a hug. Your family may be getting ready to do a little emotional blackmail – of the “if you don’t do what I say, then we won’t pay”. The answer to that has got to be “OK. It is your money. I am sorry you feel that way but you can’t live my life for me. I have to find something that fits me.” </p>
<p>Very scary to do this – you may be working at the Burger Barn this fall instead of attending college. But your sanity may be worth a rough patch of road.</p>
<p>Olymom, you channel a teenager very well. There are obviously some family issues here, and I agree that the OP has to take a stand.</p>
<p>However, the OP’s parents did do this out of a sense of providing a realistic prospect. They aren’t tuned into the finer details of college selection, but they did find something that was affordable, which was probably their primary goal. I’m not so sure that the OP has such a great alternative available in his “far away college.”</p>
<p>Did you only apply to one college? That is far away and now you realize too expensive? Did you apply to any other colleges (other than the one college your parents applied to)? You need to think about your choices at this point. It sounds to me like your parents realized that you only applied to an unaffordable school and sought to give you a “Safety”. I am not excusing them, because they did act dishonestly, but you need to get past your hurt feelings and logically look at the choices you have right now.</p>
<p>Read Olymom’s post a few times, out loud (very loud!) alone. Then calm down and say all the same things w/o the temper tantrum for practice. Finally, talk to your parents with all those points. Yes, they’ll be upset, but they’ll get over it and so will you, particularly if you approach them well, including with Kajon’s chart of the attributes of both colleges including finances, major, and other important bits. </p>
<p>She’s absolutely right, of course, but going to the college they like would almost certainly be better than working at Burger Barn.</p>
<p>I’d like to believe they had their reasons. Although we didn’t apply for our son to a state school, we did tell him he had to have a backup to the other schools because we aren’t made of money and the state school was free (we live in Florida so there’s bright futures). He said he hated it there, but after discussing it understood why we thought he should apply. In the end, we were able to work out the budget and send him to the school of his choice, but this was not for sure so he was understanding of why we essentially made him apply to the other schools.</p>
<p>I think what they did was ill-advised, but i’m not sure what the rest of the story was. I have some nephews who didn’t turn in applications to schools, their parents didn’t do anything and they got into NO colleges… So, not sure the situation you had and whether you were working hard to apply to schools. It wasn’t clear to me whether this was the only school that ended up getting an application from you (or on your behalf)</p>
<p>At the end of the day you’ll need a way to pay for school, if you can figure out how to do that with the other school AND its a good school, thats fine. But i guess I would ask, Are you sure that maybe your parents aren’t trying to help send you to a school that is better for less money? What matters here is your future, not your ego.</p>
<p>Keep your eye on the prize… the prize is a good education.</p>
<p>thanks so much for the help everyone! sorry it took me so long to reply–I talked to my parents about it after reading all your advice and worked it out. I talked to them for a long time about it and they basically said it was my choice and they will only advice me about it finacially. I expressed how I felt like the situation was getting out of had and that I want to be the one who has the final decision. thanks so much everyone i wouldn’t have been able to do it without your support i dont think i’ll keep you updated if anything comes up. Thanks so much again!!!</p>
<p>Congrats! You are moving on to the next phase (which is a long transition) where you are an adult and your parents are adults and you can all love one another without being Tweedledee and Tweedledum on every topic in the universe. </p>
<p>No matter where you attend college, you are in a better place with your folks. That makes for a good week.</p>
i’ll keep you updated if anything comes up. Thanks so much again!!!</p>