Can't get any alone time with girlfriend

College Life
1

<p>Alright, I'll cut to the chase. I'm very busy this semester, especially with schoolwork. I'm on academic probation (I have to maintain above a 3.0 for both scholarships and to maintain my status in the B school...I have a 3.01), and I kinda don't want to deal with any ********. That's why I had to drop out of pledging. I, flat out, couldn't find the time to do both, without half-assing my schoolwork or fraternity activities. Anyway, like I said, I know why I'm here, and school does come first, so here's where things get a little upsetting. My roommate has a friend who he brought over quite often (as well as other people), so of course I got to know them pretty well. Eventually, one thing led to another, and his friend and I started fooling around a bit, for a month, before it was declared official. Now this is great and everything, I have a nice, cute girlfriend...except that I am finding that I am getting NO alone time with her. My roommate is always, ALWAYS hanging out with her (it's my girlfriend, my roommate, and his girlfriend). For instance, she told me she was spending the night at our place, and already made plans with him about it. WHAT?! If you're going to spend the night here, wouldn't it be with your boyfriend (this is a little selfish, yes). So, I waited around till about 10:30 last night....with no sign of them. </p>

<p>Soooo I got fed up with it, and went out last night. I came back around 2 AM to her sleeping on the couch, and spend two hours just hanging out with her, which was extremely fun! I found out that her, my roommate, and his girlfriend all went out to dinner with my roommate's parents.......which is fine, I suppose, I'm not exactly close with my roommate... But that's the ONLY alone time I am going to get with her this weekend. Tonight, the three of them are coming here to make dinner, and then she's leaving. I'm 19...making dinner would be great and all, but I just want to be alone with her. I've told HER about it, and she told me she would talk to HIM about it, but nothing has changed. This is really getting on my nerves because I really like the girl, but quite honestly, I need to lookout for myself...any ideas how to fix this or am I just screwed? She lives in a different city and commutes every morning, so her place is not an option.</p>

<p>It's ridiculous that the only alone time I can get is at 2 AM</p>

2

<p>Id talk to the room mate to you know… I don’t know how guys are “help a bro out” lol
Even if you aren’t close you can be like listen man… I know you guys are friends but a little alone time here and there would be much appreciated. If she isn’t much for confrontation or doesn’t want to hurt his feelings maybe what you need to do is drop some hints. Definitely a tough situation to be in… I can almost relate… I’m 19 and I feel sometimes my boyfriend spends too much time talking to a friend of his whos a girl (and who i think likes him)… through texts… Ims etc… all the time and it’s like Can’t we just have a little alone time with nobody else… no phones… nadda… blahh fdyugsdauyftdsdtfd. I hear ya…</p>

3

<p>You need a girlfriend because? Anything that you guys were doing before can be had without attachments, and frankly you save yourself a lot of time and drama thinking about it. If you know that your time with her is going to be at 2am, even better you can plan your life and do your thing and then meet her at 2am. </p>

<p>Frankly it kind of seems like you’re either jealous. Remember that your gf was friends with your roommate first. Your roommate is most likely going to be sticking around longer than you in her life. If she was really interested in spending time with you, she’d do it. She wouldn’t opt for her friends over her boyfriend(if she values whatever comes with the benefits of being in a relationship with you more than her friends). If she doesn’t value you more than, why have the label or the official thing. JUST FOOL AROUND!</p>

4

<p>FuturePRrep- I can’t talk to him directly about this, because quite honestly, I can’t just barge into her life and take over…that’s why I’m ****ed about this whole thing.</p>

<p>liek0806-No duh I’m jealous. My roommate gets to see my girlfriend more than I do. I don’t see her at all throughout the week, and then on the weekends, if I make time for her, which I LOVE to do, it gets dampened by his presence. So what the hell are you even saying? Just tell her OH let’s take it down a level to friends with benefits. You’re right, she’s putting her friends before me, and that’s fine, but the reason that I’m really upset is because I am putting her before my friends because I like her. You’d think if she felt the same way then maybe she would do the same. OH WELL. Guess she doesnt. She also has trouble trusting people granted her rough past…so it’s no surprise. I just would like to be more a part of her life.</p>

5

<p>If you guy are on different pages maybe talk to her about it. Be sure to not beat around the bush and say that it is really bothering you and try for compromise. If she likes you than she will be willing to work with you. It’s admirable that she still keeps her friends close because sadly a lot of girls will ditch friends at the drop of a hat for a guy but maybe she just honestly doesn’t see how bothered you are by her not making adequate time for you?</p>

6

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<p>I believe he has every right to be jealous and I’d feel the same way if I were him. If I’m in a relationship with someone, there’s no reason why I should have to accommodate my schedule to make sure I can get in some time when you’re not hanging out with my roommate. This guy shouldn’t have to wait for “relationship time” after she gets finished hanging out with his roommate and his girl (wouldn’t she be the third wheel in this situation anyway?). It’s cool that they’re friends, but it’s obvious that she’s not willing to compromise and make time for both, even though it’s obvious that the bf should be the higher priority.</p>

<p>I think that you’re right about the friends with benefits thing though. She doesn’t seem to be too serious about the relationship if she’s oblivious to the fact that she’s devoting more time to the other guy.</p>

<p>Why does your roommate want her tagging along while he’s with his girl anyway? If it’s strictly platonic, than that’s equivalent to him having one of his guy friend’s always being around while he and his girl are hanging out. Seems strange that he welcomes her as a third wheel.</p>

7

<p>I second the motion that he has a right to be jealous. She’s HIS girlfriend and he’s HER boyfriend… the whole damn point of a relationship is to spend quality time with a person you care about. No offense pal but she sounds like she doesn’t give a damn about you or the relationship if she spends her free time with people who aren’t her boyfriend.</p>

<p>DTB.</p>

8

<p>Tell her you want to spend more time with her one on one and see what she says. Don’t be all accusing, like “YOU HANG OUT WITH MY ROOMMATE MORE THAN ME, IT’S NOT FAIR! YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU OWE IT TO ME!” because that will make you sound like a third grader. Make it a positive thing. Like “Hey, this might be dorky, but can we set aside one night a week for a date, just you and me? It’s cool hanging out with you and my roommate, but I’d like a chance to hang out one on one. Maybe tomorrow night we could [activity suggestion here.]”</p>

<p>You can also ask your roommate if he could clear out for a couple hours once in a while so you and your GF can hang out together alone.</p>

<p>She might be hanging out with you and your roomie because it’s convenient, but be open to or even excited about doing stuff just with you. On the other hand, if she isn’t enthused about hanging out with you by yourself, maybe she’s just not interested in a serious relationship. If that’s the case, at least you can find out so you can let her go and look for someone else.</p>

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<p>I just noticed this part. Talk to her again and this time add, “I feel hurt because I feel like you don’t care about hanging out with me.” (Start with “I feel” instead of something accusatory like “You don’t care about me” or “You don’t spend enough time with me”, because most people get defensive and stop listening when they’re accused of something, even if it’s true.)</p>

9

<p>Dude, she’s just not that into you. Actions speak louder than words.</p>