<p>Clearly because I’m so amazingly stupid. You can stop reading now if you want, if it’s really that annoying to you. Unless you find it somehow gratifying to post here. (And before you say it, no, I don’t find this gratifying at all. I feel miserable.)</p>
<p>AGHHHH. This isn’t what I’m trying to say at all. Now I feel bad because I’m the one being inarticulate here.</p>
<p>It’s not that I feel like whatever “not good school” I go to won’t be “good enough” for me. I feel angry at myself for not being good enough for good schools. I don’t WANT to accept that and move on. I want to make myself better. Every response here has just been “get over it”, or “settle”… which isn’t what I was driving at at all in my original post…</p>
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<p>You still are not getting it. I have felt like you do at some points in my life. Nothing anyone has said, is saying, or will say will be able to help you get over this. YOU will have to do it yourself. So stop thinking about it and MOVE ON. That is the only thing you CAN do.</p>
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<p>Then start doing community service more often (regardless of how often you’re doing it now). That is a guaranteed way to better yourself.</p>
<p>You can’t make yourself better retroactively. If you want to make yourself better in the future, the best and easiest way to start doing that is to accept what happened and move on.</p>
<p>Discovering CC is really a humbling experience- the more posts you read, the more you realize that there are MANY extremely talented people on here. And there are even more who are/were your competition for college. Reality is this: millions of high school seniors around the world apply to top US colleges each year, and very many of them have better grades. They have better test scores. They have better ECs. They won better awards. They had better recommendations. On paper, they were objectively “better” than you. And by “you” I don’t mean you, SkeletalLamping, personally. With over 6 billion people in the world, there are always people who are “better” than you in terms of grades, talents, etc. And there are a lot of people, probably most people, who are not. I’m not trying to tell you to “settle”- but I do have to say that your reasoning is flawed. I wouldn’t call people who weren’t accepted into the very top tier “average.” Remember, the average SAT score for COLLEGE BOUND students is about 500 per section. The reality of college admission is that you’re not competing with the people at your high school, where you may be well above average. There are just a lot of well above average people out there. At some point, who gets in can be arbitrary, because there are just so many people as qualified as you. This isn’t an “excuse”- it’s just a fact. The odds are good that even if you’re “good enough” for the Ivy League you may not be admitted to any Ivies because the majority of people who apply are admissible.</p>
<p>I would assume that you did get into some very good schools, not your top picks, but places that most people would be thrilled to have a spot in. Choose one, work your hardest while there, and aim for the grad school and/or career you want. Stand out in the classroom, make connections with professors, etc. That’s how you make yourself “better” for the next time you have to apply to schools. Good luck with your decision, and I’m sure you’ll have a great college experience wherever you decide!</p>
<p>I will respectfully disagree with some of the other posters who advise against a gap year. Everyone is different, but for you, a gap year may be the right answer. Not because you may have a better chance at admission next year; rather, a gap year may teach you some of the things others are conveying. In particular, you may learn that there’s nothing wrong with you.</p>
<p>I don’t know why people on CC and others looking at elite colleges have begun to believe that college admissions are a measure of your worth as a person, akin to being admitted to heaven or something. College admissions are looking at your APPLICATION and your RECORD. While in some cases amazing character traits influence decisions, primarily its not about whether you are a good or worthy person. If your numbers are really high, it may be that you messed up something in your essay, or that your activities weren’t what the schools were looking for, or that one of your references didn’t know how to write recommendations.</p>
<p>Really high-achieving talented people (the type usually, but not always, admitted to these schools) will do fine wherever they go. Rejection sucks, but in the long run, its just not all that meaningful. I think your crisis seems to be a lot more about your doubts about yourself than what any school has to say about you. I’d work on that, because that’s the only thing you can change at this point. Good luck. I think you’ll be okay after the sting wears off.</p>
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<p>Better? How would getting into a top shool make you better? What you are doing equating “good school” with “good person” or “good school” with “smart person.” What people are trying to tell you is not that you have to settle, but that your equation is just plain wrong. </p>
<p>If you strengthen your stats and apply next year and get into a top school, you won’t be one whit smarter. You’ll still be the same smart/dumb, good/bad person that you are now. You’ve got to stop equating your worth or competence with the prestige of your college.</p>
<p>OP, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that I can sympathize with how you feel. I didn’t apply to Ivies or top 20s, but in the same realm of college admissions, myself and basically all college applicants battle with feelings of “what ifs”, did I deserve this?, do I deserve anything?.. I’m not sure there’s a concise way to explain it. I probably don’t have the answer you’re looking for, but I just wanted to say I can understand where you’re coming from. I’d also like to say you’ve received some really good advice here.</p>
<p>Beware that you seem to be brushing aside facts as excuses. There were indeed many more applicants. Not all of the Ivies truly fill themselves with the Best and Brightest. You know that already. Take a breather from College, and then come back to this. Rationalization is okay sometimes. It’s our mind’s self-defense when things are out of line. It isn’t plausible to have answers and reasons to everything right now (or ever). Again, you know these things.</p>
<p>“If one doesn’t get into ANY of the top-tier schools they applied to, doesn’t it follow logically that that person is a pretty average individual?”
Nope. 
Maybe if you had applied to every single top-tier and been rejected you could start to pull evidence that you didn’t have some quality they collectively desire, but “averageness” is based on so much more. I can hardly see how one can quantify it. And I, too, desire to not be grouped with The Average. (Are there really average people? Or isn’t it just how we define the other people we don’t know as well? Are those with higher grades and thus more acceptances more “intelligent” or just harder workers? etc…) I’d say posting on CC to begin with removes you from any academically-average list even if you had average scores and grades.</p>
<p>But if your goal is to prove your non-averageness to yourself, I guess fight for it or… like mentioned, move on. Honestly I don’t see any other options besides those two. Use more time for this unquantifiable desire, or go buy your non-Ivy-college-choice’s shirt and wear it proudly. Honors colleges, graduating with honors, boasting about that awesome program, actually getting into college… be proud even if you think you could/should/shouldn’t have done better.</p>
<p>No idea if any of that will help, but in the end, I think only you can help yourself in this situation. You can call the shots for the other 80% of your life as you strive for unaverageness. :)</p>
<p>I don’t think that just because you didn’t get into the “top schools” it means you’re not the “best and brightest”. It just means that maybe your application wasn’t one of the favorites of the admissions committee or whatever. Or maybe you were up there and who knows what made one person select others over you, it could have been a total gamble. But do they really know you as a person? Someone could be super involved and bright and all and write horrible essays and not get into maybe the best college. And there are plenty of our nation’s most influential people who were rejected by the “top colleges” (e.g. Warren Buffet), but they actually turned out to do so much more than many graduates from said colleges!
I think if you work hard and you feel like you’re doing your best, and you’re happy with what you have, then you ARE a success. You don’t need to be saving lives or making millions to be a great person. Who’s to say what’s average. Not exactly college admissions. And I also know what it feels like to see so many of your friends get rejected from the same schools and you think “***. How?! They’re so smart/funny/active” etc. etc. etc. So I definitely think sometimes college acceptances aren’t really the telling of one’s character.
And hey, if it makes you feel better, think of where you got accepted and the many (most likely) thousands that DIDN’T make the cut. That puts you somewhere, maybe not “top tier” but a tier off which to work and elevate yourself I suppose. Not saying there’s something wrong with all those others, the point is that you had something right. :)</p>
<p>Just curious, TC, what school did you get in to? It’s probably not as bad as what you’re making it out to be.</p>
<p>the selection process depends on what the schools are looking for, and not just who / what YOU are as a person. I know of alot of kids whose credentials are absolutely mind-blowing who still got rejected at the Ivies and some a tier below. But, they had a whole slew of applicants who had similar credentials, but perhaps also came from a niche that was underrepresented, whether it is geographical, ethnic, whatever.</p>
<p>Averageness, intelligence, beauty, smartness. Most characteristics are subjective, and are not solely determined by how high your GPA is (although, as a matter of fact, I even have no idea what a GPA is), whether you get super SAT scores, and also, whether you are accepted or declined by Ivy Leagues. I was declined by two US private schools which I spent 6 months preparing for their applications, feeling anxious, hopeful, scared, worried about the decisions. Of course, I cried. I felt worthless, stupid. But only for 30 minutes. Later on, I realized that,‘hey, I’m not ****ing stupid. I’m not worthless. My IQ is above 150, I have parents and friends who care, and I’m goddamn sure that my future is not decided by admission letters.’ And if a 16 year old like me can do it, why can’t you?
You are not trying to be better, you are just scrutinizing on your past. If you really want to be better, and feel above the ‘average’, introspect yourself, review your positives and negatives, and do community works, just so you realize how fortunate you are.</p>
<p>Well, I think I’ve come to terms that there are tons of people who are smarter, more talented, and just deserve to get into those schools more than I do. That’s how I feel anyway.</p>
<p>Beautifulnights, when it comes to beauty, intelligence, athleticism, etc., we are born unequal and those who win those genetic lotteries are going to shine. That’s just how it is. But when it comes to being a good person, someone who is genuinely kind and thoughtful, each of us have an equal opportunity to shine. That’s why being a good person is so much more important than attending an Ivy or being a stud athlete or being beautiful.</p>
<p>“Well, I think I’ve come to terms that there are tons of people who are smarter, more talented, and just deserve to get into those schools more than I do. That’s how I feel anyway.”</p>
<p>Funny, this is something you have to come to terms with even if you get in! The Ivy League can be a humbling place. Any of these schools will be filled with people who are smarter, more talented, and generally more deserving than you. At the top schools, almost everyone spends some time thinking “I was the admissions mistake.”</p>
<p>Crap…my post didn’t go through. Oh, well, here we go again:</p>
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<p>That’s not at all how the process works. Highly selective colleges have the luxury of crafting a diverse, well-rounded class from their crush of applicants–much in the same way as writers carve poems from pages upon pages of freewriting, or a sculptor creates a figure from a mass of clay. It isn’t a linear process; adcoms don’t line up applications on the floor from best to worst and pick the top X number. I don’t know if the poetry analogy works for you, but when I write poetry, I don’t go through my freewrites and glean only the best lines or the most beautiful images and piece them together. I look for the elements that are bound thematically, that when bound together create a whole greater than the sum of its parts. Each part must work in tandem with each other part.</p>
<p>Creating a freshman class at top schools is much the same. Not only does each college have unique institutional needs–brass players for the band, a balanced male/female population–but they need a class that can function as a whole on a less tangible level. That is a need no one applicant can anticipate. You cannot possibly be expected to gauge how many trombone players or rugby team captains or Frenchs (or, less tangibly, how many people with world views approximately like yours) will be applying in a given year. So you apply to a wide swath of schools, put your most intelligent and honest effort into the application process, and cross your fingers. It’s not a magical, crapshoot process, but it’s not one you can anticipate from the outside either.</p>
<p>At this point, it’s worth mentioning that you’re the same worthy kid you were before this whole process started. Your accomplishments and worth are not compromised just because you were one of 90%+ applicants denied at top schools. So move forward, and continue to pursue your goals at the schools that did want and need you in their freshman class.</p>
<p>Well said Baelor, well said.</p>
<p>[Existential</a> crisis - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“Existential crisis - Wikipedia”>Existential crisis - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>It’s silly to think that the Ivies have a lock on all of the country or world’s brilliant people. I’m a Harvard grad, and I know people who attend community college who are smarter than me. I’ve met high school drop-outs who are smarter, too. There are plenty of very smart people in the world, and most have no affiliation with Ivies.</p>