I know these messages come up in here a lot, but I really need some advice on what I should do regarding transferring schools. I’ve been going to my current college for about three semesters now (I’m just about to finish my fall semester of sophomore year) and I have been able to make practically no real friends. I don’t go out on weekends because despite wanting to, I either have no one to go with or don’t have the energy or motivation to make the effort to go out that night. I haven’t been able to connect with anyone in or out of my classes, and I haven’t been able to connect with people on campus in general. Essentially, my social life at college is nonexistent, a far cry from what I previously had in high school. I first kept up hope during my freshman year that things would eventually start to work out and that meeting the right people takes time, but after realizing that I had a fairweather friend roommate and a cliquey floor, my hopes began to dwindle. Finally, after rushing the fraternities at my college twice, first during my freshman year spring semester and again at the beginning of the semester that I’m currently in, I was never bidded to any of the fraternities I was interested in (for whatever reasons they had). I soon began to hate it at my current college, hate my life as a result, and lost all motivation to do anything or appreciate my school, and essentially lost my will to live. I stopped working out, which I had done the entire past year before, in early September. My schoolwork greatly suffered, as I no longer had the motivation or drive to get out of bed in the morning to go to classes or even to study before the night of a big exam. I stopped trying to get involved in extracurriculars, as I didn’t have enough energy to commit that much time. I stopped eating as much, started eating ■■■■■■■■ foods, drank less water, spent more money on my vices, used more nicotine and pot, started going to sleep very late, waking up very late, and overall living a horrible and unhealthy lifestyle. Now it’s early December and nothing has changed, although I desperately need one. The situation I’m now faced with is, do I stay where I currently am another semester and try to make something work, or do I transfer over break to a rolling admission university and try somewhere new? My parents are willing to do whatever they can to help me (we’ve talked about this a lot lately) but the scholarship I have really helps financially since I’m planning on applying to med school and I need as little debt as possible, and because I am already leased into an apartment here that runs until August. I can’t put into words how badly I would feel about costing my parents so much money by leaving, but I can’t keep living this way and expect to get into med school or find any sort of happiness or belonging. Feeling really lost and stuck currently, so any advice would be really appreciated.
There are lots of red flags to me in your post from your language. Please go talk to your mental health center on campus ASAP. You have some warning signs for depression. Please, please go talk to a professional about what you are feeling!
As a parent, I wouldn’t like to lose eight months of rent. But I would do it willingly if my son were suffering the way it sounds like you are. There ARE more important things than money, and your mental health is certainly one of them.
Have you considered withdrawing and then taking off a semester? It would give you time to get healthy again (physically and mentally) and to consider what schools might be a good for September 2019.
Hang in there for the next two weeks. If you have any thought of harming yourself, call a helpline immediately (or see a school counselor if you can get in to see one). You can work on your long-term goals like med school later; the short-term goal right now is to finish out the semester and get home safely so you can start to get back on track.
Can you get into a counselor at school before you leave for break, or at home? Some of this points to depression…losing motivation, no energy, lack of interest, withdrawing from things you used to like.
Other than that, you’re snowballing a bit which is easy to do but makes everything worse…your current health choices are going to make you more tired and stressed. Can you start with one simple change maybe exercise (proven to lift mood and help mild depression)? Also, break is very close, and you can use this time with your parents for a reset.
As for school…do you just have the one roommate? What about making friends in your classes, or even just studying together for some social interaction? Have you tried any clubs or organizations? You’re aware of the other threads fro students in similar situations, there is also lots of advice in those.
Good luck and hang in there for now and I think it’s time to reach out for some professional/counseling help.
If your grades are suffering, you’re jeopardizing your ability to get into med school. For that reason alone, I’d suggest you transfer. I might have had you try to make this place work if you were earlier in your college years, but you’re a sophomore now - you tried, and it’s not working. It would be completely reasonable to transfer at this point.
With that said, I also suggest seeing a doctor to rule out any health issues, including depression, that may be impacting you. You want to do that whether you stay at this school or change schools.
An idea is to take next semester off, or to take classes at your local community college next term. Give yourself more time to research schools, so you can make sure the next one fits you. This would also mean you don’t only have to apply to rolling admissions schools. As part of your research into future schools, since leaving this school means you are leaving that scholarship behind, look at public schools in your home state, and include at least one of them in the list of schools you apply to transfer to.
Taking a term off or at a local cc would also give you a chance to get healthy again; get yourself back on track.
I don’t think the issue is the college. I think you should begin counseling right away. Switching colleges in your current state of mind is not going to make your problems disappear.
Great that your parents are understanding and supportive. Can you take next semester off, go home and work to save some $? Try to find a fun job. If you ski, go work at a resort, something like that. Or volunteer/work at a local hospital so you can get some medical experience - but hopefully something not stressful. Then figure out where to apply for next fall…maybe somewhere easier, or somewhere with more of a easygoing, regular culture and less focus on greek life.
Remember, this is just a blip. Many kids change colleges. You will get over this hump! Keep us posted.
Thanks for all of the kind and thoughtful posts on this thread, really appreciative of the advice that some people give. I’d like to give some sort of background info regarding counseling and my current mental state, so I can clear some concerns I’ve seen here. I’ve been going to a therapist since my sophomore year of high school and currently see one where I currently go to school. I initially saw a therapist concerning confidence issues and social anxiety, but my mental “issues” then are nothing compared to what I’m experiencing now. My current therapist is not affiliated with my school (I tried my school’s counseling center multiple times and was never satisfied for whatever reason), but works in the area as someone who specializes in helping adolescents improve their states of mind and whatnot. I enjoy speaking to this therapist, but only really as someone to vent to and talk to. As for my mental state, I have no thoughts of self-harm or suicide, as those are permanent and horrific responses to a hopefully temporary problem. I do, however, believe that I am suffering from some kind of depressive lapse, something that I have never experienced before until now. That being said, I truly appreciate all the advice given here; I’m aware that I can’t fix this problem all on my own and need the support of others, even if the support comes from strangers on an internet forum. Thanks again for all of the help.
I read about medical withdrawals on this website all the time. You should ask your parents to help you with this possibility. Take a leave of absence, get well, get off pot, figure out what to do next/where to go next with a better state of mind and body.
It seems like being lonely might be the root of the problem. Whether you stay, take time off or transfer, this issue will continue to be depressing if it can’t be addressed. Have you tried joining clubs? Or other organizations? The other root issue could be that if you are on meds, you might need to adjust your dose as sometimes they can wear off after awhile to where you’ve developed a resistance. Sorry it’s been so hard!
Ask for a medical withdrawal. Make sure you are withdrawn from everything (dining contract, etc) and take the Spring off - get a random job and try getting better. In the spring, transfer to colleges without Fraternities or where they aren’t important, perhaps apply also to a college that has a living learning community for transfers so that you start with a bunch of transfers such as yourself.
(It easier to start over in the Fall).