This is kinda just gonna be me venting about my life but I feel I should put it out there because I know some people must be going through something similar. My parents are really at odds lately, I don’t think they’ll get divorced but there is definitely a lot of tension in their relationship. And I am stuck listening to it every day.
I previously didn’t want to live away from home because I am a homebody. I’m an only child and my parents spoil me like there’s no tomorrow. It will definitely be a big jump to be on my own. But I now realize I am going to go nuts if I spend much longer in this house. We only have one car so I can’t go out that much without bugging my dad. All my friends are in colleges out of state so there’s not much I’d have to do anyways. Right now I’m in community college which I’ve enjoyed but there isn’t much to do on campus.
I just feel like when I go to a 4 year I’ll have this weight off my shoulders for the first time. I’ll actually be free to an extent. At the same time though I also worry that my parents relationship will only worsen with me not around. And I know there’s nothing I can do about it, I just have to live my life. It’s scary and exciting all at once. Sorry for rambling.
Vent. That is so necessary. Do not feel badly or guilty wanting to get away. That is perfectly normal. You are not responsible for your parents happiness nor their relationship. When you go to a four year enjoy your freedom and know your parents want you to be happy even if they are not happy with one another. BTW the time alone together may help them talk things out, focus on each other, and figure out issues, which will be good for them and you in the long run
I have a block mate who has the same situation as you, it is normal to vent if that will ease the pain or hatred the go-ahead. But remember at the end of the day you will still find your way home. Have fun in college but never forget the people who raise you. I am sure that your parents still want the best for you even if they are having a conflict in their relationship.
First off talk to your parents about why the fighting unless it’s obvious. Make sure it’s financially feasible that you can go away. One of the main reasons to go away was something you said about being “spoiled”. That to me is the reason to move away. Start to live without your parents just brings a maturity that is hard to duplicate
I would not talk to parents about why they are fighting. This is not the time to become part of their struggles. Rather it’s time that you take care of yourself.
At this stage, your obligation to your parents is to –
- Respect them (speak to them politely and kindly);
- Thank them for their support in college and for raising you, when appropriate;
- Text them back or pick up their call when they approach you in a polite, loving way;
- Send them news of your successes;
- Continue to take care of yourself so that you develop into a mature, capable, independent person.
You are not obligated to–
- Listen to their marriage woes;
- Go home for breaks unless you want to or have to;
- Give advice to them;
- Return their texts or calls when they are behaving badly or in any form that doesn’t respect you;
- Invite them to campus for family weekend.
You can give yourself as much space as you need to gain clarity.
I advise when arriving at college finding the counseling office in case you find you want to talk to someone. Knowing where it is doesn’t mean you have to use it, but it will make things easier for you in case you do.
I grew up in a volatile family and can 100% relate to wanting to get far from home. IMO, it’s a normal reaction to want to carve out some peace for yourself.
Your parents’ relationship is there own. If the marriage falls apart after you move out, it’s NOT your fault! If they try to pin that on you, they are wrong and don’t take that on.