<p>I realize there are no right answers here, and a kid from a low-income family automatically has to contribute more. (D1 dated a 0 efc boy in high school. Made me feel like she was hopeless spoiled at times. ) So, how do you all split the costs? Do you make them take out Staffords? Do you give them certain bills? Do you make them foot the bill themselves?I'm curious. We've always demanded skin in the game, but maybe not enough. Honestly, I worry about creating a sense of entitlement.</p>
<p>Here's what we do. No Staffords. D1 attended a school where her tuition was covered. Room, board, and fees are about 1/2 my FAFSA EFC, so it's affordable. Debated how much of a lesson student loans would be when payments are so far down the road. Also remember marrying dh and his student loan. Not so fun. She will likely have large grad school loans, anyway.</p>
<p>We pay: Room, board, academic fees, medical expenses, car ins, and cell plan (add a line to fam plan-she buys phone)
She pays: Books & supplies, fees associated with her ecs, gas, routine auto maintenance, clothes, personal items, food not included in the meal plan, entertainment. Basically, everything but the specific items listed that we pay.</p>
<p>She has a full time summer job, works on campus a few hours a week during the school year, and occasionally works off-campus. Next year, I imagine she'll work more off campus. Obviously, we don't provide her with an allowance.</p>
<p>We probably do things a bit differently. DD chose a full tuition scholarship instead of a more prestigious and far more expensive school. We feel as though she is paying her tuition, so we pay for everything else. Any additional money she earns through her job or NM scholarship is hers and she saves most of it. She also is not a big spender.</p>
<p>We pay for everything. Room, board, sorority fees, medical expenses, car ins, cell plan, books, etc… D1 has a job but spend on frivolous things like trips to Las Vegas, etc…We gave D1 our first warning this winter break; money will stop when she graduates in June/May.</p>
<p>D attended a school that met 100% of demonstrated need; after finaid, our CSS contrib was only $2-3K above our FAFSA EFC. D took out fed-subsidized loans ($19K total) and we paid for everything, except her spending money - - which she earned during the summer.</p>
<p>D graduated in May and is employed full-time, but she and DH still believe that paying for her cell phone (including text and data plans) and Netflix would constitute cruel/unusual punishment.</p>
<p>D has a work study job and a summer job, so not a big income. She has to pay for her school books, some of her food (she lives in a house and we give her a small food allowance; anything over that she has to pay for), entertainment, gas, clothing, personal and school supplies. She’s always been able to pinch a penny till it screams. </p>
<p>She’ll be doing a study abroad this spring, which is of course is going to be some extra expense. DH and I think this is an amazing opportunity, so we’re willing to pay for it. However, we also want D to be seriously invested, so we told her last summer she’d have to kick in $1000. She’s been saving steadily ever since, and has almost reached her goal.</p>
<p>We had the opposite experience but it has worked out well for us. </p>
<p>S decided to go for the expensive, prestigious school over full ride at 2nd tier. We wanted him to understand the implications of this and have asked him to pay more of his expenses than we would if he had taken the free ride. We tried to make it “his” expense; he is using all of an outside scholarship (that he could have used for grad school), he is using all of his 529plan from grandparents and from us (he could have used for grad school); we pay what we would for an instate public program in terms of tuition/housing/food. "his"money pays the remainder.</p>
<p>This year he is paying more than half his food expenses by working more and cooking for himself some meals. He also works and found another scholarship that covered the tuition increase and cost increases in housing. He lives very simply and pays for all his books, art supplies and some transportation. I paid for one air ticket home this holiday because I don’t like him or me driving through the mountains in late january. I have bought essential clothing–he owns one pair of shoes which I renew each year, some jeans and a warm coat/gloves. He gets money from grandparents at birthday/xmas that is very helpful for other expenses. Occassionally I send a $20 in a letter and tell him to use it for a dinner that is not from a food cart on the street. </p>
<p>The most important thing for him is to understand that when his four years at the school are over he will be out of money–no debts but no savings. Grad school, if it happens, will be on his dime. He clearly realizes this and we have seem an amazing increase in maturity and dedication to his school work. He is working on his resume to try to get good internships this summer. He is frugal and trying to prepare for leaving school in over 2 years. I think letting them make these very adult decisions and live the consequences is perhaps as important as getting them to take responsibility for portions of their budgets.</p>
<p>Very similar to your approach, ordinarylives. D1 does not have a car at school, but pays for her own gas while home (we have an extra car that only she drives when she is here). One small difference is that I pay her basic cell phone bill, but she pays the extra $15/month for texting beyond the basic plan. Also, our deal is that if they decide to take an unpaid internship in the summer where they can’t live at home, they have to pay for their own living and travel expenses related to that (so when D1 was in DC on a political internship last summer, she paid her own bills – I did chip in what I would have paid in groceries for her if she lived at home). The rest is very similar to your approach. D2 is a hs junior, will have the same rules.</p>
<p>One thing we did is insist that they work for money (somehow) the year before freshman year of college. D1 (and now D2) have had some fun and interesting summer programs we paid for. But I thought it was important for them to start getting some real work experience prior to going to college. D1 also has worked on campus for pay and every summer except the one with the internship.</p>
<p>I don’t think either of them is spoiled by this approach. D1 has quite a bit of money in the bank in spite of no earnings last summer (she has saved her earnings diligently and is frugal at school). She is well positioned to get an apartment and furnish it (from Ikea ) once she lands a full time job. I think both are appreciative of the help I have given them. I am a single mom, and they are aware of the sacrifices it has taken to get them to this point.</p>
<p>Oldest had workstudy- she paid for personal expenses & books. Didn’t need a car as her city had good public transportation.
She paid for grad school.</p>
<p>Youngest doesn’t have work-study, hasn’t been able to find a job & doesn’t have a car- we give her a very small allowance but pay for her room & board, plus tuition & books.</p>
<p>Contemplating helping her with a car, so she has more flexibility in finding a job. Her small city has inconvenient public transportation. She does have a bike but that is very weather dependent. Plus it makes me worry since I know so many people who have been in major biking accidents.</p>
<p>( also worked summers during high school , volunteered during the year in high school & worked two jobs to earn money for her gap year- so her work ethic is good. Has Stafford loans. Works summers in college.)</p>
<p>My D pays for her own activities at school, her clothing and for any food that she buys off the meal plan (primarily organic peanut butter at the food co-op in town). I pay for her cell phone which is on our plan.</p>
<p>We pay for the uncovered portions of her tuition and fees (about $3800/20K this year after RA subsidy, merit and academic scholarships, private scholarship and $500 for the year in FA). Since she has been so good about applying for and earning scholarships, we let her keep her earnings. Otherwise, I would require her to pay $2K towards her education each year as all my friends who have kids in expensive private schools do. She is at a state school. I also pay for her books and her visits home, though she has been great about arranging rides for herself.</p>
<p>Her merit scholarship requires on campus residence all 4 years so she decided to become an RA as she realized she could never live off campus and keep that money.</p>
<p>When she student teaches, we will help her out with buying a car and with the insurance. She will pay for gas, etc.</p>
<p>Us, too, but a little sooner. If they wanted to drive at 16, better have gas money, so both girls got jobs at 15. Was a bit of a pain as it meant I had to haul them to/from until they got their licenses, but well worth the effort. Full time summer work was a bit of a challenge sometimes. On summer, d1 pieced together full time work with 3 part-time jobs. D2 may never be able to do so as she plays softball, a summer sport for high schoolers in our state. It’s also a time suck.</p>
<p>Just wanted to join this thread to hear more. My son is currently a senior in HS. Last summer he worked and spent all his own money for all his expenses eg gas, eating out and clothes. During the school year, we pay for his expenses as we want school to be his main focus. He will need to work the summer between HS and college again but I had figured in college I would do the same as in HS. Interesting to hear how folks divide up things.</p>
<p>We pay tuition, books and housing expenses at a state flagship for junior D. We also pay for the cell phone (family plan) and incidentals (everyday expenses like prescriptions, groceries, etc). We expect her to pay for extras- entertainment, travel, etc. Each year we decrease the “allowance” and try to help her become more self-sufficient. Problem is we live in an affluent area where many of her hs friends have never had a paid job, go on several vacations a year, and eat out 2-3 times a day and see movies every night during the breaks (at least $30 a night). I refuse to subsidize that type of lifestyle. At her public university (the most economically diverse in the country) she has met students who have to work, take out loans, and live frugally, and she is beginning to admire them more and appreciate what we do for her.
We have been able to pay a lot of her educational expenses out-of-pocket, saving the 529b and EE bonds for grad school. She is starting to see how lucky she is, as she has new friends whose parents can’t pay all their expenses, so they have to take out loans. She had a part-time on-campus job last year that she had to leave when she went to Spain on study abroad. Now that she’s back, she’s interviewing for internships and a new job. I’m just glad she has recognized how lucky she is. She knows some rich kids who will never have to fend for themselves, whose parents foot the total bill for everything imaginable, yet are depressed and bored.
I feel our role as parents is to prepare our kids to live as independent adults. With this economy this won’t be so easy, so I imagine having to help her out for quite a while. Hopefully 2012 is going to be better!</p>
<p>We pay for the uncovered portion of DS COA. We pay his cell phone (on our plan,) car ins (he doesn’t have one but is still covered as an occasional driver.)He pays for his books, clothes and entertainment, gas when he’s home. He’s had a summer job for two years and works there when he comes home on breaks.</p>
<p>We pay for everything except spending money. Son had a great paid internship this summer, lived at home, lived frugally, and was able to bank over $5,000. He realizes and appreciates what a gift it will be to graduate debt free. Also realizes that this will happen because his parents, like their parents before them, valued education for their children over unnecessary luxury items. We hope that he repeats the cycle with his own children some day.</p>
<p>My wife and I are paying for tuition, fees, room and board for D1, who is a senior in college. We also pay for her cell phone (as part of our family plan) and car insurance (for a family car she shares with her younger sister when she is home). She has been responsible for paying for books, personal expenses, clothes, dining out, etc. She is not eligible for work-study, but she has chosen to earn extra spending money by working as a tour guide, usher and as a teaching assistant at her college. We also expect her to work over the summer break, and she has been fortunate to have a job each summer for the past 4 years. Once she graduates in May and heads off to grad school she’ll be on her own, although we’ll do what needs to be done to get her established. She hopes to go to grad school in a city with decent mass transit so a car may not be required for several more years, which would suit her just fine. If she does end up needing a car, we’ll probably help with the down payment but she’s on her own for monthly payments. She’ll graduate with about $22,000 in savings so she shouldn’t have any problems with that.</p>
<p>When D2 heads off to college in August we’ll probably stick to the same plan, although her intended major may not be as conducive to work while in school. </p>
<p>We are considered somewhat strange in our Upstate NY community since we are willing to pay for most of our kids’ college costs (in fact, we believe it is our responsibility). Parents up this way are far more likely to pay for cars and expensive electronics for their progeny than they are to pay college tuition. But what they do with their money is none of my business and what I do with mine is none of theirs!</p>
<p>hudsonvalley51…sounds like we live in similar communities I was amazed at the number of kids who my son grew up with who were told by their parents when they graduated that they had to go to our local community college (which is quite good) because they didn’t have enough money for other options. Yet these same kids drove very nice cars, all the latest and greatest technology, etc. Different priorities…</p>
<p>We pay tuition, room and minimum required dining dollars which may end the year with a balance, cellphone and service, car insurance (no car at school), clothing (which he never would think to buy and which I send) and travel (both to home and if he should take an occasional trip with friends). He has a credit card and asks if can charge XYZ on it and we pay it. We ‘treat’ him to one dinner/week at the local ethnic restaurant and told him to think of it as having a meal with his family ($8.46 with tip/week). </p>
<p>He had a summer job past summer on campus and has been paying all his incidentals and books (although he seems to largely borrow these from friends and expects $0 outlay next semester) and grocery bills. He seems to be pretty frugal overall, does not expect these things automatically, and appreciates that which he gets.</p>
<p>He works very hard at school and at his sport and as long as he holds up his part of the deal, we will do our part to make it possible and fun for him.</p>
<p>Our son had choices for undergrad, ‘inexpensive’ publics and pricier privates.
He knew what our total contibution would be. He took full Staffords for public undergrad.
We covered everything else. He did work for gas, entertainment $$$.</p>
<p>He is paying back about 21K ish for two degrees. Manageable for him.
He knew if he had chosen differently, the money would not have been available for grad funding. He enjoyed his schools and is loving his job in his field.</p>
<p>emilybee – The Capital District is comprised of many communities with very different dominant cultures. You’ve got school districts such as Niskayuna and then you have…ours. And our community/school district has a very different culture than the one my wife teaches in ten miles distant.</p>
) once she lands a full time job. I think both are appreciative of the help I have given them. I am a single mom, and they are aware of the sacrifices it has taken to get them to this point.</p>