<p>I'm just finishing up a draft of a Penn transfer essay and was hoping that someone would be willing to look it over. It's the "cite a first experience and explain its impact on you" one. Anyone? Thanks in advance for your help.</p>
<p>anyone....</p>
<p>sure. PM me.</p>
<p>sure pm me 2</p>
<p>ill help you out too</p>
<p>I would if you still need</p>
<p>can either of you guys provide me with your email addresses, I'd rather send it that way. Thanks</p>
<p>hi ur message storage is full
so here is critique</p>
<p>ur essay is good but i think it might start a little slow.
also,
are you applying to upenn wharton or others?
because if you were applying to wharton i would recommend that you write much much more structured and business like. for example how wall street journal is written. if you were applying to amherst college or something like that, your essay would be excellent.</p>
<p>it says that your PM inbox is full</p>
<p>is that really true, that I should write in a more structured format because of wharton, which i am applying to. I just haven't heard that anywhere before...</p>
<p>i have cleared out some of my inbox now, so for the rest it should work. thanks again</p>
<p>pm me as well :P</p>
<p><a href="mailto:jack_frost429@hotmail.com">jack_frost429@hotmail.com</a></p>
<p>send it here, i shall try my best :D</p>
<p>Ill check it :)</p>
<p>i'm also applying to wharton as transfer and that was the recommendation i got from my english tutor.</p>
<p>not to be impatient, but can anyone glance it over and send constructive comments tonight. I've sent a couple people the essay, but have gotten no responses. I just have an incredible amount of work to do, since the upcoming week is the one before spring break for me, so I want to submit my app tonight and get it out of the way.</p>
<p>please, anyone?? I'd just feel more comfortable after having someone read it from a perspective other than my own...</p>
<p>I'm Penn applicant myself and I wouldnt mind reviewing your drafts...PM me if you want</p>