<p>I feel for you. Over the years, we all probably have had times when we worried that our kids were "missing the boat" and not quite fitting in. If you think your daughter is emotionally immature, maybe the best thing would be for her to get a job and take a couple of community college classes while living at home - sort of ease into the whole college thing gradually. If she was at home, then you could also monitor her progress and judge when she is ready to leave the nest. I think that a shy 17 year old who loves MySpace and the Jonas Brothers might be a little overwhelmed by thousands of more worldly and outgoing college students.</p>
<p>Have you had her assessed for ADD? The way you describe her -- particularly the dreamy part -- sounds like she could be ADD. Often ADD isn't recognized because the kids don't cause the kind of trouble that happens with kids who have the impulsiveness and hyperactivity that characterizes ADHD. People with ADD are spacy, dreamy, and tend to be overlooked since they don't cause problems. Saying this as someone whose ADD was discovered at midlife.</p>
<p>If your daughter enjoys animals, perhaps she'd enjoy volunteering at the Humane Society or Animal Shelter. She'd get the benefit of more self confidence and focus as well as higher social skills, since she'd interact with other volunteers as well as the animals.</p>
<p>I agree with lkf725 that staying at home while attending community college or vocational school may be the best option for your daughter. I also suggest checking the vocational options available at community college. </p>
<p>College is not the best option for everyone, though our society seems to think that everyone should go to college. There are many people who are happy and very successful -- financially and personally -- in vocations.</p>
<p>Your daughter seems so shy and sheltered that I don't suggest that she attend a long summer program. I imagine that a week would be a challenge for her. Perhaps she'd enjoy a short Outward Bound program? I've been on one and was impressed by how supportive the counselors were and by how much I got out of the program even though I'm not athletic at all. They can be great confidence boosters.</p>
<p>Enter college undeclared at a community college. She should take up a part-time job on campus or in the community. Volunteering is another option.</p>
<p>Have you ever suspected Asperger's? The way you describe her sounds very similar to the personalities/behaviors of my friend's son who is 18 and has Asperger's. He graduated from High School in June with a NYS Regent's Diploma (he is of average intelligence). </p>
<p>He attended the above program during the summer after his Junior year of high school. It was life changing for him. He too had never spent more than one night away from his parents, yet he completed the 6-7 wk summer program just fine. He and the other students were a little homesick the first week but the staff knows exactly how to handle every situation. For the first time in his life, he had friends and a social life. He gained so much confidence that people would actually comment on the positive changes he had made. He became self-sufficient, did his laundry, interned at a nursing home a few hours a week (kids get to chose their interest in being placed in working conditions), learned how to budget his money, use a checkbook, went on field trips, enjoyed organized evening social activities, etc. </p>
<p>He's now attending their post high school program and which has two different tracks--Independent Living and Independent Living with the option of taking college classes during the second year. He is in the college bound track and is now taking pre-college psychology and writing in addition to other classes. He's very happy and loves the fact that he now has a life outside of his parent's home.</p>
<p>some of his Asperger's traits: dedicated to his education but has to work twice as hard as everyone else to achieve average grades, ADD, naive, would rather watch Star Wars and Bart Simpson then more typical age appropriate activities, likes spending time on the computer, has an awkward gait when he walks, not athletically inclined at all, loves history but math is very difficult for him, very caring and thoughtful towards others, doesn't quite "get" social/verbal cues of others but has learned and improved on this while attending the program, talks and communicates extremely well in the home with his family members but is quiet when out of his comfort zone. One funny aspect of his personality is that although he feels a bit awkward conversing socially, he is very comfortable acting in plays. In high school, he even landed a few big roles in the plays. It was if he felt less awkward while pretending to be another character than being himself. He loved the film production classes in high school and was very good at writing, directing, shooting, and editing short movies (his mom, father, and brother were his primary actors in his films).</p>
<p>I forgot to mention that he leaves today to begin his second semester at his program and he's actually excited about it. In addition to his regular classes, he's taking Driver's Ed and thinks it's cool.</p>
<p>I've had her tested several times by different doctors. They all say she has a non-specific learning disability. I think the biggest problem lies in that she is in between someone who needs a lot of assistance and vocational training, and someone who is completely self-sufficient and capable of being college educated. She wants to live away at a college (which we plan to be near our home so we can offer her support and check on her). She may do fine, as long as she is interested in the material and has some chance of success. She realizes that her Jonas Brothers obsession is a little "odd" (she jokes that when people talk about their favorite music in school that she wouldn't say Jonas Brothers because she knows it's odd). She is precisely the type of child that can fall through the cracks because she really doesnt need anything in particular, other than compassion and positive feedback. She can learn, just at an average pace. She has several highly gifted siblings, including one in college, and sometimes it's hard for me to know how "normal" she is. I am hopeful that she will find a place at a nearby college. She has held two jobs before - one she's held for several summers and did well and the other was a short term stint at a local ice cream store and she she did not do well - the job required too much precision (cleaning up every bit of ice cream as you go along) and the two girls she would work with were not nice. Like folk dancing - I am hoping we somehow stumble on something where she's at least average.</p>
<p>I'm getting a better sense of your daughter now and can see why you worry about her.
There are colleges that are more geared towards students with learning disabilities, like Curry College in MA. We visited that school several years ago and were impressed by its caring atmosphere. It might be worth looking into.</p>
<p>What was the summer job that she did well in? What were the conditions there that allowed her to thrive?</p>
<p>An "unspecified" learning disorder must be extremely frustrating. Does this mean they have not been able to set up any sort of education plan? (in which case finding the appropriate LD accommodations in college would also be difficult). I do like the sound of the NYIT program - perhaps you could look into a summer program like this or a summer program/camp for ADD/LD hs students with social issues?</p>
<p>As I have read descriptions of your d, one other thing that occurred to me was the possibility that she might have a nonverbal learning disorder, which I understand can look very much like Asperger's - similar difficulties processing and interpreting nonverbal social cues, difficulties with social skills, motor clumsiness. From things I have read, one of the main differences appears to be that individuals with NLD typically have visual-spatial processing difficulties whereas those with Asperger's are often strong visual learners (Temple Grandin "Thinking in Pictures" comes to mind).</p>
<p>There is a growing body of literature including a few websites on NLD, although I do not think it is a clinical diagnosis yet, and as a result it seems to often go undiagnosed or be misdiagnosed. From an (older) article about NLD I found on the LD Online website:</p>
<p>
[quote]
Nonverbal learning disorders (also called "right-hemisphere learning disorders") often go unrecognized and unaided by teachers and other professionals for a large part of a child's schooling. Overall, there has been an inadequate awareness of the underlying causes for the difficulties these students encounter in school. There are currently few resources available for the child with NLD syndrome through schools or private agencies. It is still difficult to find a professional who understands nonverbal learning disabilities. These children are often labeled "behavior problems" or "emotionally disturbed" because of their frequent inappropriate and unexpected conduct, but NLD is known to have a neurological rather than a deliberate and/or an emotional origin.</p>
<p>The NLD syndrome reveals itself in impaired abilities to organize the visual-spatial field, adapt to new or novel situations, and/or accurately read nonverbal signals and cues. It appears to be the reverse syndrome of dyslexia. Although academic progress is made, such a student will have difficulty "producing" in situations where speed and adaptability are required.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>LD</a> OnLine :: Nonverbal Learning Disorders</p>
<p>I wonder if this might be an area for further testing if not already done?</p>
<p>The above link is an outline of their summer program. The program is designed for students with LD's (it's not just for aspies). All I can say is that it was a life changing experience for my friend's son.</p>
<p>LTM- You are clearly a caring mom, trying to sort things with a daughter who is not easily "categorized". This is both her gift and her challenge- what doors to take may not be immediately obvious, but there are many possibilities for how this will play out in her favor. I concur with others that groups that promote peer socialization experiences may be helpful to her. These are based in some mental health clinics, learning centers, hospital and school settings.Her Drs. may have some suggestions. Additionally, she may need some actual experience with specific options if she is to determine what sets her "on fire". If she likes photography, is there anyone local (teacher at school, adult ed., local vocational evening classes, wedding/yearbook photographer) who she might shadow/help with some tasks? If this were someone she could become comfortable with, it could be a good mentoring experience, vocationally/educationally and socially. If this is hard to find, perhaps a smallish photography class in local adult ed. type programs would be good. It seems that contact with adults not too far ahead of her age -wise, but with empathy and common interests, might help her chart her course. The photography was only an example, the process and who she would be working with would be the my focus. It is very hard for many young adults to be sure of what direction to pursue. Your daughter's situation may well benefit from the resources others have suggested and a thorough pursuit of local after school and summer options. They may provide critical data to her and you. Wishing you the best with this.</p>
<p>Landmark</a> College | The premier college for students with learning disabilities and AD/HD.</p>
<p>Landmark was also on my friend's son's list. He visited the college and liked it but felt that the NYIT location was a better fit for him. He felt that Landmark was too "country" for him.</p>
<p>My sister had no traditional artistic ability, but is excelling in and loving her major in web design at the university of hartford
Multimedia</a> Web Design and Development - University of Hartford</p>
<p>hyskem55 does your sister sound similar to my D? </p>
<p>The hardest part about a child with a LD (even unspecified) is that she does not want to be labeled as "dumb". She's okay with being in the average classes (and is so proud of herself when she does well) and she understands that things are a little harder for her. About a month ago, she was doing terribly in school and came to me crying about how bad she felt about herself for being dumb and how hard it was to focus. She said she wished she could be alone in a white room with one person - and that was the only way she could learn. I had tried meds once before, but they didnt seem to work and the dr. she saw at the time (who was a nationally known specialist) kept increasing the dosage and that made me uncomfortable. I contacted our pediatrician (and all of her teachers) the next morning and we decided to try another type of med. My D reports that this med really works and that she is better able to concentrate. Her grades have improved dramatically. I looked at the description of Landmark and other people with LDs and they seem to want bright, motivated people with LDs. I don't think my D could be described that way. She appears very lazy and does have a hard time making eye contact, although from what I've read I don't think it's Aspergers - primarily because she pays no attention to detail and is extremely empathetic. She may have a mild form? As a PP said, I am lost and do feel frustrated. She has never been "treated" other than the med which acts as a focus stimulant. I've been to several doctors, but do not feel like she has been "figured out". The idea of a NLD seemed appealing - but it sounds like many of the traits are not similar to my daughter like ability to memorize rote material (impossible for my daughter) or any appearance of being gifted (which she doe not have), although many of the symptoms sound similar. Although she is of average intelligence (based upon an IQ test done years ago) she often simply appears unintelligent and awkward. She is extremely empathetic and comforting, which I thought might lead to a career in medicine - but all science classes are extremely hard for her.</p>
<p>I sincerely appreciate all of the suggestions and it sounds like she has a little bit of everything. I am hopeful that I can find a college that is near our home, provides a nurturing environment, is not a party school, and stimulates her through hands on activities. I think she can do okay - I just think she hasn't hit her stride yet. I'm just so scared that she will become frustrated if she falters too much, which is why I'm trying to help her find direction. It sounds to me like she has mild aspergers and a mild NLD, but does not have the positive traits associated with those disorders. She is "shy" but like most people, if she thinks someone likes her or believes in her, she works hard to relate to that person. She can drive for hours in the car without saying a word (and listening to her ipod) but can also spend hours answering questions and taking photos out the window. I am so hopeful that something will bring about a spark - which is why all of your suggestions are so appreciated. That spark could appear at any time.</p>
<p>She sounds like an aspie to me. You might consider having her re-evaluated. The evaluation is usually done by a team of specialists----neurologist, psychologist, as well as the school system (academic records, IEP's, etc.).</p>
<p>There are many parents on this site that are very knowledgeable about the subject and perhaps can advise you on where to go to get an evaluation. Maybe you should start a new thread on this site and make it specific to Asperger's.</p>
<p>People with non verbal learning disorders seem aspie but they really are not. Like scansmom, I thought this really sounded in a number of ways like the daughter has an nvld. I am not sure how helpful it is to be able to say whether she does or not though...</p>