<p>D1 is going to college 3 hours away. We are fortunate to live in a large house in which each child has a nice room, and there is a newly finished basement (man cave) with pool table, ping pong table, eating area, huge sectional sofa, flat screen tv, Xbox etc. that S1 (15 yrs old) uses a lot to entertain friends. He often has sleepovers with 3 or 4 other guys and they all stay down there. We invested in the basement space in hopes of keeping S1 and his friends where we can keep an eye on them, and it's worked well.</p>
<p>Eight years ago when S2 arrived we moved D1 into the 3rd floor finished attic which she has had to herself. It has a mean, steep staircase but it's a very large private space, and is decorated teen girl style. S1's room is very nice, but much smaller and not as private. S1 is lobbying hard to move into the attic when D1 goes away. D1 is furious because it's "her room", and he doesn't need to invade her space, especially since he has the great basement space to use with his friends.</p>
<p>DH thinks S1 should have his turn at the big room, and not be treated like he's not important enough to get the best room. I think since S1 has plenty of space to use, and it's not worth heating/cooling the attic, especially when it will make D1 feel like the door is being slammed behind her as she leaves the house. I want her to feel "at home" when she is home, and she has always spent a lot of time reading alone in her room.</p>
<p>One compromise under discussion is to allow S1 to sleep in D1's room while she's gone, but not allow re-decorating, and when she comes home, she gets her room back. What do you think? How do other families handle this?</p>
<p>Personally, I would say no because of the extra expense of heating and cooling. That is wasteful.</p>
<p>Point out that D1 will be living at home 4 months out of the year. (I’m counting 3 months in the summer, 3 weeks of Winter Break and 1 week of Spring Break, give or take.) </p>
<p>You can always revisit this after a year or so.</p>
<p>My vote is to keep the D’s room for your D until she graduates from college and moves on with her life.
I think it is important for the college kids to have their “safe heaven” at home, and it does not sound like your S1 is particularly deprived ;)…</p>
<p>I’m with you. If S1 has a bedroom and the fantastic man cave, there is no need to heat & cool the attic while you D is away at college.
(but I realize this is a very personal, family decision…)</p>
<p>Just before a kid goes off to college is not the time to discuss kicking said kid out of her room. There’s too much emotional business going on already.</p>
<p>Later, she may give up the room voluntarily, without any objections.</p>
<p>In our house, there is one bedroom that is much smaller than all the others and far less desirable. In the middle of our son’s college years, my husband suggested that it should become his room because he was coming home less and less often. He agreed readily. But if this had been suggested just before he went to college, he would have been appalled.</p>
<p>Keep her room her room. Absolutely nothing is worse than being displaced before you’re ready for it. You really don’t know what’s going to happen next year with D at school and so, even if it’s only a year, I’d leave it as exactly as it is right now.</p>
<p>This is the wrong time for the discussion. Her room is still her room; she doesn’t have any attachment yet to her new life. She needs to know that home is still home. This may change. But now is not the time!</p>
<p>Add my opinion to the wait list. We had a big bedroom sitting vacant while siblings lived in smaller ones when D1 went off to school. It turned out that she brought home lots of friends for weekends, spring break, and one memorably long Christmas break. By the time we redecorated and moved in her brother she couldn’t have cared less. I think it’s just knowing their place is still there.</p>
<p>“There’s too much emotional business going on already.”</p>
<p>So true!</p>
<p>The last Mass we attended as a family the evening before D1 was leaving for college, I glanced over and D1 had tears running down her face. Later I asked her why she was sad, and she said “Everything is about to change!”</p>
<p>So no, changing D1’s bedroom would NOT have been a good idea.</p>
<p>We have three dd. Oldest daughter had the largest room, middle daughter the middle room, youngest had the smallest. As each dd has left for college rooms have been rotated. Oldest’s room is now the smallest room. As each has moved they have painted their rooms to reflect their personalities. No hard feelings, no bitterness, just a fun rite of passage in our home,</p>
<p>–says the mom who let S2 move into S1’s room as soon as S1 walked out the door.
(Reasons for this: S1 was not attached to his room–we moved twice while he was in high school–no personal decorations, no nostalgia associated with the room–which was actually a home office with no closet.)
S2–Felix–had been sharing with S3–Oscar–since he was 2 and just couldn’t take it anymore. S2 really deserved the room, and voluntarily moved back into his old spot when S1 was home for holidays.)</p>
<p>Your S should be content with all the space and cool stuff he already has available.</p>
<p>This is interesting because my younger brother always had the smaller room. </p>
<p>They redid the basement for him and moved him down there, and allowed me to keep my room all through college.</p>
<p>Sounds like he already has the basement and his room so what the heck is he being a jerk about?? ;). Plus, you have the added point of not spending extra money heating/cooling…if he doesn’t understand letting D keep her space, then he might understand that at least.</p>
<p>Another vote for letting D1 keep the room. If your son moved into her room, he would definitely want to redecorate it. D1 will only be 3 hours away, and she will probably come back home occasionally. Even if she works/studies somewhere else in the summer, she will probably be home for vacations during the academic year and a bit of time in the summer. It would be different if your son were cramped, but since he has the basement space, I don’t see the justification.</p>
<p>I vote for D1 to keep her room. As others have pointed out, she’ll need a room for when she visits, and I think she’s not entirely out of the house until she graduates.</p>