<p>In case you missed it, check out the thread on the Cornell student visitor at U Va. who died, and then have a chat with your student about the risks of drinking.</p>
<p>And this exchange by quiltmom and lucifer11287, the deceased student shows that CC parents tried to warn him about the disaster that he was courting:
"Quoting lucifer: </p>
<p>Most risks other than drunk driving are nearly negligible; it is possible to die from alcohol poisoning, but most cases like that occur at college with kids who either a) don't know what they're doing drinking-wise or b) are being hazed and try to drink a ridiculous amount of alcohol in a night (a kid who tried to down two handles (~120 oz) of vodka after being told to and later died comes to mind)). Alcohol-related injuries (falls, etc.) are possible, but again serious ones (more than scrapes or minor bruises) are rare relative to the amount of drunken stupidity in the world."[end lucifer quote]</p>
<p>Quiltguru then states: "I am generally very charitable to misguided students on these boards, but these statements are ignorant and dangerous. Just as ignorant and dangerous as statements made by kids at my D's school during a recent parent/student discussion on alcohol and drugs when they said that they would "know" when one of their friends drank too much that they were in trouble and would get them help and that they could "tell" if someone was unconscious in trouble or just passed out from drinking. Horse hockey. They don't know squat. I recently spent all night in the hospital doing an organ donor evaluation on a teenager who drank to unconsciousness while his "friends" egged him on. They left him on the floor to "sleep it off." Except he never woke up. He was brain dead. His parents were devastated. I was enraged. We couldn't even use the organs because the alcohol had poisoned them all, so there was NO good that could have come from this idiotic action. </p>
<p>lucifer, you are ignorant and dangerous. I encourage all parents to do whatever it takes to stop this underage drinking. Call the counselor, call other parents, call the police. Do what it takes."</p>
<p>although i do believe "lucifer" died from something alcohol-related, has this actually been confirmed yet? just curious.</p>
<p>My thread title should have been more accurate. "May be alcohol related" would have been better. According to the news article in the Cavalier, the student died after going to bed after drinking at a frat. The official cause of death had not been determined at the time of the news story, but foul play is not believed involved.</p>
<p>Info about the student posted in the Newsday article about his death indicated he had been a marathoner when in high school.</p>
<p>Thanks, NSM/quiltguru. I feel so sick hearing about the death of this CC poster (I just had an exchange with him last week). Prayers for his family.</p>
<p>A reminder to students--don't hesitate to call 911 if there is any question a friend is in trouble. Never leave someone to "sleep it off." Please, don't drink. There are too many of these senseless tragedies every year.</p>
<p>Wait...it was lucifer?</p>
<p>Oh, God, no... That's horrible...</p>
<p>I am so, so sorry. A tragedy made moreso by the needlessness of it.</p>
<p>I was involved in that "conversation" about drinking, and felt I may as well be beating my head against the wall. I even remember a comment by another parent about the parents on that thread being "snarky" to a kid with a different opinion, and wondering if there was a way to tell him how wrong he was without being "snarky" (whatever that is). I keep wondering if there's something we should have been able to say to him. What makes such a bright kid do such a stupid thing? He had so much going for him -- what did he have to prove? I don't get it. I hope every kid who defended lucifer's posts will look hard at himself and prevent a recurrence. Make something good come of this.</p>
<p>I'm sick. Oh my goodness. When I saw this was lucifer, I felt like I'd been socked in the gut. You listen to these kids, you offer them a safe house to come to (and a car ride to pick them up, no questions asked) if they feel too drunk to go home, you joke with them, you tell them true stories about the dangers, but still we lose ANOTHER promising life! What ELSE can a parent do?</p>
<p>His last post was just a few days. This is making me feel sick and horrible. God bless his soul.</p>
<p>Call me an insensitive bastard, but how do we even know it was him? I remember on another forum I frequent, a member supposedly "died," only to come forward later and announce that it was all a big hoax. </p>
<p>Sorry guys, but internet shenanigans make me wary of caring.</p>
<p>Was it Lucifer? Is there a link that says so? I feel terrible.</p>
<p>His SN was apparently on his facebook</p>
<p>His SN and a lot of information he gave about himself in his posts confirm his identity.</p>
<p>This is just terrible. </p>
<p>At my S's school, it is very popular for students to visit students who have graduated at their college. They stay in their dorm or fraternity house, the idea is that they are "visiting" the college. It is known to be a big excuse for an extended party and parents allow these "visits". I wonder if these parents even think of the danger of allowing their children to visit their friends at school for what I hear is a free for all party. I have been bothered by this practice for awhile and after this incident, I am even more disturbed.</p>
<p>Talk about free for all parties- that is what most of the athlete recruiting visits turn out to be. Less so if the sport is in season.....</p>
<p>Earlier this AM when I read this thread, I was stunned. Now I'm stunned, P O'd, and deeply saddened for his parents and friends. This kid knowingly and purposefully engaged in high risk behaviors...more than one. He was warned by many supportive parents and kids, and at least one (me) very blunt parent. He didn't listen. He didn't pay the price of long term suffering due to his behaviors...his parents have. Who knows what the root of this kid's high risk behavior was? I sure don't. But cyber-interventions didn't make a hill of beans of difference. I only wish I could believe that his behavior (I am NOT going to call it a mistake...it wasn't...it was his educated decision) could bring about changes in the way other kids approached alcohol and drugs. I'm afraid it won't.</p>
<p>BTW, his screen name was quite telling, IMO.</p>
<p>OMG this is just so awful. An unnecessary and heartbreaking tragedy.</p>
<p>Unfortunately his ""defense"" of drinking was a good indication that he was justifying his own abuse of alcohol. All the posts in the world wouldn't have helped if he had a problem.</p>
<p>This is indeed sad. I am so thankful that my own D, a second year in college, seems to have inherited her parents alcohol moderation gene.</p>
<p>What really angers me is that a researcher at the Harvard School of Public Health has made a career out of studying alcohol abuse at colleges and collected a lot of primary data, mostly survey) at a large number of schools. But the schools required him to agree to confidentiality in order to have access to the students.</p>
<p>As a result, we parents cannot find out which schools have major problems and how they are dealing with it. This in spite of the obvious value of the info to us in choosing schools.</p>
<p>Any wonder why I'm so cynical regarding college administrations?</p>
<p>quiltguru - I posted this on another thread, but I wonder if you'd seen the article that mentioned his dad is a doctor? I thought of you when I read it. I feel sure that this kid had every bit of knowledge about what he was doing at his disposal, and chose to ignore it. The article also said he had a history of alcohol problems. I feel so bad for his parents -- who clearly had told him of the risks, but were powerless to stop anything. It is every parent's worst nightmare -- to see your child in a destructive behavior and not be able to do anything about it, or to continually try to do something, and have it not work. Interestingly, the Biblical Lucifer's name meant angel of light. Fell from grace because he got too sure of himself. Don't know if that's what you were referring to, but yes, the screen name fits.</p>
<p>A poster (or troll) recently harangued on the parents' board about letting go, that our high school and college-aged kids should be mature enough to get by without us. How close do we hover? Where to draw that line is different for every family, and all we can do is the best we can. We help our kids to maturity and then step back and hold our breath. </p>
<p>I can't imagine what his friends must be going through right now, either. Hope it wakes somebody up.</p>
<p>I remember this kid so well. I thought at the time that he merely enjoyed getting a rise out of the parents on this forum. He loved to stand up to any kind of parental or authority involvement in their children's lives, whether it involved restrictions on computers in bedrooms, MySpace type sites or drinking with friends. He was obviously intelligent and well-spoken, a self-described "prep" more lilkely to be seen in popped collar, rather than Goth style. My take on his screenname was that it represented his chosen role as "devil's advocate." So very sad. I'm showing this to my kids too.</p>