<p>Mommy Dearest-
A big hug to you. It is so painful to see your child in pain (whatever caused the need for psychological intervention) and it is difficult to balance being happy to see them act normal and not wanting to trigger the issue versus the need to be a parent.</p>
<p>My D gave us a tough time emotionally in her senior year. It was not a happy time, She was a 4.0, varsity athlete, etc., but boyfriend issues interfered with everything and she was an emotional wreck- amusingly, she does not recall the pain of that year the way we do. I think it has taken my H several years to get over it! </p>
<p>As much as we could we set down rules and stuck to them. For example, we give Ds a budget for all clothing and other needs, we gave her the $ in January to last until the end of the year- D was out of money by March, we did not provide anything, other than the ability to earn $ around the house! She had transport to school and food to eat, but her ability to play in those last few months of senior year was several hampered and it was a bummer, but she made her bed and she had to lie in it. She is still not the best money manager in the family, but is doing much better and we still don't rescue her. She is learning and she would not if she was like the other girls at her school with daddy's credit card and no real limits.</p>
<p>The first year at school she did not call much and we did not put ANY pressure on her to call- we sent occasional fun boxes, regular emails, etc., but we put no pressure on her whatsoever. At the end of the 1st year she had some roommate issues and called for advice, that was brave as she could have chosen her roommate more wisely, but we did not blame or lecture her, we simply acted as a sounding board and made it apparent that it is safe to call- no lectures, no recriminations. By putting pressure to call, the kids quickly decide nothing they do is ever enough, so why bother. Some months life is overwhelmingly busy and we don't hear much- I can always go online to check her bank account to verify she is alive by the debit purchases :p</p>
<p>I think you should convey to your daughter that there is a safety issue with her alone overseas- you need to hear something-email, phone,etc weekly to know she is alive and well. Any other contact should be voluntary. If you can let go, she will come back, on her own----at least that is what I have seen.</p>
<p>Yes, my D still needs to mature and grow up and be more gracious and thoughtful, calling family and g'rents, but I am working from the positive reinforcement arena and I do know that when she calls, it is because she wants to!</p>
<p>As to cell phones, those bills can be crazy if you are not obsessive about it and kids must learn not to be stupid. It is stupid to pay more than you must to a phone company, even if you can afford, you surely ahve better things on which to spend your dispposable income! If my D goes over, I charge her, even if it takes a while to pay it back. Perhaps your D needs to come home and work to pay for the cell bill? My Ds will have cell phones at school rather than installing land lines and the bill is our family plan, but they have to pay for their phone proportionately and they take it seriously, because I don't really care if they have phones, I'll be happy to shut off the line if they are not mature enough to handle the responsibility</p>