<p>D has had a cell phone in high school. The deal was, we paid for phone & plan, & she paid the additional cost to have unlimited texting.</p>
<p>As she leaves for college, I told her I'd now pay for the texting - and in return, I expect at least one text per day. It can be as little as "had a bio test" or "mac & cheese for lunch" - just something so I know she is there! (Of course, a phone call would be ok too - but I know enough not to expect too many of them.)</p>
<p>How any other parents taking a similar approach?</p>
<p>Seems pretty reasonable. My D leaves in a couple of days and we haven’t had this convo yet. But my first D left five years ago for college and our deal then was one meaty email per week and one phone call per week. Texting wasn’t quite as big a deal then – but our deal worked really well. She much prefered filling me in on her life via email.</p>
<p>Oh, and another question re: communications. We now all have webcams – so it seems that might be a good way to stay in touch (up close and personal), but don’t know how much to ask for without being intrusive. I’m thinking it may just replace the one phone call per week that I asked for from D1.</p>
<p>I’m with you. It doesn’t seem to be too much to ask when they are texting constantly. Just an occasional “hi mom” would be more appreciated than they can imagine.</p>
<p>Like IMHopeful, we asked for a phone call once a week (neither H nor I text), and that has worked out fine. D and I also communicate a lot by e-mail. I wouldn’t “demand” anything from your D, though - I’d ask her to keep in touch regularly, and then talk about it with her if she’s not communicating enough. Checking in every day seems like a bit much to me, but a lot of parents and kids seem to do this.</p>
<p>Why don’t you let your d determine whether to communicate daily with you?
You would rather have a forced, insincere relationship than one based on respect?
Your money, your rules, I guess.
Sad.</p>
<p>Before texting, my wife ingrained into them that they were to call every weekend. Now that most are out of school, texting is about the only way we can be sure of a quick answer. Voice mail can take days before they return a call. Sometimes we resorted to looking at online call logs to see if they were still alive.</p>
<p>With S4 a freshman, he knows he’s expected to call every Sunday and we figure he’ll text us back if we text him first. It could be as simple as a “how’s it going?” I figure we’ll get a lot of one word answers, but at least we know he’s awake.</p>
<p>Whoa – I don’t think that was what was intended. I don’t think it is inappropriate at all to set expectations for communication. Daily may not be necessary – and D should have input on what seems reasonable from her perspective. When we set our expectations, I did ask whether that seemed OK to her and she totally agreed. Also, there is certainly no one right answer — every family and relationship is different. I talk to my older daughter a couple of times a week (usually she calls) – but I know other moms/older kids who do talk daily.</p>
<p>I talk/text/email several times daily with D1, my soon to be college senior. Contact both ways. D2 has been gone two weeks. Contact again is initiated on both parts through text/calls and emails.</p>
<p>I would never get on webcam with my mom. She would nag me about whether or not my room was clean enough and I would feel like I am invading my roommates privacy–THAT is intrusive to both your child and their roommate. Though I have seen people using webcams in cafes and such when it’s quiet, that might be fun.</p>
<p>My mom asked me if it was okay if she texted me now and then and I told her that was fine, otherwise we haven’t talked about it. I’ll call when I need to and when I am comfortable with it, I’m sure I’ll at least want to check up every few days to see what’s going on at home. My mom doesn’t expect to hear from me every day, though she might like to-- I’ll probably text her quite often. Even now I text her when I’m not home to tell her funny things that have happened or whatever. I think agreeing to pay her texts was very nice of you and I’m sure she’ll appreciate it, and if you guys text each other at all I bet you’ll hear from her a fair amount that way.</p>
<p>Both DDs don’t text much at all so our plan doesn’t include it. As far as contact, we call DD1 on an irregular basis, and I’m sure we’ll do the same for DD2 when she starts this fall.</p>
<p>A requirement to check in every single day sounds like too strong a tie to the apron strings. A request to stay in touch and communicate once or twice a week seems more reasonable. I would leave it open and agree to discuss the situation after a month or two goes by.</p>
<p>I’m the mom of 5 of undergrads and grad students. We didn’t have a cell phone(s) until son #2 (kiddo #4) went away to college. Older sibs were already far, far away in college when they all got together and got a family plan. They gave me a phone and honestly it is a wonder I can answer or call from it. I know how to look at the pics they send and the texts but that’s it. No texting for me. They do have unlimited texting so they can all talk to each other and their friends.</p>
<p>I figure they are all so busy with their stuff I wait until they call me. And heaven forbid I don’t answer when they call, (walking the dogs, taking a shower…) then they ALL call worried they can’t get a hold of me. They have called neighbors, my mom who lives in another state…why am I not answering???</p>
<p>I understand the need and want to talk to my babies but it is/was really up to them. Leaving it up to them as really worked for our family. Maybe first week or so the boys called every few day or maybe a week. But when they realized I wasn’t calling them (pointed out by sisters) they call more often. </p>
<p>Kiddo #4 will be a college senior this year and he does call daily. Sometimes more, but for short conversations. He is not much of a gabber. His older brother calls maybe twice or three times a week but for at least an hour at a time. He saves up all his stuff and talks and talks. Different personalities, different needs. Girls call every day, over and over and OVER!</p>
<p>So my best advice, after years of this and 5 kiddos(and yes it is years and years!) let them call, when they can and when they want. I try to give them my full attention but sometimes it’s hard especially when another one of their sibs is beeping in! Not fun, but that’s another saga!! </p>
<p>And AIM, another device that makes me nuts. Boys put it on my computer and I seriously dislike it! seriously. When I talk to them I like to hear their voices, not so much what they are saying but their voices. All will be home tommorrow for a short time so I am excited!! 4 whole days!!!</p>
<p>I think requesting a daily text is a bit much. Remember, there’s a reason they’re going AWAY to college. They need to separate from us a bit. (It’s a lot harder on us than it is on them!) If they WANTS to text daily that’s fine, but for you to insist is going to probably lead to perfunctory texts that are resented, instead of the kind of communication you really want. Asking to hear from your child in one form or another (text/email/call) a minimum of twice a week to start sounds more reasonable to me.</p>
<p>DS will be a junior in college this year, 300 miles away. He texts/calls/emails when he needs something, and when he was a freshman if we didn’t call him for a week or so he’d call us. Now it’s more of a “no news is good news” kind of thing, ha ha. If I call/text/email he will respond, so I don’t complain. He doesn’t always answer his phone but he does call me back.</p>
<p>I remember freshman year, trying to figure out how much is too much vis-a-vis communication w/DD & us parents. I wanted her to feel independent-but-I knew we were close and thought I would be missing her terribly. SO…what to do…I looked to CC and checked out what other parents did with their kids, natch!
So, I understand this post.
I remember one parent-or was it a compilation?= suggesting that I encourage communication at least once a week-but if they were really busy-then call/text when they had a free moment. And that it was OK to say your preference was for a phone call-but-not to feel they had to call the first 2 weeks. I took their advice-and believe it set the foundation for good communication through her college years-she is a junior this year.
I am here to tell you, however, that the first 10 days she was away and we didn’t hear from her was grueling for me-I missed her so much-but my DH helped me-and we thoroughly enjoyed that first phone call!
And…we also got a video camera that we use occasionally. It has helped me see how she is doing more than words can relate. Her body language will let me know if something is bothering her that her words may not suggest. It relieved my stress–and hers–just to see each other-and the dog and DH!..but if she doesn’t want to use it, then I am OK w/that.
So, now it goes in spurts. Some weeks-alot of phone calls–and then nooottthhhiiiinnnng.
Those weeks I may just send a text w/a smiley face or send funny emails= which she may only respond w/a smiley face in return.
It works for us, and maybe will help you.
G’Luck ChiSquare-You have raised a wonderful person-pat yourself on the back and enjoy this part of the journey! APOL</p>