<p>Race: Black/Hispanic---1st generation Honduran</p>
<p>What are my chances at:
Amherst
Vassar
Sarah Lawrence
Skidmore
Williams
Haverford
NYU
Tulane</p>
<p>SATI: 1180 (660v 520m) I'm taking them again for the last time this January.
SATII: 730 American History, 670 European History, 610 Biology. I also took the Math IC and Writing but my scores were abysmal.
AP: 4 Bio, 4 American His, 3 Euro His, 1 Spanish. I am currently taking AP Physics and English.<br>
GPA: 3.9/4.0+. 94.76 average.<br>
Rank: 41/432</p>
<p>Resume: Not very extensive</p>
<p>National Honor Society: ARISTA Inducted May 2004
Physician Career Enhancement Program: Exclusively selected from Staten Island High School students to participate in an intensive program designed to lead minority students in a medical profession. (7/04-present)
National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine: Nominated to participate in the forum on medicine at the Tulane University School of Medicine, New Orleans. (7/02-7/04)
National Student Leadership Conference: Nominated to participate in the forum on International Law at American University, Washington D.C. (8/03-7/04)
National Honor Society: ARISTA Inducted May 2004
A P Scholar: Granted to students who receive grades of 3 or higher on three or more AP exams. (11/04)</p>
<p>Organized and Directed Food and Clothing Drive for Honduran hurricane Mitch victims. (8/01)
Organized Clothing Drive for Costa Rican missionaries. (1999-2003)
Certified Professional Rescuer by the American Red Cross. (6/04)
Certified First Responder by the American Red Cross. (6/04)</p>
<p>Work Experience: Years involved by Grade Hour Per wk wks per year
New York Public page 11, 12 15 30
Library </p>
<p>Extraxcurriculars:
Orchestra member 9, 10 10 32
String Ensemble member 10 5 32
Newman Club member 11, 12 5 32</p>
<p>Continued...</p>
<p>ACT: I took the ACT and only managed a composite of 25. I'll take the ACT again, but since the test date is in February I'm not sure the colleges will recieve my score before they read my application. </p>
<p>Essay: Two of the people I had review my common app. essay said it was brilliant. However, my grade advisor said it was "too robust for her taste", but I still sent it anyway. I am having a little trouble writing the Haverford essay about the Honor Code.</p>
<p>Nearly encompassed by a great number of spectators each speaking in a sotto voce, I sat directly in front of the conductor completely erect on a hard yet disturbingly comfortable chair on the glorious stage of Carnegie Hall. It is very possible that the varnish of my Viola glared too brightly, for it was at the very moment when I had stared into the depth of the rouge color that I came to a realization: I had finally ascended to become a legitimate member of the phylum Vertebrata.
Lacking the supporting axis of my body, more often than not in the past I would intentionally seclude myself into the dark, unlit corners of rooms during social occasions in order to prevent any feelings of ignominy. Analogous to an echinoderm, I avoided the eyes of those that I encountered in order to be immediately forgotten. I was the unhappy, lonely pink circle in Zoloft commercials. My introverted Mersault-like personality was clearly apparent in my academic performance which was average. The distance between me and my creativity made it difficult to complete assignments that were noticeably exceptional. Time and again I excelled in areas which required little or no ingenuity since I had none to give. Gradually, however, as the cartilage of my back began to harden, I began to change.<br>
As our aquatic ancestors felt after they developed a spinal column enabling them to clamber out of from the watery deeps, I was a new creature in an unfamiliar world. However, it was with my evolution beyond being a coelenterate that I gained a quality that I had lacked for most of my life: self assurance. With my new found confidence, I felt as though the possibilities of this new world were limitless. I did not fear that of which I did not know. The boundary that had impeded my climb up the evolutionary ladder had been breached.
Although I did not complete my realization of my new discovery until my debut, I later grasped that my transformation into a vertebrae had already taken place. The fact that I had actually mastered the fickle strings of a viola verified that my epiphany, coupled with the bony segments that made up my poise, was no mere delusion of the moment. My viola was the sea in which I evolved; it was my first venture into this foreign world. Undertaking everything from cellular respiration to restoring a 1957 Chrysler 300-D, I used my new structure beyond its purpose, nullifying any need for artificial lumbar support. I was no longer content with the mundane things that were the corner stones of my former self. The confidence I had gained through my evolutionary experience belied my previously perceived danger of change and growth. More importantly, I regularly and compulsively desired to attain anything new and associated with learning. I was no longer afraid of the undiscovered.
I do not know what waits for me during my next evolution. I require an environment that will serve as the medium for my ascension into the next plateau. It is there that Ill become a continental principality or something entirely different. I will be able to satiate my desire for a quest into the unfamiliar. What a brave new creature I will be.</p>
<p>This essay was done at the last minunte so I could make many corrections.</p>
<p>Science, unaccompanied and left in its empirical form either through speech or in print, is simply lame. If and only if science is applied to the physical universe, does it then progress toward losing its perceived triviality whilst gaining credibility as a method to uncovering the cloak that shrouds the mystery of how and why things work. Science links us to our surroundings and inside ourselves which can go on uninterrupted by human intervention. It is intrinsic in human nature to have an appetite for discovery and understanding. The elation one experiences as he comes to a basic understanding of the nearly autonomous machinery in his body is incomparable. However, without applying science to the objective world, it becomes ineffective and without meaning.
Devoting science for the sole purpose of uncovering the confusion that covers our surroundings in secretes, not only satisfies our curiosity, but also allows us to come to a closer understanding of the world. Naturally those that currently lord over the world should be aware of the particulars and intimates of the universe. Science exposes these particulars while at the same time inviting us not to become content or lie on our own understanding. Science from the stale pages of a text book spawns a hatred and disdain that eventually becomes in-rooted in ones mind. Moreover, it is with this revulsion and hatred that false impressions regarding subjects such as evolution and the beginning of life arise. These assumptions are not favorable of science and drastically limit progression toward a true and legitimate meaning of our world. By observing science through the physical universe, however it negates commonly held misconceptions and at the same time eases the animosity.
Understanding our physical world and all its entrapments confirms the authority of the human race over the world. The ability to control the uncontrollable and understand the incomprehensible satisfies our desire to have surmounted our insignificance as humans. Consider for example observing a violent torrent that would surely cause destruction to anything in its path. With neither tongue nor hand to communicate, it is only through science that we can come to an understanding of this violent flow. Science provides the satisfaction of accomplishment and solidifies our authority as governors over the world. Instead of cowering in the midst of the cascades power, through science we acquire the status of a husbandly owner; exercising headship and dominance. Our dominance over the cosmos serves as testimonial to a way in which science becomes more interesting as it transverses the page into the world of reality.<br>
A pointless existence would be instilled throughout our mind if we viewed science on in its realistic outward appearance. Removing the puzzlement that covers our universe can only be with the aid of science when it is applied to the tangible world. Wordy and convoluted explanations for the clock like construction of our universe place a distortion on the sciences; hiding there true benefits. Steadily, by removing that distortion, our dominion over the universe will be consolidated, and the numerous fallacies regarding science will lose any sense of creditability.</p>
<p>I would really appreciate any feedback. After my NYU supplement is revised I'll post it here for further comments. I know that my chances at Amherst are slim so the essay really doesn't matter. </p>
<p>BTW, I'm in the toughest academic program at my school (International Baccalaureate).</p>
<p>Um..your essays used too much flowery language. I suggest toning down the language and write more casual, its almost impossible for me to go through the first paragraph of your first essay without stoping to look up a word. It looks like you used a thesaurus and tacked together a few long sentences to sound smart. Otherwise, your essays are fine but you need to tell colleges more about you.</p>
<p>Amherst - major reach
Vassar - reach
Sarah Lawrence - ?
Skidmore - ?
Williams - ?
Haverford - reach
NYU - match/slight reach
Tulane - match</p>
<p>Haha. Okay. I've never seen people post essays as stats, but that's fine.</p>
<p>I definitely agree with asdf. They are extremely well-written - do not get me wrong - but perhaps a bit... pretentious. In fact, you get a little too flowery even in the first sentence, that it seems to take away from the essay rather than improve it. See what I mean here:</p>
<p>"Nearly encompassed by a great number of spectators each speaking in a sotto voce, I sat directly in front of the conductor completely erect on a hard yet disturbingly comfortable chair on the glorious stage of Carnegie Hall."</p>
<p>I know your intentions were good here. But you make it sound like you had an erection at Carnegie Hall. It's just one example of trying to sound like someone who is not you. Now I don't know you, but if this is the way you talk, I'd prefer not to. Do NOT be afraid to sound like you - it's your voice, you don't only want to say what's on your mind, but you want to say it the way YOU would say it.</p>
<p>Anyway, with your stats, take those SATs again and raise them to a 1300 if possible. If you do that, I'd say Sarah Lawrence, Tulane, Skidmore and NYU are in the bag. You'll also most likely get into NYU and Vassar. Amherst, Williams, and Haverford will be reaches - but I think they very are realistic ones.</p>