Chances of Appeal

Chance Me / Match Me!
1

<p>This is my appeal, what do you guys think about it.</p>

<p>Dear Academic Appeal Committee,
Good morning, i am writing this letter of appeal in shame, and in disgust of my performance for my first college semester. As the brilliant student i am known to be and capable of, this first semester was a total shock to me due to the obstacles i was faced with. Midway through the semester, i received news from my friends in High School, that one of my closest friends Jamal Dewar committed suicide. After hearing the news, i stayed in my room the entire night, did not sleep and cried my eyes out. I have had families that have passed away due to illnesses but i have never had one of my closest friends taken from me in an instant and not being able to even attempt to help them. Living on campus, this affected me because i couldn't really open up to anybody about this issue, mostly because i did not know how to react or go about it. Even my friends on campus were not informed. As a college student, i know it was my responsibility and the right action should have been to reach out for help, as it would have been most likely available unto me. I often received good scores on my tests in class, but i could never complete the assignment because for a long time, i was to busy worrying about something that was out of my reach. I put a lot of blame on myself for not being there for my friend and felt guilty a lot. I also failed purchase one book required for one of my classes, which was my fault and could have improved my Grade in that class to at least an A or a B, bringing down my GPA even more. The failure to complete my some assignments came to haunt me a lot, if i did so, my GPA would be at least at a 2.0 and higher. I later on spoke to my father about the issue, and he also had a similar problem and helped me cope with it to an extent. By then, it was to late, i had reached out months after i should have. Even in high school, i did not find myself in these shoes. If i am dismissed, it will be one of the biggest failures of my life, as i know i am capable of being one of the best students in the school, and i plead for a second chance. If accepted, i will go for every help possible and offered help by the school to make certain i will never ever ever been in this position in my life ever again.
I recently visited my friend's grave, and i made a promise to him and myself that i will carry himself on in the back of mind and use it as a tool to help me strive for success. Everyone that knows me know i have a deep hate for mediocrity. I have to note that i also emailed my Computer teacher twice concerning on an issue i had with uploading my homework onto the site, i didn't not get a response from my Professor, but i take full responsibility for not adapting and making the necessary changes to fix the problem. I love to take involvement in politics, computers and debates ranging from religion to extraterrestrial beings. Alfred State is a great college to live on campus, because it isn't to big and the tools to do good academically is helped by the environment. Even in this moment, my legs are trembling, i will do whatever necessary to ensure my success and return back to Alfred State. I plan to meet with my teachers on a weekly basis to ensure i am in great academic standing, not at a satisfactory level but at an excelling one. I also plan to meet with my academic adviser as much as possible to ensure i am on a great path to rebounding and never returning back in this position again. I also plan to use the tutoring options form the school a lot more rigorously, i intend to leave room for little to almost no flaws, investing thousands dollars in my education isn't a joke, all the loans i have taken out, i hope to to maximize my results to the highest. I have also informed my roommate and a few of my friends in trying to create a study time, in which we all can study at least one time a week to push each other more to overachieving. </p>

<p>I am glad to say i am no longer plagued by any extenuating circumstances, and my first semester failures have given me the experience to be successful in my continuing college life. I am ready to take on my responsibilities head on and not just do good at them, but overachieve. This decision has opened up my eyes to be more aware than i ever was, the fear of failing is something i would never ever want to experience ever again, leaving my older brother and my father alongside my three younger siblings, my father allowed me to go away for college in hopes that i will become a great leader. I wish, pray and plead for just one more opportunity to really showcase what i am capable of, i hope i do receive that chance. I am better equipped and know for certain, i can handle the my academics and seek help whenever i need to. I hope for a second chance and I thank you for considering my appeal.</p>

2

<p>Has there been any significant change in your academic record?</p>

3

<p>This is my first college semester, i am a freshmen, idk what you mean change in my academic record.</p>

4

<p>First, capitalize your i’s…</p>

<p>“As the brilliant student i am known to be and capable of, this first semester was a total shock to me due to the obstacles i was faced with.”
-Grammatically wrong… “as a student” should have I after the period… make it “Knowing that I am capable much more, I regret that my success this first semester was impeded with the shock of unforeseen obstacles.”</p>

<p>“I have had families that have passed away due to illnesses but i have never had one of my closest friends taken from me in an instant and not being able to even attempt to help them.”
-Change it to: “I have known members of close families that have passed away due to illnesses, but I have never experienced a close friend dying from something so dramatic and unpredictable.”</p>

<p>"Living on campus, this affected me because i couldn’t really open up to anybody about this issue, mostly because i did not know how to react or go about it. "
-Again, this is wrong gramatically. Whenever you have an -ing statement, the subject after the comma needs to be doing the -ing. You need to fix this and learn why this is bad grammar.
WRONG: Having four feet, the bird was killed by the dog…
CORRECT: Having four feet, the dog killed the dog
That being said, correct this to “Living on campus, I have been affected by this circumstance. I felt that I had nobody to share my feelings with who would truly understand.”</p>

<p>More in next post…</p>

5

<p>“Even my friends on campus were not informed.” Delete</p>

<p>“As a college student, i know it was my responsibility and the right action should have been to reach out for help, as it would have been most likely available unto me.”
-Could be condensed… say “As a college student, I know that I should have reached out for help, which I now know is readily available.”</p>

<p>“I often received good scores on my tests in class, but i could never complete the assignment because for a long time, i was to busy worrying about something that was out of my reach.”
-Be more direct… “Despite earning good scores on tests, I could never complete the assignments because I was mourning my friend’s death in isolation.”</p>

<p>“I put a lot of blame on myself for not being there for my friend and felt guilty a lot.”
-Delete “a lot”… awkwardly tacked on at the end</p>

<p>“I also failed purchase one book required for one of my classes, which was my fault and could have improved my Grade in that class to at least an A or a B, bringing down my GPA even more.”
-Improve to: “Due to this distraction, easily avoided problems became detramental to my grade. For example, I (did you forget?) to purchase a required text, which inevitably brought my GPA down.”</p>

<p>“The failure to complete my some assignments came to haunt me a lot, if i did so, my GPA would be at least at a 2.0 and higher.”
-Stop using the word “a lot.” 99% of the time it is unneeded. “I began to linger onto the the past; I noticed if I completed assignments, my GPA would be much higher, distracting me more.”</p>

<p>“I later on spoke to my father about the issue, and he also had a similar problem and helped me cope with it to an extent.”
-“he also had” indicates that he was suffering WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM. Say “Seeking to improve my academics, I spoke to my father, who could relate since he suffered from a similar situation.”</p>

<p>By then, it was to late(Period, not comma)</p>

<p>i had reached out months after i should have.
Bad grammar… should be “I regrettably waited months to seek help.” </p>

<p>Even in high school, i did not find myself in these shoes.
-“in these shoes” is a cliche… find something else to say.</p>

<p>If i am dismissed, it will be one of the biggest failures of my life, as i know i am capable of being one of the best students in the school, and i plead for a second chance.
-Don’t say one of the best, you need to not come across as cocky…
“If I am dismissed, my college experience will be marked as one of the biggest failures of my life.”</p>

<p>If accepted, i will go for every help possible and offered help by the school to make certain i will never ever ever been in this position in my life ever again.
-You don’t “go for help.” Change to
If my ____ is repealed, I will emerge stronger, knowing to seek help offered by (College name) to reassure that I never become such a victim of an unfortunate situation again.</p>

<p>Best of luck dude. You don’t need to copy everything I said; I actually recommend you look at what I did and see how you could improve it in your own words. DO NOT SEND THIS WITHOUT YOUR i’s CAPITALIZED!</p>

6

<p>Oops didn’t see there was more… editting the rest right now</p>

<p>“I recently visited my friend’s grave, and i made a promise to him and myself that i will carry himself on in the back of mind and use it as a tool to help me strive for success.”
-While this is emotional, I would keep it out. I would recommend deleting this. It seems redundant.</p>

<p>“Everyone that knows me know i have a deep hate for mediocrity.”
-Delete again, you have made the point that you don’t like your academic performance. Doesn’t add to the essay.</p>

<p>“I have to note that i also emailed my Computer teacher twice concerning on an issue i had with uploading my homework onto the site, i didn’t not get a response from my Professor, but i take full responsibility for not adapting and making the necessary changes to fix the problem.”
Delete this, again. Not a valid excuse and it seems like you are scrambling for reasons when I read this. If you take full responsibility, don’t mention it. It is a rather lame excuse to by honest.</p>

<p>“I love to take involvement in politics, computers and debates ranging from religion to extraterrestrial beings.”
I would simply say “I love to be involved in politics and computers at Alfred State.”</p>

<p>“Alfred State is a great college to live on campus, because it isn’t to big and the tools to do good academically is helped by the environment.”
-You used the wrong “to”… should be “too”. Change to “Alfred State’s thriving academic life and resources I have observed over the last semester will allow me to fully recover from the past semester” </p>

<p>“Even in this moment, my legs are trembling, i will do whatever necessary to ensure my success and return back to Alfred State.”
-Generally, I would refrain from describing what your body parts are doing. Say what your mind is thinking. Delete.</p>

<p>“I plan to meet with my teachers on a weekly basis to ensure i am in great academic standing, not at a satisfactory level but at an excelling one.”
-Simplify to “I plan to meet with my teachers weekly to ensure that I am in great academic standing.” The ending clarification isn’t necessary.</p>

<p>“I also plan to meet with my academic adviser as much as possible to ensure i am on a great path to rebounding and never returning back in this position again.”
-Should be “back to this position again.” Aside from that, good sentence!</p>

<p>I also plan to use the tutoring options form the school a lot more rigorously, i intend to leave room for little to almost no flaws, investing thousands dollars in my education isn’t a joke, all the loans i have taken out, i hope to to maximize my results to the highest.
-You have had “I also plan” sentences in a row. Mix it up ;). Also, it is drawn out. Change to “I will now use tutoring resources to recover from last semester and take full advantage into the monetary and emotional investment college has become.”</p>

<p>I have also informed my roommate and a few of my friends in trying to create a study time, in which we all can study at least one time a week to push each other more to overachieving.
-Awkward wording, should be “I have also asked a group of friends if we could create a weekly study block, in which we push each other towards greater success.” Overachieving is a bad word.</p>

<p>Continuing in next post!</p>

7

<p>I am glad to say i am no longer plagued by any extenuating circumstances, and my first semester failures have given me the experience to be successful in my continuing college life.
-Change to: “While I am glad that extenuating circumstances are no longer restricting my success, I recognize that I will have to recover next semester. I will have to work even harder to ensure that I am caught up to the academic standards of (COLLEGE NAME).”</p>

<p>“I am ready to take on my responsibilities head on and not just do good at them, but overachieve.”
-Delete, this isn’t needed. You got this point across.</p>

<p>“This decision has opened up my eyes to be more aware than i ever was, the fear of failing is something i would never ever want to experience ever again, leaving my older brother and my father alongside my three younger siblings, my father allowed me to go away for college in hopes that i will become a great leader.”
Commas are misused all around in this sentence. Change to “My father allowed me to leave my older brother and three younger siblings to become a great leader from college and I now fear falling.”</p>

<p>"I wish, pray and plead for just one more opportunity to really showcase what i am capable of, i hope i do receive that chance. "
A lot of gramatical errors, change to “I plead for an opportunity to continue my college education in order to truly showcase what I am capable of.”</p>

<p>I am better equipped and know for certain, i can handle the my academics and seek help whenever i need to. I hope for a second chance and I thank you for considering my appeal.
-Delete, the previous sentence would be a good last sentence.</p>

8

<p>aaaaand I’m done. Seriously best of luck dude. You will have to work on your writing, but I see the passion to succeed and your voice coming through.</p>

9

<p>With all the improvements, what do you think my chances are for winning my appeal, and thank you guys so much for your inputs.</p>

10

<p>I honestly have no clue. It would be a good essay, but it depends a lot on your school’s history on forgiving this kind of thing. If you wanted to further improve your chances, I would contact a professor you had, even if you got a horrible grade in their class. Explain your situation to them and try to have them advocate for you. That would be the “golden ticket” I believe.</p>

11

<p>bump 10char</p>