<p>not a bad essay, no grammitical errors. Try to create more compound or compound complex sentences. Your sentence rhythm is not good. All simple sentences. Otherwise quite good, good intro, somewhat captivating. Use more active verbs. If you convert every linkingverb in your essay to an active verb, it would make it much better.-from Writing with style, a book by a man named Trimble (cant remember his last name)</p>