I always feel terrible when reading stories about kids who start off college struggling academically. So many of them have common elements of reinforcing effects, where the kid starts feeling depressed, isolated, like the proverbial imposter, all of which can make it even harder to succeed.
Of course when kids struggle, you hope they get some sort of intervention that will help, and I know at least some colleges are trying to be better about this. But still in too many cases that never happens, or not enough. Around here, these stories are rare. But out in the real world, it happens.
And even if that kid doesn’t actually drop out, they may quickly be out of the running for what they originally hoped to achieve. So many people drop out of really hard tracks like pre-med and engineering and so on. No one likes to talk about this, but even at “top” colleges, some of the kids who want to be lawyers will not actually be able to get into T14 law schools, and some not top regional or local law schools either.
And I agree with you, personally–I want my kids to go to colleges where they are well-prepared to do well. Being challenged is good too, so there is a balance there. But it feels to me like some families are basically looking to maximize how challenging it will be for their kids, and disregarding the risks associated with that. That to me is not a balanced approach to these complex issues.