Hello.
We moved from West Coast to East Coast during pandemic, last summer due to my job.
We weren’t sure about the public school system in the area well, and thinking about the chaos during covid, we decided to send her to one of a highly selective private school in the area.
This private school has high reviews because of their very good matriculation of numerous prestigious colleges like ivies.
This school adopted covid well, and has in-person learning, so we thought it would be nice.
BUT it was a huge mistake…
This school wasn’t for my girl and she is suffering socially, and almost losing her passion.
In West Coast, she had lots of friends and highly motivated, but now she is so sad and struggling.
Now we are thinking about transferring to the local public school.
We’ve already paid the deposit for the next school year, and I hope we have no obligation for the next school year tuition yet!!
Is it too risky to transfer school in Junior year?
Does that hurt my child’s college admission chance?
She is very academic, all A student, with high standardized test score.
I am more worry about her mental status, and now I realize she does fits better in public school system.
The public school has a band program, which she loves, and more diverse.
Please help us. Any advise would be really appreciated.
Thank you very much.
To be honest we moved from West Coast to East and it was hard. Public school has many kids and larger class size. This works to your favor as she can make friends with a group who is like her, the down side is that its a big school. There are more opportunities in public school --often more clubs, more levels for kids who are A students and as long as she works hard, has support at home, she will be fine. Mine went from private in Seattle to private East Coast and had to be pulled out because we moved to a neighborhood where the public school was a block away.
Public Schools that do well have parents who are involved. Someone told me this a long time ago. Its about the parents–kids who have parents who are smart, engaged and care do better than parents who are exhausted, working two or three jobs trying to mak etheir ends meet. When we pulled ours out of the orivate school, we had the insurance, we lost a bunch but got back 60%.
Thank you for your reply.
I see. So we may lose our money… That’s hurt.
I think I should sign up for school’s tuition refund insurance now, so I may be able to pay the full tuition for the next year. Oh, my. It’s a nightmare.
Thing is, we don’t know if it’s better to send her the local public school.
Partly because of the covid, we don’t know the community well. We know it’s a good , decent public school, but nothing more than that.
And it’s already junior year…
It’s extremely difficult choice for us.
Thank you so much for listening. I really appreciate it.
Refer to your contract, you will likely only lose your deposit if you pull her now. Usually the payments begin by summer. The insurance usually doesn’t cover you just changing your mind, and it may require partial attendance.
Check your contract. Nobody can answer this for you.
But if a switch gives her a better fit, you shouldn’t worry about making that change. She’ll be better off for being happier and better able to follow her interests. Colleges accept students, not schools.
Thank you everyone. I hope I won’t lose more money.
Now i am frantically looking for the contract when I signed at the re-enrollment, but apparently it was made through online portal and only thing I find is the confirmation email, and I can’t find it anywhere. Sigh…
I am really scared but I will look for it.
Thank you everyone.
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I think transferring junior year is hard. Junior year is stressful enough, and most of the friend groups and club groups have already formed. I would not think it likely she could get a leadership position in a new school. So the question for me would be, how unhappy is she, and is that a function of the school or just the stage? You might also consider how all this would affect gpa-our private and public schools use different grading scales, and one would be severely disadvantaged going from private to public. A lot to consider. I am not sure going to another school her junior year is going to solve the issue as much as just create other issues.
I see… She is my first one, and maybe we just don’t know how hard the junior year is.
It may be harder than we think.Hmm.
Is transferring school in junior year that bad?
About GPA, who should I ask about this issue? Private College counselor? or school counselor? maybe, she has no choice but to stay this school…
Due to the covid, we weren’t able to visit the school physically. Everything was online.
If we had been able to see the school in-person, this might not have happened…
Well it’s too late to regret the past choice now.
I will try my best to support her and keep positive attitude.
Thank you for the insights, everyone.
I wonder if it’s the school or the move, and if the adjustment anywhere would have been hard?
Why is the current private a bad fit? Is it academics or social? If it’s social, I can imagine moving during covid times being especially hard for a teen without the normal ways to interact outside of school. Not sure it would have been better at public school.
I think junior year is a tough time to move. That said, if your child’s mental health is suffering that would be a priority to get her in a more supportive setting. Just be sure that’s your public school.
What does she want?
If the local public school is decent, there’s no need to pay for a miserable experience.
Is the problem social? Academic? Does she have friends? Was she able to join clubs or find activities?
Was she able to join the band at the private school? Would she be able to at the public school?
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15 is a rough age for girls, anywhere, plenty of “mean girl” stuff still happening. Moving coasts and changing schools is a big adjustment at any time, plus with pandemic protocols, those challenges are magnified further.
You describe the challenges as social and that she is sad and struggling. Is she seeing a therapist? Can you get some clarity to figure out to what extent her unhappiness stems from the move, from the pandemic isolation, from the school? Some private schools offer counseling services through the school, is that an option to help her work through her emotions?
Call the enrollment management team at your private school Monday to understand what the re-enrollment contract specifies. There may also be links on the school website on re-enrollment policies etc.
Seeing our children struggle is so hard, big hugs.
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I see from the OP’s earlier post last year about the move, that it was going to be to the Main Line, outside Philly (where I’m from). Those public schools are superb – Lower Merion, Harriton, Radnor, Conestoga, all excellent public schools funded through high property taxes. Socially, those suburbs area can be a challenge as there is a lot of wealth. Social challenges can be exacerbated in the independent schools because the number of students in each grade can be small, shrinking the potential pool for friends, plus some students have been going to school together since pre-k.
Many of the independent schools will be responsive if you reach out to teachers, counselors, the Head of Upper School etc. for advice and support for your student. It’s possible that your student’s unhappiness can be addressed and resolved in her current school. If not, then absolutely, as parents, we would do anything to see our children smile and thrive, and a move may be the best solution. In the meantime, though, I suggest working with the school to get support and feedback about how to improve your daughter’s situation now.
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I am sure the academics are fine at both schools, but attending 3 different high schools in 3 years would be hard on almost anyone socially. A local therapist would often have good insight into the culture at both schools and whether a transfer would help.
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I agree – first step would be focus on understanding and improving the adjustment to new, independent school, knowing that the local public schools are an excellent fall-back, if absolutely necessary. Transferring into to a competitive public school as a junior would bring its own challenges.
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We have moved a lot, and I have seen what happens when a new school works- and when it doesn’t. We moved after Grade 8 for Collegekid1 - and she left that school after Grade 10. Our girl was wilting in front of our eyes. She didn’t want to move- having just moved- but while at a summer program realized herself how bad a fit that school was and finally asked to move. I won’t pretend that it was easy*, but she was herself again, and has no regrets about moving. In general, I absolutely back following your gut.
Btw, in terms of college admissions- she had great material for essays, she got top-tier admissions, and the friend group she found at the 2nd school has held up through college and grad school.
*the hardest part was the school reimbursement process. Check your details- it’s still only March (we made the call in July), so you may be able to get out of it more neatly. Ours required that she attend for the first 2 weeks of school. The two weeks were dreadful: I took her to the school every morning, picked her up at lunch time and took her to the new school. BUT: the $$ amount was huge, and we supported her every way we knew how and everybody got through it. #noregrets
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I’m grew up area OP, and the public schools there are excellent. I think you’re on the right track. In fact, I have a 15-year-old sophomore, who won’t be 16 until late June. I am thinking about pulling her from her intense, elitist private school in the Washington, DC area and moving up there and having her repeat sophomore year in public school, since she’s pretty young. Granted, she didn’t just move across the country and start a new school. But I think kids miss out on a lot in these small, private schools. If she’s not happy, move her. Could she consider repeating sophomore year, so she has time to regain her footing, join clubs, play in the band, etc?
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We moved one of ours from Catholic to urban public high school when the kid was wilting – as you say – before our eyes. The move was absolutely the right decision and the new school “gave us our kid back.” Before the move, we did try to work with teachers, counselors etc. and only when it became clear there wasn’t support from the first school did we make the move.
For the OP, many of the Main Line independent schools should be experienced in working with new students having a difficult transition, that’s why I suggest working with the current school to see what can be done to make the next few months better. As parents, we want to act now to fix things, and the prospect of a transfer may offer the satisfaction of an immediate response. It may be the right response, I’m just suggesting working with the school to see what can happen to make the rest of the spring happier for this student.
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Thank you very much, everyone.I really appreciate your help.
After I slept on it and calm myself down and we talked again.
It was hard for her, because she loved the last school and her friedns and teachers so much, they are such a warm people. We miss them so much. She knows it’s no use but to compare it with current school. Also, it was unfortunate that this social distancing rules kept her feel disconnected with teachers and peers.
I just let her feel that way, accept the reality, and listened. Thinking about last months, she was holding her feeling for a long time without complaining, so I am glad that she blew off her feeling now.
It’s hard to see her suffering but we calmed down a little bit and decided to try our best to see things positively.
More we learned, the more we understand transferring schools in junior year is indeed hard, and nothing is certain in public scool especially in this covid time.
This independent school she goes right now, I admit it’s a very good school.
There’s so much we’ve missed because of covid, but still, it’s a good school.
We will try to communicate with the current school and look for a way to make the rest of the year better.
My daughter would like to talk with her teachers before I talk with them, so I will see how it goes, and will take an action if I need to.
We wish her best luck and may choose to transfer if she feels she has to in the end.
I also hope this warm spring weather will help her. We need Sunshine!
Thank you again for all the thoughtful replies.
I appreciate all of your kindness.
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