<p>I’m not anticipating much difficulty. My frosh son’s real friends are his college friends, not so much his high school class. He’s not a partier and not usually into staying out late. He has become a night owl, but so am I, so that works in our favor over the holidays. And right now, the kiddo’s sick and exhausted – not up to more than sleeping, eating, showering, and playing video games. This is his time for rest and recuperation after a hard semester, and Christmas means family to him.</p>
<p>He’s told me he wants to meet some friends for lunches and take at least one friend out to dinner – I’ve told him to let me know when he makes his plans and we’ll work out the car situation together (we have one car). That’s about the extent of our “house rules.” </p>
<p>As to messes… ok, you probably won’t believe this. I drove home with him yesterday so he could bring stuff back from the dorm. After the 6-7 hour drive, we lugged it all in and went out to dinner. When we came back to the house, the first thing he did was walk into the kitchen and start cleaning it. I am not making this up. He cleared the table and unloaded the dishwasher, then washed all the dishes (over a week’s worth – I’ve been sick too) and wiped down the counters. Dorm life has taught him that he likes things to be neat and clean; he’s better about this than I am.</p>
<p>I’m cooking more since he’s here. As wis75 said, more grocery shopping. My diet goes to heck when he’s here too, but in a mostly healthy way (except for the traditional chocolate cake and the emphasis on pasta!).</p>
<p>When things might get difficult is his last week here, when my vacation is over and his isn’t. The plan is for him to make the commute with me, work out at the gym if he likes, then take the car and go visiting or whatever until I’m done at work. That won’t work out so well if he’s still Facebooking till 3am and sleeping in till 2pm. :p</p>
<p>Overall, though… I think maybe it’s a little easier because geek_son is kind of an introvert? Because staying in our quiet home and spending time with our small family (and with friends either one on one or in small groups) is what he seems to feel like doing over the break. If that changes in later years, I suspect he’ll spend more holidays at his college, where his friends are.</p>
<p>As much as I love S coming home for breaks, I find it very stressful. He doesn’t come home often because he is on the other side of the country, so we have gotten used to our new, smaller family. He appreciates the food (ditto everyone else’s comments), but I wish he would spend more time with us. I put myself in his shoes when I was his age and realize that he is used to being independent and on his own. It’s a shame that he can’t realize that we want to spend quality time with him when he’s home.</p>
<p>My kids (college '09 grad,college soph.) both have friends here and spend way more time with them than they do at home. S1 also spends massive amts. of time at the gym and out running. I can understand and it’s really OK with us. What is there really for them to do here around the house? </p>
<p>They’ll go to church with us on Christmas Eve and make the arduous seven hour trek to the in-laws on Christmas day (only to return 7 hrs.back home the following afternoon…yeah,I know). They have given up Christmas at home to do this without complaining for years now (which is more than I can say for myself). FIL is in a nursing home. MIL lives alone and is pretty bitter about the way her life has changed. It’s not a fun trip but must be done and my guys do it. </p>
<p>Whatever else they want to do while here on break is fine with us. It’s actually a relief to treat them like adults and just say “seeya” when they walk out without feeling the need to pinpoint exactly where they are going and with whom and when they’ll be back. Both are vvery good about letting us know if they plan to stay out all night at a friend’s.</p>
<p>Slightly different than most; DS just graduated and will be starting grad school in the summer. So he’ll be with us for 6 months or more. So far, except for his clothes everywhere, its working out OK. He’s more than willing to help but doesn’t think of things to do himself. Once he starts working it will be that much better. He did spend this past weekend at a HS buddy’s apt and mom was disappointed that he wasn’t there to decorate the tree but 2+ feet of snow was a good excuse.</p>
<p>To those of you who have younger children as well: Keep in mind that the college-age children, who have been away from home, don’t know your current dynamics with the younger children.</p>
<p>My youngest brother is 12.5 years younger than I am, and I spent a lot of time taking care of him in high school. When I first came back from college, I tried to take care of him again when needed, but I was operating under the rules that had applied to him several months earlier, when I had left, and trying to prevent him from doing things that I hadn’t realized that he was now allowed to do! He wasn’t particularly happy about it, and my stepdad thought that I was just trying to be a bossy jerk - it simply hadn’t occurred to him or to my mom that I had no way of knowing <em>current</em> family dynamics. A conversation or two cleared things up just fine.</p>
<p>^That has been an issue in my house, too. That and I have gotten in trouble for not enforcing (or following myself) rules that have been made in my absence. Whoops. I have a hard enough time remembering all the old ones right away. >.<</p>
<p>We were preparing to give a lot of leaway knowing that our D has become a young adult and that she has taken control of her own doings. She has been home a week now and it has been fantastic. She has stayed at home quite a bit on the weekend and visited with us because we both work all week. She has made plans to meet her friends during the week when we are not home. She even suggested we double date with her and her BF (went Dutch) so that she could be with him and with us, we did and it was a lot of fun. She has her own car and knows that she can go out when wants but that we would like to know roughly when she will be home. When has gone out she will call, tell us where she is and always calls when she is leaving so that we know she is on her way. We were expecting some arguments over expectations but we feel blessed that she is the way she is.</p>
<p>Well, there appears to be some constants here: more trash, more dirty dishes, more mess, more chaos, more grocery shopping, more fun! There is nothing better than the first days they arrive home and nothing so calming as the first days after they leave! (For us empty nesters, anyways.) I always remind myself that I am darned lucky my kids are healthy enough to go away to college in the first place and I am grateful they have friends to spend time with when they are home. Not every family is that lucky.</p>