Checking in with Updates - Hello Everyone!

Parents Forum
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<p>Hello everyone. On a whim,I decided to check-in today and see how the forum was doing, if my old forum friends were still engaged and what the latest topics were. I see that many of the topics we discussed back in 04 and 05 continue to surface from parents. After reading a few of the new threads, I see that most of my favorite forumites are still here providing sound advice and comfort to other parents. It is so good to "see" you all!</p>

<p>I'd like to give an update on my S. Remember, he was accepted ED to Penn and was Undecided in his major, but focused on art history. He is African American and 1st gen. </p>

<p>The update is that he is now in his Jr year at Penn. His grades are good, not exceptionally good, but above 3.0 at all times. He has decided to shoot for law school after graduation, and his major is some kind of combined degree in three areas.</p>

<p>Yes, :) you can see that I have been successful in allowing him to make his own decisions without my oversight - I really can't recall what his major is and the only reason I have a clue about his GPA is because he got a couple of new Penn scholarships that required the 3.0 minimum. Haha - I have come a loooong way in the almost 3 years since the admission decision.</p>

<p>He seems to have some good friends at school, but the social life has disappointed him. He feels disconnected from much of the "scene" because of the amount of drinking and crazy partying that goes on. Mind you, he's no angel, but I don't think the scene down there matches his own ideas about fun and socializing. I haven't really tried to understand the social scene. I just know that he felt that his friendships were very limited and that many of the kids were spoiled and had endless pockets of money to burn on partying. He has not pledged a frat. </p>

<p>He started to really get into fitness training and is now a certified trainer. He spends summers working at a Bally's gym and is now being hired by people who want a personal trainer at home. He'll continue to train private clients during the school year. He's also doing a little bit of modeling, which has afforded him some travel and a little extra cash.</p>

<p>I have really pulled back on my oversight of school and finances. I pay my monthly tuition contribution and that's it. I expect him to handle everything else. It's now or never. </p>

<p>Last year, he decided to move off of campus for his Jr year and he connected with a group of students who wanted to "go in" on a house. It was really an eye-opener for him (and for me). I kept asking about the rent, who was signing the lease, what the total rent would be,etc. My son could never answer the questions or had different answers each time. </p>

<p>I didn't mind him moving off campus, but I wanted to understand the obligation and to make sure we weren't responsible for an unfair portion of the overall rent. In the end, the group could never get it together enough to make it work and most of them are on campus again this year. It was a good way to learn a lesson and I'm sure they'll do a better job in planning for next year's housing. </p>

<p>All in all, I think things are going well. Many of his HS friends, who started out at other schools, have transferred. I am surprised by it. My son's current roommate is a transfer student from UChi. I've always told him that I support transfer if he feels that Penn isn't a good fit. He isn't gushing about his school, but he is firm that he will graduate from Penn. </p>

<p>Since I live in Philadelphia, there was much discussion about my S going to school so close to home and not really breaking free. I don't think it has been an issue. I don't see him any more than other parents see their young adults - on holiday break. We don't have a set time to talk each week or anything like that - I just call when I feel like it and he does the same. If i don't hear form him in a while (a while is is the 2 week area), I'll usually send a text message to his cell. I get the fastest responses on text. </p>

<p>That's pretty much it. I wanted to give this update because I know so many parents wonder how things will work out.....if a certain school was a good fit....how an African American student might fit into the social scene at a school with a very low diversity number....did the student transfer....is the student able to achieve at a top tier school or Ivy if they were prepped for the SAT....etc. </p>

<p>Oh, and on the financial aid, Penn has been steady in holding to the original financial aid numbers. I had been worried that the aid would slack off after we were hooked into freshman year, but it hasn't. My income has increased slightly, and Penn has adjusted the aid proportionally. I am very pleased with their financial aid process. </p>

<p>Again, it is good to read these boards again. I'm not sure that I have anything to contribute since it is all such a distant memory now....but I will if I can. A big hug to all of the folks who helped me with this process several years ago!!</p>

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<p>Thanks so much for the update! Glad to hear how your S is doing.
My S took a gap year with Americorps after senior year in h.s., and now is a very happy student at Rollins Colllege, a wonderful LAC outside Orlando that deserves to be better known.</p>

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<p>Momsdream,
You didn't answer the most important question: Is your S still with his high school girlfriend? :)
I remember that was a reason why he wanted to go to college close to home.</p>

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<p>Really nice to see an old screen name pop up! I don't post often but I check the forums frequently and was happy to see your update.</p>

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<p>Hi Momsdream!</p>

<p>It is great to hear from you and to learn that your son is doing well! I am also in the Philadephia area (suburbs) with a college junior. Like many of your son's friends, my daughter was not happy at her first college, which is an excellent school but not right for her, and she transferred to Swarthmore after her freshman year. She is much closer to home now, but, like you, we don't see her much more frequently than if she was hours away.</p>

<p>I wanted to ask you - I recall you thought your younger daughter might have some kind of vision problem or learning disability. I can't recall exactly what it was but you were trying to research it. How is she doing? I remember that she sounded like a very cute little girl!</p>

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<p>You won't recognize my screen name :) but I do wonder if you can shed light on one thing - do you or your son think that his social scene disappointment could have been avoided by a better understanding of it prior to his acceptance? (overnight visits, or ??) Congrats on his successfully completing 2 years - a wonderful accomplishment!</p>

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<p>Thanks for the update. I’m pleased to hear your S is doing so well. </p>

<p>My D (AfAm) is a hs senior this year and my biggest concern in the college search, is finding the right campus fit for her socially. I would love for her to meet someone like you S.</p>

<p>A big congrats to you and your S! :)</p>

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<p>Northstarmom, good to hear about your son's successful gap year. More and more, I hear of students choosing that option. Your son is a freshman at Rollins, right? And I think you are now an empty-nester? How are you handling that?</p>

<p>About the GF, yes, they broke up at the end of the summer prior to freshman year. She went to GW. I really don't think that was why he wanted to remain close to home. Once she was denied ED admission to Wharton, it was pretty clear that she'd be off to someplace else anyway. </p>

<p>He linked up with another girl shortly after that and he is still with her now....a very nice young lady from a nice family. I could go on and on about how lovely this girl is - very grounded and from a family that worked hard to instill the right values in her. I do wish he would have dated around a little more, just for the experience...but that's not who he is and he has made a good choice with this GF, so that's fine. </p>

<p>Kinshasa, good to see you! How are things on your end? You have a daughter, right?</p>

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<p>I want to answer the other replies but have to run to a meeting. I'll be back on this afternoon to reply.</p>

<p>Running!</p>

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<p>momsdream:</p>

<p>I am SO glad you posted to update us because I'd been wondering about how your son was doing and whether he'd changed his ideas about what to major in.<br>
It's great he is doing well. Many thanks, and hugs to you!</p>

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<p>Momsdream,</p>

<p>Its good to hear from you. I'm glad your S is doing well. Getting involved with the fitness area has hopefully brought him into contact with less of the partying crowd. </p>

<p>Being independent is more a state of mind than physical distance. Some kids get involved with college life and come home for "occasions". Others may live far away, but are still calling home many times daily. Like you, I've known kids who moved home and attend a local college.</p>

<p>Drop by more often...</p>

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<p>Count me in as another old timer who loves reading your update. I always wonder how things turned out for people I came to "know" on CC and you are one of them. It sounds like it has gone quite well for your son at Penn, even if not perfect in every way....it has been positive and his future is bright. I thought he'd really go into museum work but it is very common to change focus once in school. Ah, he is not with the old girlfriend, not really so shocking. I'm glad he went on with his own path. It sounds like he has found a young woman who is a good match, at least for the time being. And you like her....that's good!</p>

<p>How is your younger daughter? I recall she liked dance...I hope I have that right.</p>

<p>By the way, NSM, I have been suggesting Rollins to quite a few students whom I advise and a couple are now considering applying. I think it seems like a really good school and that it is a very good match for your son and I'm pleased that he has gotten off to a positive start. </p>

<p>Momsdream....I also was amazed at how many local kids my kids grew up with had transferred schools (and/or how many talked of it freshmen year, though some stayed put). I guess it is pretty common. My own kids seemed to be thrilled with their schools from the first day and now as juniors and seniors remain to be extremely happy with their choice of school and with the experiences they are having. I guess this is a lucky outcome. I don't think they'll ever wanna leave their schools! :D</p>

<p>My older D got into Penn but wasn't enamoured with it and I can now see that her current school is a better fit for HER. However, Penn is on her graduate school list.</p>

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<p>Momsdream,
As for the empty nest, I do miss S a lot because he's a really nice kid and we had lots in common including collaborating on community service. I do have a H and 2 rabbits, so there are literal warm fuzzies at home to keep me company. I'm also expanding my community service and getting into an amateur acting career.</p>

<p>And if anyone wants Rollins info, feel free to PM me or to post with questions. I've been very impressed, and I don't impress easily.</p>

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<p>Momsdream:</p>

<p>That's excellent feedback that I'm sure will be applicable to and help many other posters.</p>

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<p>Glad to hear from you Momsdream! your son and my D went through the same year, and I remember your angst about him staying in Philly.
It saddens me to hear that he feels isolated.</p>

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<p>Hi everyone. Thanks to all of you for the kind words.</p>

<p>Motheroftwo - Yes, you have a good memory. My daughter was having trouble with reading. Unfortunately, she continues to have quite a bit of difficulty and the source of the problem remains elusive. Her teacher from last year thought she was doing extremely well (the same teacher who often marked incorrect test answers as correct). I feel that 3rd grade was a total waste - and so do othe other parents. Just last night I reached out to my son's SAT tutor for a referral to a reading tutor. My D is able to read, but she sometimes struggles more than I think she should at this point. She sometimes breezes through paragraphs without a problem. Other times, she struggles with simple words. This is going to be an uphill battle.</p>

<p>Treetopleaf - My son had a good understanding going in. He had done overnights and was very familiar with the situation. Actually, I think he accepts the situation as a matter of course. Since pre-k, he has attended private schools that were typically less than 10% African American. As a younger student (elementary school) he socialized with the white students and really didn't have any AfAm friends. </p>

<p>In HS, he moved to a competitive Quaker school where the AfAm population is relatively significant - and his AfAm social circle expanded and he found more like-minded AfAms to befriend. I suppose he went into college at a time when he really wanted and needed to find a deeper connection with other AfAms (given that he had been expanding this circle through HS and had finally become comfortable in that environment) , but then faced the challenge that Penn is much less diverse than his HS. I gather that his friends at Penn are mostly the AfAm athletes (going back to the fitness connection).</p>

<p>I think he has learned to accept the relative isolation as being just the way things are - and probably always will be. In many ways, I cannot disagree.</p>

<p>And, of course, this is all coming from a parent - and I don't believe we parents always have the full story anyway!! For all I know, he could be wrapped in a toga right now and leading the human velcro games in the Quad. He's just not the type to gush about his school. He won't even wear a Penn shirt. </p>

<p>The other day, I was coming out of a store and saw a large poster for a city-wide modeling competition sponsored by a radio station and a talent agency. Guess who was on the poster - one of two models featured on the front and the only model on the back- my S. The poster was 2 days old and the competition had completed - and after speaking with him I learned that he had come in second place. I didn't even know about it. This is how low-key he is about everything - typical of him. So, who knows what is really going on at school. He seems ok about it. I know he was happy to go back after the summer. </p>

<p>TuTutaxi - The social concerns are valid. However, I am actually relieved by the fact that so many kids are transferring. It makes me feel like my S could feel comfortable in approachng me about a transfer if he felt so inclined. It isn't taboo or a sign of weakness or failure. Thus, if I had a hs senior, I'd try to worry less about the right fit. If it doesn't work out, they can try something else. I don't think the kids sit in their dorms and wring their hands about a bad match (anymore). In a way, that is comforting.</p>

<p>Marite - thank you! It is good to see your name and know you're still here.</p>

<p>Bookworm - Good to see you! You are so right about the state of mind. I think my son's state of mind has him attending college on Easter Island :)</p>

<p>SoozieVT - hi there! Yes, my D was interested in dance, but has since moved away from that and into lacrosse and swimming. Go figure! Perhaps my S will see your D at Penn next year. What's her focus for grad school? We'll be coming your way next month. My D and I take an annual girl's road trip into New England. Last year, we made it as far as the Shelburne Museum via crossing Lake Champlain at Ticonderoga after a night at The Sagamore in Lake George. Hoping to get back to Shelburne,VT this year - and some time in NH looking for moose.</p>

<p>UCSD<em>UCLA</em>DAD, I hope so. I'm going to have to read some of the more recent archives to catch up on how the rest of our HS Class of '05 crowd is coming along. </p>

<p>Cangel, yes, I recall our children coming through together. How is your D making out at her school?</p>

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<p>momsdream, I have often thought of you over the years and am so glad you posted an update. Our sons went through the application process at the same time. It sounds like your S is doing just great with his schooling, modeling and personal training (and girlfriend!). My S is in his 3rd year at Berkeley and is also considering law school! I remember they both had an interest in politics. </p>

<p>I'm sorry to hear about your D's reading situation. I read in the NY Times yesterday an interesting article about vision problems that lead to misdiagnoses. Here's the link, in case you didn't see it: <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/11/health/11visi.html?em&ex=1189828800&en=6f7f2cd1ef249829&ei=5087%0A%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/11/health/11visi.html?em&ex=1189828800&en=6f7f2cd1ef249829&ei=5087%0A&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>Momsdream....I also had a child in your son's admissions cycle and she is a junior at NYU. My older one, the senior, will be applying to graduate schools in Architecture to earn a MArch degree. So, here we go again. </p>

<p>If you are coming to Northern Vermont and wish to meet up for lunch, or anything, email me.</p>

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<p>momof2inca, hello and thank you for the article! I will be sure to ask the ophthalmologist for this test. She is due for a visit. I have not seen this administered. Her problem does "seem" like an attention issue...she'll read fine for 5-8 minutes or so...then start to have trouble with the most simple words...until she is completely frustrated and needs to stop. As she becomes frustrated, she fidgets in her seat to the point that she is really all over the place. Then she just growls from frustration and bangs her fists. </p>

<p>She is not normally hyper and doesn't display attention or any behavior problems. Aside from reading, she seems to be a typical 9 yr old girl.</p>

<p>I could cry thinking about it. I wish someone would figure it out. It isn't fair for her. Again, thank you for the article.</p>

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<p>That was an interesting article. I had a friend who's daughter had the same problem, though it didn't look like autism or ADD. She just didn't seem to enjoy reading - especially when the print got smaller and the books got longer. It took them forever to figure it out as all the regular vision tests made her seem perfectly fine.</p>