<p>My D is a high school senior who has her heart set on going to a university that I don't think is a good fit for her. While this university offers the major and courses she wants, I am concerned that she would not feel comfortable socially (she insists that she will find people she is comfortable with). In addition, she does not share my concern that housing is guaranteed only for the first two years. </p>
<p>How should I respond? Should I step back and let her make her own decision or should I be more actively involved?</p>
<p>I would definitely have your D explore more options, apply to at least 3 or 4 schools as long as they fit her or your budget cost-wise. That being said, as long as it’s affordable it is her decision in the end. An academic fit is more important than a perceived non-social fit. You never know about that until you get there. And housing at most schools is hardly ever guaranteed past the first two years. Unless you’re talking about a tiny college with no surrounding apartments or house rentals, I wouldn’t worry about that end of it.</p>
<p>Explore more schools to confirm and suggest a pros and cons list for each one. Try hard to be a notetaker, vs a boss. Be aware that you are not the deciding factor… She is. College is not a permanant decision, but the way we respond and encourage their independent decision making sets a life plan. She MUST feel you will support her ultimate decision, or you set yourself up for bigger probe down the road.</p>
<p>You can afford this school?<br>
Why do you think this is the wrong social fit? What is it that’s bugging you about this school? </p>
<p>IMO, both academic and social fit are important. You can look at actual course offerings, the backgrounds of profs, etc. But, you can’t guess the social part based on superficials. Have you done all your homework? Have you looked into the social life there- clubs and activities? Percentage of kids getting aid? Whether it’s a college where most kids leave campus on weekends? And more. </p>
<p>I don’t think it’s entirely a kid’s decision. In my book, it’s a team effort, with lots of variables to consider. They are hs seniors, they fall in love with schools for many reasons and are often blinded to the range of opportunities out there. We weren’t afraid to tell our kids that the right school had to be financially feasible- and that we couldn’t know that until the offers came in. Then, in the end, it was their choice.</p>
<p>See if she can attend an overnight visit. It is a good way to determine if she will fit in with other students and the social atmosphere of the school.</p>
<p>Except at small colleges – which doesn’t apply in this case because you’re talking about a university – I don’t think social fit matters as much as people imagine it does.</p>
<p>You only need a dozen friends. Even if your style doesn’t match that of the majority of the student body, there will be other people like you. There may not be thousands, but you don’t need thousands. You just need that dozen.</p>
<p>Both of my kids attended large universities where much of the social life revolves around alcohol. One could not drink for medical reasons; the other chose not to drink simply because she does not like it. Both found plenty to do and had plenty of friends. </p>
<p>As for housing, if it’s only guaranteed for two years, that implies that the surrounding community is full of off-campus housing. Finding off-campus housing takes a bit more work than just going through a dorm lottery, but kids learn how to do it.</p>
<p>Off-campus living can be a good experience. You learn a lot of life skills by dealing with leases and landlords. I would consider the fact that housing is guaranteed for only two years to be a disadvantage only if your daughter would prefer to live on campus for all four years.</p>
<p>I don’t think 2 years guaranteed housing is necessary a bad thing. D1 lived off campus after freshman year, as most of kids from her school. It was a nice transition from living at home to living by herself in a big city now.</p>
<p>I think the school you’ll daughter maybe interested in is USC. I don’t know much about it. In reading some of your other posts, you are concerned about the school having a lot of wealthy kids. If that’s the issue, I don’t think USC is any different than other expensive private schools.</p>
<p>I don’t think guaranteed housing should be an issue as long as there is plenty of available off-campus housing in different price ranges. Many (maybe most) college kids are ready to try apartment living after a couple of dorm years, and usually there are a number of options.</p>
<p>I think another consideration is that USC is not an isolated school in a rural areas where there is nothing to do but hang with the kids on the campus. You can drive to Westwood and mix with the UCLA kids and go to the beach and Santa Monica. A student can find others who want to go out and about so she is likely to find those she connects with.</p>
<p>There is a really top school near me that I researched for my son that is in a rural town, fairly isolated and has a tremendous Greek scene known for a lot of drinking. A real “Work hard play hard” mentality so advertised. They even have an entire section on the school’s website devoted to their Greek info, complete with warnings about hazing. For me a real turn off but mostly the problem is that the school is isolated so there is not much else to do but be part of it.</p>
<p>Your daughter would find those she is drawn to and in the worst case, she could transfer if she was so unhappy and that is part of growing up and learning too.</p>
<p>And interms of housing, if it is USC, then I would investigate then where students do live when they move off campus since USC is not in a great area which might be why the OP is concerned.</p>
<p>Don’t know. The school I am referring to also is under 7K students which means if so many are Greek, you really have less of a non greek group to connect with. I am not anti-greek, I am pro-choice and pro not feeling pressured to join just to have a social life. </p>
<p>USC is over 15K so there are so many opportunities to meet other kids.</p>
<p>This is interesting. My kid claims the opposite. At the undergrad level, she thinks the strength of the program is not too important as far as it is active. School culture on the other hand, may dictate daily life and factor into satisfaction greatly. Even if the school is big, if it is dominated by a powerful culture like sports and the kid is not into that culture, it may not feel right.</p>
<p>I think all you can do is tell your kids your opinion once maybe twice. Your opinion may or may not fall on deaf ears. Your opinions are shaped by your experiences, your preferences, your perceptions. Their opinions are shaped by their experiences, their preferences and their perceptions. There are really only two outcomes: The kid will choose a school that isn’t your personal preference and thrive or the kid will choose a school that turns out not to be a fit and they will learn and have to navigate from that experience. </p>
<p>I would never let one of my kids enroll in a school without one or two visits including a visit without parents.</p>
<p>As the parent of a son in similar situation, I understand your dilemma. For over a year now, my son has simply declared he wants to go to our flagship school – which, objectively, is a great option, affordable, strong programs etc. However, we are sure that he lurched toward this as a safe choice – for someone who would rather avoid change and transition – rather than engage with the admittedly challenging task of figuring out more about he is and what he wants.</p>
<p>We have tried to maintain an upbeat (probably not how he would describe it) approach, visiting several LACs on the basis that “you don’t know what you want until you can figure out what you don’t want.” He will have done several overnights at LACs and we are requiring that he apply to his favorites. He has enjoyed those schools when he is there, so I try to keep my mouth shut (pretty unsuccessfully) to let him soak in the differences. He has started work on the supplemental essays, and I am encouraged by the self- reflection he is at least starting to engage in. Right now, I am a little more confident that, even if he winds up at the flagship, he is on the way to understanding more about his choices, so
that he would be better equipped to navigate the school, in my heart-of-hearts, I believe is a bad fit.</p>
<p>All in all, we are trying to offer other choices, we will make sure he visits the flagship overnight so that he dan directly compare experiences. Ultimately, we have to allow him the autonomy to figure out his priorities. We are hopeful there is a lot more maturing over the next 6 months. Good luck, and hang in there.</p>
<p>Same thing happened in our family - a young woman picked a school both her parents felt strongly would be the wrong fit. She’s a shy, not terribly outgoing young woman who picked a big, social, “beautiful people” school. She went there anyway. Parents held their breath, prepared themselves for a possible transfer. She loved it from the beginning, did superbly well. “It was the right choice,” she said beaming when I asked her about it during her junior year.</p>
<p>Mom of a recent USC grad here-
OP, if it IS USC you are concerned about then relax.
1]There are thousands of places right next to campus [ some owned by USC] filled with USC students . There are plenty of places for her to live, and as mentioned by another poster, finding an apt to rent is a part of life, and it is easy to find an apt near campus. USC has a shuttle service that covers the areas near campus where students live, but most find it easier to bike to school. Most upperclassmen look forward to getting a place that they can share with friends.
As for “fit”- USC has a really diverse population of students these days- It has a great mix of hundreds of hypersmart students on merit scholarships [ 23% of admitted students receive merit $], normal students of all races [ only 39 % white] and socioeconomic levels, a large international population, athletes, future engineers, scientists, History majors, musicians, artists, business majors, and relatively small [ and shrinking] population of rich frat kids [ 60% of admitted students receive financial aid]. Take a look at the profile of admitted students.</p>
<p>I was concerned that my very smart, shy S would not “fit it” at USC. I could not have been more wrong. He chose USC over other colleges because it did have the best programs in the majors he was interested in perusing. He found a great group of like minded - non drinking, outdoorsy, backpack loving, hyper smart students in his STEM classes there- they all lived together off campus together his last 2 years there and are still some his best friends.</p>